No Sleep for the Wicked
by justaskalice
Summary: Bella has been with Jacob for four years and everyone thinks they have the perfect relationship. Their friends and family expect an engagement any day, but Bella is having second thoughts. A story about old love, new love, and friendship. Canon pairings.
1. Chapter 1

My bed was too small.

I sighed and tried to shift, but found myself blocked by a massive leg on one side and a muscular shoulder on the other. How had I managed to get so thoroughly pinned?

I flailed my arm over the side of the bed and fumbled for my cell phone. The display showed 3:32 in bright, block numbering. Go figure.

This was the third night in a row I had been unable to do much more than toss and turn. It didn't help that my boyfriend, Jacob Black, had a habit of stretching out diagonally on my double bed, effectively limiting the space I had available to me. He was a good foot taller than me, so I guess he was entitled to his share of the bed, even if "his share" ended up being substantially more than mine.

I extricated myself from Jake's tangled limbs and tumbled out of the bed. As I straightened up I looked down at Jake's face, smoothed out and slack with sleep. He always looked so beautiful when he was asleep. His black hair was rumpled, tangled on the pillows. His arms were wrapped securely in my sheets, hands fisted in the comforter he invariably stole from me when he spent the night.

Jake never did anything halfway: school, play, work, love, and especially sleep. I tugged the covers more securely over him before grabbing my cell phone and sneaking out toward my living room. I didn't want to deprive him of the little sleep he was able to get, and I knew that I wouldn't be sleeping anymore this evening… well, morning.

I lit the stove and got a coffee mug from the cupboard. I grabbed a teabag and spooned some sugar into my mug. As I waited for the water to boil, I wandered back into my living room and booted up my laptop. With any luck, Alice would be awake. She was always up obscenely early, and it would be 6:30 in New York.

Once I had my tea, I settled down into my armchair and opened up my instant messenger program. Sure enough, there she was.

**allknowing_alice:** bella! what are you doing up so early?!

**HellzBellz84: **no sleep for the wicked alice… you know that.

I wrapped a quilt around my shoulders and settled back into my chair. Alice always made me feel better, even if I had no idea what was wrong. She had been my best friend for as long as I had known her. Actually, I had met her and Jake the same year, when I was 16 years old. That was the year I moved to Forks, Washington. My dad is the police chief there, and had been begging me for years to give living with him a shot. When my mom remarried that summer, I decided to take him up on the offer. The newlyweds didn't need me hanging around, and I wasn't terribly excited about the thought being constantly exposed to the mushiness that Phil seemed to inspire in my mother. I packed my bags and left Phoenix, Arizona, for the rainiest town in the United States. It turned out to be one of the best decisions of my young life.

**allknowing_alice: **seriously, you need to get this insomnia thing checked out. go to a doctor already!

**HellzBellz84: **no big deal alice, I told you. it's not like I never sleep. plus, isn't this why God invented coffee?

Alice never needs coffee. She may be tiny, but the girl packs a punch. And she's got an unlimited store of energy. I swear she's solar powered.

**allknowing_alice: **what's wrong bella. don't lie. you haven't slept more than a few hours for the last few nights. tell me!!!! Alice will fix it.

**HellzBellz84: ***sigh* things with jake aren't great. he's never around, I guess I'm just fixating. anxiety. you know me.

**allknowing_alice:** bella it's his first year in law school. give him time to adjust. relax, the kid loves the crap outta you.

I smiled and giggled softly. Alice was never one to mince words. She was right of course. Jake and I had prepared for this, we had made schedules. Grids that revolved around "date nights" and (I would not make this up) scheduled sex. I had organized calendars, class schedules and study schedules. And I wasn't the one going to school.

Starting in September, our lives had gone from spontaneous and relatively carefree to an endless cycle of reading assignments and outlines. He was always at the law library or with his study group. We had been working really hard to keep up our relationship, and he promised me that things would be better once his first semester finals were over. It was almost Christmas, and it felt like he had been studying nonstop since Labor Day. The last few weeks had been particularly stressful, but it would be over soon. He had one last week of classes and then a week and a half of tests. After that, we could throw the schedules and calendars out the window for three whole weeks before we had to start the whole damn thing over again.

My job teaching high school English sucked up time too, of course, and I had taken on the drama department this year. That meant time spent after school with auditions, rehearsals, and whiny teenage girls who thought they were the next Audrey Hepburn. I love my job, for the most part I even love teenagers, but sometimes they make me want to tear my hair out.

**HellzBellz84: **how's jas? has he come to his senses and run screaming for the hills yet?

**allknowing_alice:** smooth subject change, dork. jasper whitlock loves the crap outta me, too. Plus, if he ever tries to run I've always got my handcuffs to make him stay. jasper loves him some handcuffs :)

**HellzBellz84: **my eyes! my eyes!

**allknowing_alice: ** well you brought it up

**HellzBellz84: **thanks alice. I can always count on you to make me think of something that totally blinds my inner eye.

**allknowing_alice:** of course you can. I'm awesome like that. are you sure this is just anxiety bells? you haven't been yourself lately

Damn best friend with her damn long distance psychic powers. Since she moved to New York to kick start her design career, Alice and I have had a phone relationship, with actual visits being few and far between. Despite that, she had an uncanny sense that told her when things weren't going well with me. Once, not long after she moved away, I had had a particularly horrible week: I fought with Jake twice, my principal yelled at me, and I shrunk my favorite blue sweater in the wash. I got to my apartment on Thursday night to find her sitting on my building's stoop, ice cream in hand. We hadn't spoken since Sunday, but she knew. She always knew.

Not this time. I wasn't sure what was wrong, and I wasn't going to drag Alice into it via instant message at 3:30 in the morning. Well, I guess it was closer to 4:00 in the morning now, but whatever. Semantics.

**HellzBellz84: **just anxious, promise. I'm going back to bed… don't want the students to run me over today in class.

I signed off before she had a chance to respond. I closed my laptop and stared out the window out the back of my building. I loved Seattle. Even in the dark, pre-dawn the city was beautiful, in a really reassuring way. Like a rainy Sunday morning, or a cup of coffee.

Speaking of coffee, might as well make some now that I was up. The tea obviously had not relaxed me, so I guess no harm in pumping myself full of caffeine. Jake wouldn't be up until 7:00, he had class at the UW at 9:00 on Mondays. I had some papers to grade, so after starting the coffeepot and grabbing a pop tart, I sat down at my kitchen table with a red pen and my school bag and got to work.

I groaned as I copyedited. My students, for the most part, had understood the material, but I had obviously not been teaching punctuation clear enough. The paper I was currently grading was written by a student who seemed to think that a comma was necessary at least twice a sentence, whether the sentence structure called for it or not. _Less is more!_ I scribbled in the margins.

As I skimmed through paragraph after paragraph of reflections on _Romeo & Juliet_, I thought about my relationship with Jake. He was two years younger than me, and our dads were close friends. We had been friends for years before he finally convinced me to go out with him. We had never had great timing, and for some reason whenever I was single, Jake wasn't and vice versa. Plus I wasn't completely sold on the idea of diving headfirst into a relationship with my best guy friend.

He followed me to UW, and when he started as a freshman I was a junior. That was the year I finally gave in. Being with Jake was effortless. I had never dated anyone who knew so much about me. Since we had been friends for so long, we didn't have to do the awkward get-to-know you dating that I had dealt with in the past. He also knew how to handle my moods, and wouldn't let me push him around. Jake was anything but a pushover, and he made sure I knew it. I have a history of… tongue-lashing my boyfriends into submission. Get your mind out of the gutter, I just meant I can be pretty harsh.

We had been dating for nearly four years now. Our anniversary was just after New Year's Eve. Everyone, our fathers included, thought we would be getting engaged any minute now. My friends at school were always checking my left hand on Monday mornings.

It shouldn't bother me that Jake loves me this much. I should be elated. Ecstatic. And I love him, really I do. But thinking about forever with him, it makes me claustrophobic. He loves me so much. What if I stop loving him? What if we're married for a year and I realize it was the biggest mistake I've ever made? What if he always loves me more than I love him? What if I break his heart? What if…what if?

I heard Jake shifting in bed; he had noticed I was up. I frowned at the clock, only 6:00 a.m. He had an hour to sleep yet. What was he doing out of bed?

I felt his big arms wrap around me from behind. His lips brushed my neck and skimmed over my bare shoulders. "Good morning, sweetheart." His voice was still foggy with sleep. The claustrophobic feeling returned as his arms tightened around my chest. I shrugged away from the contact and turned to face him.

"What are you doing up? You should be getting all the sleep you can," I scolded. I didn't add that this was my time of the day to be completely alone and that I needed it in order to face the day. That was the one thing Jake never understood about me. He thought that when I was alone I was wallowing in anxiety or stewing over something stressful. He didn't understand my need to just… be.

Jake ruffled his hair and smiled at me, waggling his eyebrows suggestively. "I thought I could sneak in a little unscheduled … time with my girlfriend," he suggested slyly. Of course, the only thing that could wake him up from his dead to the world sleep was morning wood. I rolled my eyes and gestured toward the pile of papers in front of me.

"Jake, I promised my sophomores I would have these back to them by Tuesday, and I'm not even half done." He stuck out his lower lip at me, pouting in a way that was adorable and royally irritating at the same time. I tried a different tack. "You know you can't concentrate on anything afterwards, you have class in three hours, and you're meeting with your study group at 8 this morning. There's a reason we have eliminated morning sex from the schedule, Jake."

I was being ridiculous and I knew it. My beautiful, brilliant, drool-worthy boyfriend wanted to sleep with me, and I was doing everything in my power to get him away from me. Add that the fact that we had missed our last three scheduled "sessions" and I was starting to look downright certifiable. Padded cell for one please?

So I bit back the smartass remarks and caved. I let him scoop me up from my chair and carry me into the bedroom. I tried to be present when his lips made their customary route from my neck to my breasts and down between my thighs. Then, I did something I hadn't needed to do since dating Mike Newton my sophomore year in college. I faked an orgasm so the whole thing would be over quickly.

I'm not a spectacular liar, but I was counting on Jake's sex-clouded brain to hide any telltale signs. Plus, he would attribute the blush that was slowly spreading up from my chest to being excited and overheated. That was normal.

The whole thing took a grand total of fifteen minutes. Jake, predictably, was floating off somewhere between sleep and awake, and it was easy to leave my bed again and jump in the shower. Again, this was normal.

When I got into the shower, though, I panicked. What the hell was my problem? The tears streaming down my cheeks mixed with the water from my shower. I sat down in the tub, wrapped my arms around myself, and sobbed quietly.


	2. Chapter 2

When I got out of the shower, Jake had left. I breathed a quick thank you and started rummaging through my closet for some work clothes. My closet had definitely become less adventurous since Alice left, but I was ok with that. She used to tease me about being "one of the beige people," but that wasn't entirely accurate. I would have said I was a "light blue person." It was pretty much the only color I wore, plus some creams, browns, and black. Without Alice to force me out of my comfort zone, I had gone back to buying pieces I actually felt comfortable in. In her defense though, what I was comfortable with had changed since we started shopping together. She had definitely boosted my self-confidence.

I pulled into the staff parking lot and tried my best to not trip on my way into the building. My students didn't realize how clumsy I was, and I thought it was best to try and keep it that way. With my height and build, I looked like I could still be a student, and I avoided doing anything that would diminish my authority further. _Twenty-five years old and I'm still dodging the popular kids in high school._ I rolled my eyes and unlocked my classroom.

"Beeeeeellaaaaa," a voice sang out behind me. I sighed, plastered a smile on my face, and turned around to face the music. Literally. Rosalie Hale, the choir teacher, was gliding toward me. Yes, I said gliding. With her shiny blonde hair, practically violet eyes, and long, willowy body, Miss Hale was every 16 year old boy's wet dream. Needless to say, there was no shortage of prospective tenors and basses every year.

She stopped directly in front of me, not-so-subtly glancing down at my still barren left hand. I pulled my hand up in front of her face and wiggled my fingers at her. "Sorry, Rose, still no rock. Maybe next week," I joked.

She rolled her eyes. "Maybe if you stopped being so frigid, Jake would hurry it up," she said with a sweet smile. And this was why I liked Rose so much. Totally angelic exterior, completely badass on the inside. Her joke touched a little close to home this morning though. I was still trying to wrap my head around actually _faking_ _it _with Jake. Maybe I really was frigid. Rose saw my wince and narrowed her eyes.

I turned back toward my room and entered quickly, hoping she would let it drop. No such luck.

"Bella, what's wrong? Don't even pretend with me, you know I won't let it go."

I rolled my eyes again. Rose was worse than Alice in some respects. Alice respected my need for space most of the time. Rose could hold on tighter than a barnacle when she wanted something. I turned around and saw her standing in my doorway with her arms crossed.

"Close the door," I said with a sigh. Might as well get this over with, I had a first period prep period and so did she. Hopefully I could get through this and still have time to finish grading my sophomores' papers.

Her face lit up and she grinned at me, closing the door swiftly behind her. "Ah, sweet victory," she said, her musical voice shaking a little with a suppressed giggle. "I'll be honest, Bella, I was expecting to have to fight you longer than that."

"Why fight when I know you're just going to wear me down anyway?" I asked. "No need to respond, that was rhetorical." She just looked at me, expectant. I took a deep breath.

"Things with Jake have been really weird lately. He hasn't been acting any different, but I… feel different. Everyone is just so convinced we're going to be together forever and it makes me …ugh, I don't know… and then this morning he was being so cute, and he wanted to… and I … I mean I couldn't… so I just…"

As I meandered through my halfhearted explanation, Rosalie's eyebrows were going higher and higher. They were in serious danger of merging with her hairline. It was too much. I started to blush. I was so damn uncomfortable.

"I faked it, ok?" I burst out, just wanting to get this conversation over with. This was starting to become a familiar urge. "I just wanted it to be over, and he was wonderful but I just… couldn't." I petered out, losing my words in my throat. Rose suddenly looked sympathetic.

"Honey, that's totally normal. Hell, I can't even tell you how many times I've faked it with a guy. Don't get your panties in a twist over it. You just weren't in the mood, right? So next time, you will be," she said, smiling gently. She still didn't get it.

"Rose, I've never once, in almost four years, faked it with Jake," I admitted softly. "This was a big deal. Even when I haven't been in the mood, or didn't think I really wanted to… Jake has always been more than up to the task. I haven't done that since I was 20 years old and fumbling around on a dorm futon with Mike Newton."

She laughed once at the mention of Mike, who I had told her about over margaritas one night not long after I started at this job. Almost all of my embarrassing dating stories involved him, and he has provided me with many useful icebreaking conversation topics. That was the night Rosalie and I became fast friends.

She cleared her throat, and then did her best to look properly sympathetic. She seemed to be searching for the right words to say.

"Well, you guys have been together for a long time. It was bound to happen sooner or later. Are you sure it's not just that you're both so busy and maybe your sex life is getting the brunt of it?"

"Of course that's part of it. And of course I don't expect mind-blowing, amazing sex every time. I'm just… you know what I don't really want to talk about this. I have to get these papers graded. Thank you Rose, I just need to think things over." I sat down at my desk and pulled out my stack of papers, trying to get her to just leave already. She looked repentant, probably feeling bad for pushing me to share.

"OK, if that's what you want. Hey, I was going to ask. Would you and Jake want to come out to dinner tomorrow night with Emmett and me? His brother just moved back to town and we wanted to introduce him to some people. I think you guys would really like him."

I looked warily at her. She begged me with her very best puppy dog eyes. I sighed. "Sure Rose. Let me know about the details later." She clapped her hands, looking sufficiently pleased.

"Oh, thank you! I haven't met anyone from Emmett's family yet and he is so close with his brother. I need a buffer there in case I make a total fool out of myself. What if he doesn't like me?!" She couldn't be serious. Yet another contradiction, Rosalie was ridiculously self-conscious.

"I don't think it'll be a problem Rose. You don't usually have any trouble convincing people how amazing you are," I said in a reassuring tone. Then, just to get back at her for increasing my awkward levels this morning, I added, "You'll probably need get creative this time though. I can't imagine your boyfriend would react well to you offering sexual favors to his brother."

"Don't be such a vicious cunt, Bella. Grade your papers." She swept out of my room without a backwards glance, not giving me any time to formulate a comeback. Damn it, she knows how much I hate the c-word.

The day passed quickly enough, and I managed to get my grading done before it was over. Unfortunately, Jake wouldn't be around at all tonight, and now I had the entire evening stretching out in front of me like a blank page. Blank pages…

It had been a long time since I had written anything of my own. I had been so busy between work and Jake that I hadn't been feeling particularly creative. I decided to fix that this evening. I would take my laptop and hunt down a dark coffee shop or a bustling diner and I would write. What a brilliant plan! I hummed cheerily as I packed up my things. Just the thought of working on my writing again made me happy. There was the added bonus that I would get my bed all to myself tonight and that I always slept better after a writing bender.

I collected my things hastily and jumped back into my car, not wanting to stay in my empty apartment longer than necessary. I drove aimlessly downtown until I found the perfect coffee shop. I had never been there before, but it screamed "alone time." It wasn't crowded, it was just dark enough to be mysterious, and it smelled heavenly. Check and check.

I set up shop in a corner booth with a café au lait and opened up my laptop and my latest short story draft, waiting for the words to come. As I waited, I took stock of the other customers in the shop.

This was one of my favorite writing exercises. I would go to a public place and people watch, coming up with stories about their lives… imagining exotic plotlines in ordinary, run-of-the-mill places. I tried to notice small details about the people around me, and craft those details into something new. Sometimes these exercises gave me insight into the characters in whatever story I was writing; sometimes they inspired a completely new idea. Most of the time, it was just plain fun.

I gazed around the half empty room, looking for an interesting subject. The man sitting across the room from me seemed promising. I found myself studying him with a critical eye, drinking him in. He was handsome, but not unapproachable: the kind of man I would still be able to form coherent sentences around. He had a strong, square jaw and cheekbones that Rosalie would be jealous of. From my angle, his nose looked slightly off-center and a little crooked. I liked it. It gave his face character. His hair, which was tousled and sticking up in random directions, looked dark in this light, a color closely related to my chocolate brown hair. When he tilted his head, however, the light above his table caught its bright coppery undertones. Definitely some species of redhead, I decided.

I looked at his forehead next, which was furrowed in thought, or possibly frustration. His eyebrows matched his face perfectly. I've always had this weird thing about eyebrows. Alice was forever mocking me for it, but in my opinion if you have mismatched eyebrows you'll never be good looking. Jake's eyebrows, for example, are delicious. This man's eyebrows weren't thick and caveman-esque, but they weren't dainty either. They were well-groomed (_you have to appreciate the manscaping_) and looked like they would be quite expressive. His eyes were big, but from my corner booth I couldn't tell much more than that, besides the fact that he looked like he could use a few nights solid sleep. Join the club buddy.

His face was a little creased, but not in a way that made him look older. It just added a vibe of maturity and… compassion? Yep, I'm going with compassion. There was a wrinkle in his forehead that appeared when he knit his eyebrows together, and he had a couple of smile lines around his mouth and eyes. I was pretty sure that his smile would stop traffic and generally wreak havoc, but it didn't look like I was going to get lucky enough to test that theory this evening. Mystery man didn't look like he was in the mood to smile.

Now that I had read his face, I turned my attention to his surroundings. _What was mystery man up to this evening?_ I mused. He had a book in front of him, it looked dog-eared and well read. He also had a tall steaming mug and a copy of this morning's _Seattle Times_. Looking closer, I could see the telltale white cords trailing out from his head; there was iPod hidden somewhere.

Ok, observation stage one: complete. Now I just need to figure out what to do with his life. I giggled to myself as I spun out several possibilities. Undercover cop? Emergency room doctor? Superhero alter ego? There was something about him that suggested safety, and I quickly decided on the superhero option. I don't normally write fantasy or science fiction, but an idea was rapidly forming in my mind, and I didn't want to anger my muse by ignoring it.

As I stared at him, formulating his life story, Mystery Man suddenly turned and looked at me, an annoyed look on his face. Shit. He looked straight through me, like he knew I had been staring at him for the last five minutes. I turned bright red, and for a minute I was too embarrassed about being caught to look away. Then he gave me this _yes, I know, I get that all the time but can you please stare at someone else because I'm not in the mood_ look. He rolled his eyes, sighed, and stood to leave. Well crap. That was awkward.

Oh well, it's not like I'll ever see him again. Plus, I had all the material I needed to get wild and crazy with a short story, at the very least. This guy made my imagination go into overdrive, and I wasn't complaining. I was sorry he felt he had to leave, but not that worked up about it in the grand scheme of things.

I wrote fifteen pages before the coffee shop closed and I had to leave. When I got home, I made a quick phone call to Jake, filling him in on my day and our plans with Rose, Emmett, and his brother on Tuesday night. He agreed quickly, sounding happy that we had plans with other people. It was almost like he was sick of spending time alone with me. No, don't be paranoid Bella. One bad roll in the hay does not a break up conspiracy make. Especially after four years and a practically guaranteed marriage proposal in the near future. I shrugged it off and fell into bed, sleeping straight through to my alarm.

Tuesday passed quickly, and soon Rose was stopping at my classroom to remind me about dinner. She begged me to wear something "stylish" and gave me directions to the restaurant. We had reservations in Emmett's name at 6:00, which gave me some time to pick up Jake and pull myself together. Normally, I ran in the other direction when Rosalie or Alice suggested I dress up, but I was feeling like I needed to overcompensate this evening. Jake would see Bella Swan, beautiful, sexy girlfriend who does not need to fake her way through _anything_. I would be confident and happy, just like old times.

When I swung by Jake's house at 5:30, he looked me over appreciatively and wolf-whistled. I grinned. I had put on his favorite cocktail dress. It was navy blue with silver accents, and my hair hung in soft curls down my back. I had even opted for heels tonight, despite my phobia of falling in public. Jake gave me a long, sensual kiss and helped me back into the car, sliding behind the wheel of my car. He didn't like to be the passenger, and I didn't like it when he was a backseat driver. It was just easier for him to drive.

We left the car with a valet and walked into the restaurant, an Italian place that Rose had been talking about for weeks. After checking in with the hostess (whose eyes were slowly making their way up and down Jake's body… _what a bitch_), we walked back to the table where Rose and Emmett were already waiting. Sitting next to Emmett was a lean man with messy, coppery hair and a strong jaw; presumably this was Emmett's brother. As Emmett waved in our direction, Emmett's brother turned to look at us. My jaw dropped and my eyes widened. I must have done terrible things in my past life, because karma was coming back to bite me square in the ass. Emmett's brother was my mystery man slash superhero from the coffee shop last night.

So much for never seeing him again. This was gonna get awkward.


	3. Chapter 3

Emmett's face broke into a giant smile as he stood up to greet Jake and me. "Bella! Babe! I haven't seen you in way too long!" he bellowed. Emmett doesn't really understand the concept of an _inside voice_.

Rosalie cringed at Emmett's volume, then laughed and stood to hug me. "Emmett, calm down. You saw her last week, remember?" she scolded him, teasingly. Jake shook Emmett's hand and hugged Rosalie, then pulled my chair out for me. Of course, he picks the chair right next to … this just kept getting more embarrassing. I didn't even know this guy's name. Normally, that wouldn't bother me, but normally, I don't have to go out to dinner with the people I stalk in public places.

Rose, sensing some discomfort, smiled at the man on my right. "Edward, this is my good friend Bella Swan and her boyfriend Jacob Black. Bella works with me at the high school, she teaches English. Bella, Jake, this is Emmett's brother Edward Cullen. He just moved back to town to do his residency at UW."

Edward extended a hand to Jake first, then to me. "Pleased to meet you," he said politely. He smiled, a crooked half smile that barely revealed a set of perfect, white teeth. I was right, here was a man who could stop traffic. His eyes were a soft, mossy green, with little flecks of gold around the edges. He looked a little confused, like he was trying to remember something.

"I'm sorry, but have we met?" he asked me in that same polite tone. _Thank you, Lord, for darkened coffee shops. He doesn't remember me._ I laughed, trying to sound easy and carefree. It came out a little strangled. Jake looked at me, one eyebrow raised. He could spot a nervous giggle a mile away. _Be cool Jake. Don't blow this for me._

"I don't think so," I said quickly. Edward was still looking at me curiously, and a steady blush began to creep up my neck. Suddenly, his eyes flashed in recognition. Damn it. I cringed, waiting for the annoyance that I had seen on his face last night. Then he did something I wasn't expecting.

He laughed.

"What's so funny?" Jake asked, looking completely mystified as he glanced from Edward to me, then over to Emmett and Rosalie.

"Bella, are you the crazy lady who was staring at me at Café Amore last night?" Edward asked, still laughing a little under his breath. "Because you bear a striking resemblance, and I have never seen anyone blush like that before."

Now Jake looked not only confused, but hurt too. Great. Apparently good looks don't equate to manners. Did he miss the introduction of Jake _my boyfriend? _I sighed.

"I wasn't staring at you. I was writing," I explained, getting redder by the second. Rosalie smiled briefly at me and nodded in understanding, this was something she and I had done together. Rose was actually really good at it; she had a flair for dramatics. Jacob had also played this game with me, and the hurt cleared off his face quickly. He smiled at me, looking genuinely pleased.

"You were writing last night? Good for you! It's been a long time," he said. Ouch. Thanks Jake, not all of us can follow our dreams 24/7. Some of us spend all our energy keeping up with other people's dreams. Even in my head I sounded bitchy. _What is wrong with me?_

"I had all my grading up to date and you were busy with school… so I found a coffee shop and headed in." I shrugged, trying not to let my irritation show.

Emmett still looked confused, and although Edward's eyes were bright with amusement, I knew he still didn't get it.

"One of my favorite things to do is make up stories about the people I see around me," I explained. "I people-watch, take in details about their appearance, and try to come up with stories about their lives. Sometimes it just helps me get in the right frame of mind, sometimes I write stories about the people I see."

Edward smirked again, that beautiful half smile. "Oh? What did you observe about me, Ms. Swan? What story did you spin about my life?"

This was just getting more embarrassing by the second. Of course I picked the genre that would make me seem young and immature. I was kicking myself for not settling on E.R. doctor, at least that would have been closer to the truth. It probably would have made me look intuitive. But superhero? I took a deep breath and tried to spin the story in the best possible light.

"Well, I could tell after one look at you that you isolate yourself from others. You were sitting by yourself with two sources of reading material and your iPod plugged into your ears. Despite the book and the newspaper, you were totally zoning out, looking all angsty and frustrated about something," I paused here. Edward's eyebrows were doing that trick Rosalie's usually pulled, merging with his hairline. Emmett was laughing so hard I was afraid he was going to choke.

"Oh my God, Bells, you didn't even have to talk to him to get his number!" Emmett gasped, cracking himself up even more.

Edward rolled his eyes, then focused back on me, his eyebrows pulled together. The line on his forehead had reappeared. "Is that all?" he asked quietly.

Now it was my turn to roll _my_ eyes. "I was watching you for five minutes. You really think that's all I noticed?" Jake chuckled and squeezed my shoulder, but I noticed he looked a little weirded out that I had just admitted to staring at the beautiful man sitting next to me. Whatever, it was for my art! Mostly.

"Your face looks kind of careworn, like you worry a lot. Especially when you furrow your eyebrows like that. And you looked so _tired_. I thought you had a good face for a protagonist, maybe a tortured hero." Oh my God did I actually just call him tortured? _Please let him think I'm teasing. _

"You looked like someone who wanted to make things right, like a fixer," I concluded. "I toyed with making you a cop or a doctor…but those didn't fit." I started to blush again. Here was where I sounded totally amateur.

Edward was past looking uncomfortable. He had settled somewhere between amused, annoyed and … impressed. It was weird how fast I had picked up on his facial expressions. That was when I realized I had spent way too much time staring at this man's face, especially considering I am a happily-practically-engaged woman.

Rose sighed, impatient. "Well?" she prodded. "What did you settle on? We're dying here, Bella."

"Don't laugh, ok?" I pleaded. I was sure I would be bright red for the rest of the night. "But the story just kind of came to me, and it was so much fun…"

"Bella…" Jake whined. He hates it when I stall, and he pulled out his begging face to speed me up. He made that face yesterday morning when he was trying to get me back into bed. _Don't go there_, I told myself firmly. I noticed Edward wasn't a fan of whining. He was giving Jake a disgruntled look. I cleared my throat and his eyes snapped back to my face, expectant.

"I wrote a superhero story, ok? It's not finished yet, but it was really fun and I'll stop if it makes you uncomfortable and you never have to hear about it again!" I spit my confession out rapid fire, all in one breath. I had picked up that particular habit from Alice, who pretty much spewed words when she was nervous. I swear it's contagious.

There was a beat of silence, followed by laughter from the entire table. Even Edward was laughing, his head thrown back, which gave me a fantastic view of his long, muscular neck…wait, what was so funny?

"Bella, that's the… so funny… so perfect…hero…complex…" Emmett was gasping. I was confused. Were they laughing at me or Edward? Did it matter? My permablush heated my face and neck again.

I looked from Rosalie to Jake, who didn't know Edward well enough to get this apparent jibe at his personality. I'm pretty sure _they_ were laughing at the horribly embarrassed look on my face. Oh well. That's life, I guess.

My so-called-friends calmed down a bit, and Edward looked straight into my eyes, still smiling. "What if I'm not the hero, Bella? What if I'm… the bad guy?" He narrowed his eyes in what he clearly thought was a ferocious grimace and growled. Yep, no joke, he growled. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't totally turned on. Lucky, lucky Jake.

"I'm not afraid of you," I retorted, smirking a crooked grin of my own at him (_take that!_) and snuggling into Jake's shoulder. Jake took my not so subtle hint and slung his arm around my shoulders, sighing contentedly.

The rest of the night passed quickly and enjoyably. Rose was right—Edward was fantastic, although I noticed that he and Jake didn't get along as well as I had hoped. He told us all about his move, regaling us with funny stories about the horrors of moving from Chicago to Seattle with his entire life packed in boxes. He had picked up and moved after a spot opened up in the Pediatric Residents program at UW's medical school. It's a prestigious program, and I could tell from just the brief discussion we had about his goals that Edward was ecstatic about the opportunity. Yep, the guy wants to fix sick kids for a living. I took a quick glance at his left hand. No wedding ring, although he could still be engaged or have a serious girlfriend. It was next to impossible that a man like Edward could be single.

Jake drove me home after dinner, insisting on staying at my place to "make up for missed opportunities." I knew it was a side effect of the dress and the wine at dinner. I wasn't complaining, I just wanted to prove that the other day was a fluke.

He practically tackled me as soon as we got through the door. Before I knew it, I was pinned against my living room wall, Jake grinding against me and moaning in my ear. _OK, Bella. Time to get back on the horse._

I gave myself over to the moment, trying to harness all the energy that Jake was exuding. His hands were everywhere, hot and urgent on my skin. He unzipped my dress and groaned when he saw my matching bra and panties. He knew I only matched for special occasions –it was just too much work to deal with that shit on a regular basis.

No matter how hard I clung to him, how much I wanted to just _want this_ already, I still couldn't feel it. Oddly enough, I was incredibly horny earlier that evening. During dinner, I thought I was going to explode from sexual tension; I had been really excited to get Jake home and in bed. Now, though, it was like a switch had been flipped inside me. I wasn't hot and bothered; I was very, very cool. _Frigid_, Rosalie's voice taunted me in my head.

Jake was carrying me to my bed, pulling off his clothes as he went. While my body struggled to pretend for Jake, my mind was trying to figure out what had gotten me so worked up during dinner. Then I thought of Edward laughing with his head flung back... Edward, reaching up to run his fingers through his already wild hair… Edward _growling_… and that's when I lost it.

I didn't fake it that night, but as Jake touched me and loved me I was thinking about a different set of hands. And when he whispered, "My God, you're beautiful. I love you Bells," before drifting off into sleep, I wanted to cry again.

I waited until I knew he was completely out, and then I snuck into the bathroom with my cell phone. It was the middle of the night in New York, but I knew Alice wouldn't mind. I had to talk to someone, and she was the only one I could trust with this.

I opened up my contact list and hit send at the very first name listed. _Alice Brandon_. After two rings, her clear voice came through like a life line. "Hello? Bella what's wrong?" She sounded so worried. I only called at weird times when something was seriously wrong. The tears were already burning in the corners of my eyes. I let out a half-sob, half-hiccup noise in response.

"I don't know!" I wailed, as quietly as I could, and promptly began to sob for the second time in two days.

"Bella, shhhhh, honey calm down. Breathe, just breathe," Alice chanted, low and comforting. I gasped in gulps of air, head between my knees. It was a good thing Jake was such a heavy sleeper, I really didn't want to have to explain this to him.

"OK… I think the moment has passed," I said shakily, once my blood stopped pounding in my ears and my sobs subsided. "Thank you, Alice. I don't know what's wrong with me lately."

Alice just waited. She was deadly with the waiting game. She knew I wouldn't be able to hang up until I had told her everything. I was sure she had been waiting for this phone call for the last week or so, she knew something was wrong. She always did.

I took another deep breath and started talking. I told her about how suffocated I had been feeling, how afraid the thought of Jacob proposing made me, how I hadn't been able to connect with Jake lately. I even told her about Edward and my superhero story, how much fun I had had at dinner, and how I had thought about him while I was with Jake. Alice just sat in silence, thousands of miles away and still as comforting as if she was sitting across from me.

When I ran out of steam, I fell silent and waited for Alice to fix everything.

"Bella, how long have you felt like this?" she said softly. "Ignoring the recent sex stuff, and the Edward stuff, which is a whole different set of issues. How long have you felt … suffocated?"

I thought about it for a few seconds, hesitating. It was no use lying, Alice would see through that in a second. "A while," I said evasively. I was afraid to admit that if I was being completely honest, the claustrophobia had set in at least six months ago.

"How long is a while?" Alice prodded, not letting it go. I knew she wouldn't. That's why I had called her.

"I don't know, Alice, six months? I just chalked it up to all the change: Jake applying to law school, then Jake starting law school. We've both been so busy, I was directing the musical and he's always at school. You know how much I hate new things." I was still qualifying, because the alternative was that I had been slowly falling out of love with the man who had been my best friend since I was 16, and I couldn't wrap my head around that.

"But I love Jake. Alice, I love him so much. He knows me, he cares about me and he _needs_ me…" I trailed off. I knew Alice's silence wasn't supposed to be skeptical, but I was on the defensive again. She just didn't understand.

"Bella, I wasn't suggesting that you don't love him. Of course you do," she said soothingly. "I was suggesting that maybe these problems go deeper than a couple of missed sexual opportunities and a dinner conversation with a cute guy." She was being so matter-of-fact about the complete destruction of my life. This tiny person, who hadn't lived in the same city as me for three years, was slowly breaking me down in a way I hadn't been able to myself.

"You don't know what you're saying," I protested, trying to keep the angry tears from clouding my voice. "We've talked about marriage so many times. This is a forever kind of love, Alice. I've always known I would end up with Jake. It's a foregone conclusion!"

"Obviously not, Bells," she responded. "Because you wouldn't be freaking out like this if everything was sunshine and roses. You wouldn't feel backed into a corner every time someone asks if Jake's popped the question yet. I wouldn't be talking you down off a ledge at 4:00 a.m." She was on a roll now, laying out the ugly facts. I hated her in that moment.

"Bella, can you tell me right now that Jake makes you feel like you want to feel for the rest of your life?"

There it was. A question that, after four years of dating and a decade of friendship, I should really have an answer to, or what was I doing here? My chest clenched and my heart pounded.

I thought about how his stories rambled around and never seemed to come to any real conclusion. I thought about how often I tuned him out when he spoke because it was boring. I had taken to reading while on the phone with him. I looked for excuses to cancel our date nights because I didn't have the energy to be the Bella he expected, and I never wanted to just hang out with him anymore. I thought about how he never seemed to think about what I needed when I was upset, but was quick to lean on me, hard, when he had any problems or wanted something, expecting me to make everything better.

And I remembered all the conversations we'd had about our life together, and how different our visions seemed to be. I had always chalked those things up to ideas we could compromise on later. Now, it seemed glaringly obvious that we disagreed, quite firmly, in ways that couldn't be reconciled. He wanted to have lots of kids, soon. I wanted to wait several years, go back to school, and write a novel first. He saw a life where I would stay at home and take care of children while he worked and provided for our family. I knew I would never be happy without my own work. He wanted to move back to Forks, settle down near our fathers and stay there for the rest of our lives. I needed to be in the bustle of the city, and I wasn't even positive if I wanted to stay in Seattle or move somewhere new. Both of us were so certain the other would see reason and change their mind. And if it hadn't happened in four years, what were the chances it would happen just because we got married?

"No," I said quietly, taking in the enormity of that one, short word."I don't want to feel like this anymore."

Alice didn't say anything for about 30 seconds.

"Can you pick me up after school today, Bella? I'll be at SeaTac by 5:35 p.m."

I sighed into the phone, shaking my head. "Alice, you don't need to be here for this. I can handle it on my own. And you certainly don't need to drop $500 on a plane ticket right now."

"Bullshit. My flight number is Continental 1691. I'll expect you to be waiting at baggage claim. I'm bringing Jasper, and we're staying with you. Get over it."

I huffed into the phone, but I was happy that she was coming. I was even happy she was bringing Jasper. I hadn't seen him in a while, and he made her so happy. He had a calming influence on people, which made sense since he worked as a professional mediator. Actually, I was surprised he would be able to take the time off to come for a visit.

"Alice, how is it that you have plane tickets and that Jasper can get off of work on such short notice?" I asked suspiciously.

"I've had these tickets for about a month Bella. I told Jasper to put in for a week of vacation starting Monday. I had a feeling." Of course. My psychic best friend, who knows about problems in my life before I even realize they exist. Give her a round of applause, ladies and gentlemen!

"Now go to sleep Bella. Go back to bed, because there's nothing more you can do right now. Go back to bed, and know that I'm coming tomorrow and I love you. Things are going to get hard, but you don't have to do anything alone." Her voice had taken on a soft, melodic quality, almost like she was singing me a lullaby. I sighed and said good night.

I crawled back into bed, groaning as I noticed that it was only 1:30 a.m. and I wasn't sleepy at all. Jake mumbled something incoherently and rolled towards me, wrapping me in his warm embrace. I settled in, trying not to ask myself how many more times I would lie here with him, like this. I didn't want to cry anymore. Instead, I went through a meditation routine I learned in high school, the first time I had a bout of insomnia. Taking deep breaths, I focused on a single image and repeated the word "one" over and over again in my head. Normally, the image was a white hoop, simple and concrete. Tonight, though, all I could see was a set of mossy green eyes.


	4. Chapter 4

When Jake got up that morning, I had already been awake for two hours. I suffered through three hours fitful sleep before giving up. I looked up from my laptop when Jake stumbled out of my room, sleepy smile plastered on his face at the sight of me in my blue bra and a pair of his boxers. I had spent the last couple of hours working on the short story I began in the coffee shop that night with Edward. It was the only thing keeping me from more tears, and so I clung to it.

Thankfully, Jake was in a bit of a rush, as he had to get to his apartment and then to school in record time. I offered to drive him, but he shrugged it off, saying he would call a cab. I was relieved. I wanted to avoid spending too much time with him until I could decide what to do about our current situation. Before he left, I let him know that Alice had surprised me with a visit, and that we probably wouldn't get to see each other over the next couple of days. He accepted it easily, not complaining or even looking annoyed. He never suggested we hang out as a group, just nodded and said he'd see me "whenever." _When did we get this way?_

Since it was almost Christmas, my students were restless and not in the mood for any serious work. I compromised by screening movie versions of the plays we had read in our Shakespeare unit. Today we were starting the Leonardo DiCaprio version of _Romeo and Juliet. _When we were done with it, I planned on showing Kenneth Branagh's _Much Ado About Nothing_, my favorite of the comedies. I would compensate for the movie days by quizzing them about details, but the break was as much for my own relief as my students.

At lunch with Rose, I told her casually that my friend Alice and her fiancé Jasper were coming to visit. Rosalie nearly exploded with excitement. She had heard a lot of stories about Alice but the two had never met. I promised that we would all get together Thursday night. She agreed on the spot, saying she would bring Emmett and Edward along as well.

I hurried home after school, knowing that Alice would ream me out for being less than fashion-conscious if I picked her up in my work clothes. I grabbed a quick snack and dashed out the door again, speeding toward the airport and my best friend.

Of course, all the rushing only got me there extremely early, so I was reduced to lurking in the airport bookstores, browsing aimlessly until it was time to meet Alice and Jasper. I have a bit of a problem when it comes to books. I hate borrowing them from libraries because, of course, eventually I have to return said books. I like knowing that when I want to re-read something, it's sitting there waiting for me on my bookshelf. Unfortunately, that means I spend a lot of money on reading material, something that endlessly annoys Jake. _Put it on the list_, I thought sadly.

I was standing in the middle of baggage claim under a giant, plastic number 9, when the wind got knocked out of my chest. Immediately afterwards, iron bands started squeezing my ribcage. I started to hyperventilate, thinking for a brief moment that I had finally succumbed to complete anxiety when I realized that the iron bands belonged to Alice.

I gasped, laughing as I tried to detach her. "Alice, have you been working out? Yeesh, girl, give me a heart attack why don't you?" I joked, hugging her back. Only then did I notice the tall blonde man smiling sheepishly at me from several feet away. I smiled at him. "Hey, Jasper! How was your flight?"

"Long," he drawled, raising his eyebrows at Alice, who by now had let go of me and was looking me over in a way that was far from casual. "Alice doesn't like flying coach."

I had to laugh at that. It's true, Alice is used to the finer things in life, and I'm sure not being waited on hand and foot in her coach seat was irritating. I tell her she's spoiled all the time, but she just responds by saying, "I just like things the way I _like_ them, that's all. Why is that such a bad thing?" She usually follows up that statement with an eyelash flutter and a little girl pout.

I turned my attention back to Alice, who was looking at me with poorly disguised worry in her eyes. "Bella, you're so _thin!_ When did that happen? And you're even paler than usual! And _what_ are you wearing? This will not do. I'm here now, and things are going to be different." And with that, she grabbed my arm and started hauling me through baggage claim toward short-term parking.

"Geez, make a girl feel good about herself why don't you?" I muttered. She was right, I had lost weight in the last couple of months. I love food, but when I get anxious or overworked I tend to forget to eat, and my stress levels had been at their peak lately. As for being pale, that was a cheap shot. She knows I've always been practically transparent. I sighed. Apparently not even my attempt at dressing up my tiny wardrobe had satisfied her.

As she pulled me through the airport, I took stock of the tiny changes in Alice since the last time I had seen her. Her inky hair was shorter than I had ever seen it. It almost reminded me of Edward's in the way it stuck out in every direction. In an obvious contrast to skin-and-bones me, Alice had filled out. She wasn't fat by any stretch of the imagination, but she was finally curvy in a womanly way. When we were in college she had always been diet conscious to the extreme, never allowing stray calories onto her plate. Despite the fact that she was a good foot and a half too short to make it in modeling, she insisted on maintaining a "model's figure." Evidently she had let that go and embraced her _actual_ figure.

She still walked with purpose, at a pace that was astonishing considering how short her legs were. Jasper and I were jogging to keep up. When we made it to my car, Jasper loaded their bags into my trunk and then turned to hug me properly. I sighed contentedly. It was hard to not feel like everything was right with the world when Jasper was around. He had been with Alice for as long as I had been with Jake. He was originally from Texas, but they had met at UW our sophomore year and started dating as juniors. He moved out to New York with her because he couldn't stand being away from her. I remember being jealous at the time, because I knew Jake would never follow me that far from home.

"Jasper, I swear if you could package your hugs you'd be an overnight millionaire," I said, smiling up at him.

"Amen to that," Alice piped in, grinning at us.

I slid into my driver's seat happily. It had been a long time since I had driven with passengers. Jake always insisted on driving, and sometimes I felt a bit "Driving Miss Daisy" about the whole situation. Alice was bouncing and chattering in my backseat, having graciously let Jasper sit shot-gun because of his long legs.

"So, Bella," Alice said, in a voice that usually foreshadowed something dire was about to happen. "Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to spill everything you've been hiding from your very bestest girlfriend and help _me_ help _you_," her voice got goofy at the end, and then morphed into a spooky, sideshow psychic voice. "I foresee… retail therapy in your future!"

Jasper, unable to hold in the chuckles that were clearly building in his chest, burst out laughing at my face after Alice's "prediction."

"She's going to have a panic attack, hon. Maybe you should ease her into the shopping," Jasper called over his shoulder, winking at me and grinning.

"I was hoping we could take it easy on the confessions and just have some fun tonight," I said, meeting Alice's disappointed eyes in my rearview mirror. "Maybe we can grab some pizza and head out to that coffee shop I was telling you about? We can people watch!" I threw down my trump card, knowing it would be hard for her to resist the offer of Seattle coffee and our favorite game.

She pretended to think about it for a second, then smiled and agreed. "Only because you're taking me to the place where you met a superhero. If you can have a chance encounter with a story like that after one visit, think of what we can find together!" She wiggled her eyebrows up and down suggestively.

I just laughed with her, my mind going back to Edward's story. I had gotten through the exposition of the draft fairly easily, but I was stuck on where to go from here. I had resorted to editing and rewriting the first 20 pages, waiting for inspiration to strike. My brooding hero and feisty heroine were locked in their prospective status quos, but now I needed their worlds to collide. Unfortunately, everything I tried seemed too corny or overplayed. Maybe Alice would be able to help.

"I hope you guys don't mind, I already called in an order for takeout at Serious Pie," I said. Alice and I had discovered their pizza after she had already left Seattle, and she every time she came back she complained about the years of potential enjoyment she had lost.

"Ohmigodbellaseriouspieismyfavoritethisissoexciting!" Alice squealed. Did I mention that the nervous word-spewing also applies to excitement? This is not fast talking a la Bella Swan. Alice is a professional. And I had almost forgotten how _loud_ she is. Emmett would have competition at dinner tomorrow.

"Um… Alice, honey? Breathe," Jasper joked. "What's Serious Pie, Bella?"

"Only the best pizza ever! They've got some pretty unique ingredients, but I think you'll love it. I also ordered a dessert pie, before you ask." I directed this last sentence to Alice, who looked like she was going to deliver another outburst.

We swung by the restaurant before heading back to my apartment. Jasper had never seen my apartment, so I gave him the grand tour of my five rooms before we settled down to eat. I apologized for my papers that were strewn everywhere. Normally I'm pretty neat, but with the life crisis and writing spree I'd been on, my tidying up had suffered a bit.

Alice rolled her eyes at my apology. "Please, do you remember the way Jasper lived before he moved in with me? The phrase 'bachelor pad' doesn't even begin to describe that disaster area. Don't get your panties in a twist over a few loose papers."

It was nice to sit down with friends and joke around. My dinner with Rosalie, Emmett, Edward, and Jacob, though fun, had been laced with so many different tensions. Alice and Jasper talked easily, teasing each other and filling me in on the details of their life in New York. Alice revealed that she was considering leaving the city.

"But why? I thought things were going really well with your line!" I felt blindsided, she had never mentioned moving before.

"Well, we've been talking a lot about moving back to Washington, maybe even before the wedding this summer," Alice explained. "Our lease is up in the spring, and Jasper has been talking to some people about jobs. I've made good contacts in New York, but I don't see myself there long term. I've been talking with some of the studios here about teaming up, maybe adding jewelry to the designs."

My whole face must have lit up, because she laughed and hugged me, clearly just as excited about the idea. "I had no idea you were planning on coming back so _soon_! Are you sure? This is so exciting!" I don't normally speak in exclamation points, but I was so happy about the idea of Alice moving home that I couldn't really contain myself. It was the best news I had gotten in a long time.

Jasper said he wanted to stay behind and get some work done, so Alice and I were on our own heading to Café Amore.

"Don't you dare finish off that pizza, Jasper Whitlock," I threatened him, shaking my fist at him. "I'll sic Alice on you, and you don't want that, do you?"

He started shaking in faux terror. "No, ma'am. Please don't let her get me."

"Don't worry. You just keep your stomach in line and I'll protect you from your fiancé," I assured him, grabbing Alice in a lightning fast move and rubbing my fist on her head. She squealed and twisted out of the way, her face a mask of fury and despair.

"BELLA! MY HAIR," she shrieked. "What was going through that head of yours? Now you'll have to wait while I fix it. And you'll have to let me do your hair to make it up to me!" She marched me off to the bathroom and started plugging in the torture devices that I associated with high school proms and homecoming dances. The one good thing about Alice moving to New York was that I was no longer subjected to the beauty rituals she believed were as vital as breathing. Rosalie occasionally shoved me into a pair of heels or dragged me out shopping, but nothing compared to the dress-up marathons that Alice was so fond of.

Forty-five minutes later, we waved goodbye to Jasper, who had wisely hid in my office after Alice started playing with my hair. She loved my long, wavy brown hair. In college she had tried to get me to dye it a couple of times, but I always stood firm. In the end, she admitted that my natural color was "healthy," whatever that means. I think it might be Alice-speak for boring.

I've never been particularly attractive, but I like to think that I'm not completely hideous. My friends are always going on about how great my complexion is, and it was nice to not worry too much about pimples and dry skin as a teenager. I've never worn makeup, although I carry around my Bert's Bees chapstick religiously. Whenever Alice goes overboard, I somehow end up with eyeliner, eye-shadow, mascara, blush, and lip gloss covering my face. Today I managed to talk her down to the eyeliner and the lip gloss by describing how dark the coffee shop would be.

After fixing her spiky do, Alice had turned her attention to me. She declared me an official fashion emergency and spun me around so I couldn't see myself. She was determined that I look my very best for our "field trip", as she called it. In the end, she had pinned my hair in a low, side pony tail, curled in a way that cascaded over my shoulder and down my back. She curled my fly-aways so that they framed my face.

I left my laptop at my apartment, sensing that Alice was going to force me to talk regardless, and pretending like I was actually going to write tonight would just get my hopes up. We ordered two peppermint mochas and went to sit in the same corner booth I had occupied on Monday night.

"So…" Alice said in a light tone, looking around her. "This is your new place, huh?"

I laughed. "I guess so. I haven't been to that diner on campus in a long time, and Monday was the first time I've written anything since last spring. I like the vibe here," I said shrugging.

"Well, if you can get inspired, that's what it's all about, right?" she mused. "Art doesn't just spring fully formed out of your fingers, no matter how much we wish it did." She heaved a melodramatic sigh, and I laughed again, mostly because to me it had always seemed like Alice's art really _did_ just sprang whole cloth out of her head.

She was quiet, looking at the paintings on the walls and sipping her mocha. _Damn waiting game_.

"Are you going to tell me how you knew something was wrong before I did?" I asked quietly.

My question recaptured her attention, her eyes snapping back up to mine. She looked almost guilty. Why would she feel guilty? It wasn't her fault.

"I…um…well sometimes I talk to Jake. I just put the pieces together," she said. "Then there's the fact that you never talk about him anymore, and when you do it's just so…forced. I'm surprised it took you this long to realize it."

My eyes filled with tears. _God I'm sick of crying_. Good thing I had avoided the mascara.

"You talk to Jake? How often? What has he said? Is he unhappy too?" I couldn't stop the questions, it was word-vomit city all over again. The tightness in my chest returned, and a new knot appeared in my stomach. Suddenly my mocha smelled disgusting.

Alice scooted out of her side of the booth and slid in next to me. She wrapped her arms around me and murmured quietly, just like she had last night. "Shhhhhh, Bella, honey. I know it's hard. Shhhhhh." She rocked me in her arms, back and forth, to a steady rhythm. Once I was calmer, she took a deep breath and started talking again.

"It's really not my business, Bella, but I love you, and you asked. So here it is. Jake is comfortable, and it's nice to be with him, but honestly, you two just don't connect enough. A marriage is about compromise, and understanding what your partner needs and wants. You two struggle so much and you work so hard, and nothing seems to help.

"Don't get me wrong," she quickly qualified. "Relationships, marriages require a lot of work. But it shouldn't be so hard to do the work, Bells. You shouldn't have to give up everything. And you definitely shouldn't feel like this. That's my opinion, but ultimately it's your life. You need to do what _you_ think is right." She grabbed a napkin and wiped my puffy eyes, taking most of the eyeliner with the tears. Then she held the napkin to my nose and said, "Blow."

I looked at her like she was crazy, but she just kept her hand out, waiting. So I blew my runny nose into that already disgusting napkin, and Alice just crumpled it up and stuck it in her pocket. No big deal. I was torn between more tears and laughter, so I compromised and did both.

"You are going to be one heck of a mom, babe," I said shakily. She beamed at me, hugged me a little tighter, and then let me go, going back around to the other side of the booth.

"What are the chances we'll see Captain Fantastic tonight?" Alice asked teasingly. She had started calling Edward "Captain Fantastic" as soon as she heard about the role I had cast him in. It was actually pretty funny, and not too far off the mark, but I was terrified that someone else would hear her say it. Murphy's Law had been operating on my life in full force lately, and I didn't want to encourage things further.

"I have no idea. I've only been here the one time, and I don't know how often he comes here. Besides, _Edward_ is a pediatric resident, he's probably working. I hear young doctor's do that a lot," I teased.

"We do," an amused voice agreed with me. It was low and rich. As the blush started working its way up my neck I slowly turned to face Edward, a smirk on his face and one eyebrow raised. Murphy's Law strikes again!

"Ed…Edward," I stammered. In a flash, his face turned from amused to concerned. He reached up a hand, almost like he was going to touch my face. Quickly, he let it drop back to his side.

"I'm sorry to sneak up on you like that, I just… Bella what's wrong? Did something happen?"

"No, no, I'm fine," I said quickly. "Edward Cullen, this is Alice Brandon. Alice and I have been friends since high school, she's visiting me from New York. Alice, I told you about Edward, Emmett's brother." I was making frantic faces at Alice, pleading her not to say anything embarrassing.

Edward had looked at me sharply when I introduced him, but then aimed a wide smile in at Alice and held out his hand. Great, there's probably going to be a three car pileup outside the café.

"Nice to meet you," Alice said, a bit breathlessly. I may have been a teensy bit smug that my descriptions of Edward's good looks had not been exaggerated. Alice winked at me, and then turned back to Edward with her hands on her hips. "Warn a girl before you whip out that smile, Dr. Cullen. You'll hurt someone."

Edward laughed carelessly, freely. It was a beautiful sound. I was staring off past Alice, not looking at either of them… just memorizing his laugh. I must have missed something, because Alice was snapping her fingers at me. "Bella? Earth to Bella! You there, kid?" She sounded like she was biting back some giggles.

"Huh?" was my incredibly intelligent response.

"I was just saying that I was on my way out," Edward said softly. He looked unhappy again. He may be pretty, but the boy had more mood swings than I did. I added it to my Brooding Hero Personality Traits list. What? I like making lists. "But Emmett told me about dinner tomorrow and I'm looking forward to seeing you and Jacob again." Was it my imagination or did he stumble a bit over Jake's name? That's silly. I was hearing things that weren't there, a reaction to all the stress and crying no doubt.

"Well Jake probably won't be joining us. He has finals next week and his reading days start tomorrow," I explained. "I'll invite him of course, but I think he'll be committing himself to hermitude in the law library."

"That's too bad," Edward said lightly, giving me a more reserved version of his earlier grin. "Well, I will see you ladies tomorrow. I'll try to be coherent at dinner, though no promises. I have to go in to work now. Have a good night." With that, he strode quickly out the door and into the night. I could only hope that, for the safety of the other drivers, he would keep the smiling to a minimum on his drive home.

I sat staring after him for a second before it registered that Alice had completely dissolved into the giggles she had been holding. "W-O-W Bella. Dr. McDoMe! Seriously, he's related to Emmett? I've seen pictures of Emmett and I don't think so." She was fanning herself now, feigning fainting spells.

I laughed along with her now, agreeing wholeheartedly. "I know, and can you believe no ring? Wait till you talk to him for more than two seconds. He's funny, and smart obviously, and he composes music and plays the piano, you know_, in his spare time_. It's like, the best dating resume you've ever heard."

I was enjoying the girl talk until I heard myself. I was literally _gushing_ to Alice about this guy I barely knew. I was completely smitten and had already fantasized about him once during sex with my long term, perfectly lovely boyfriend. This was very, very bad. What kind of a monster was I?

Cue the waterworks.

After going through several more napkins and probably leaving permanent salt stains on Alice's shirt, we went back to my apartment.

Of three things I was absolutely positive. First, I was not in love with Jacob Black anymore. Second, there was a part of me, and I wasn't sure how dominant that part might be, which desperately wanted Edward. And third, I had to stay away from him at all costs.

**Author's note: Ok, guys, I'm not posting any more until I get some feedback! I know you're reading, the little traffic cop on my profile tells no lies. ******** Pretty please?**


	5. Chapter 5

"So… do you have a plan?" Rosalie asked. I had filled her in on my conversations with Alice this morning, and we agreed to go out for lunch. We settled on a café not far from the high school. She sipped her soup thoughtfully.

"I've never had to dump a guy after so long. You don't think he already has a ring do you? That would be just awful," she mused. What was it with people being so completely nonchalant about my life falling apart?

"Gee, I don't know Rose. Maybe I should ask him before I break his heart into a million pieces, jump on top of those pieces, and then throw them away. Hey, Jake, I don't love you. Can I see the ring?" I said sarcastically.

She pursed her lips in a thin line. "You don't have to yell at me, Bella. It was just a question. Of course you won't say anything about a ring. At this point, I think you'll be lucky to break up with him before he proposes."

For the one thousandth, six hundredth and forty-second time that week, tears started leaking out of my eyes. You'd think that a person could only produce a finite number of tears, but I'm here to tell you, it's not true. Apparently, _my_ body contains an unlimited supply of tears and isn't skimpy about sharing them.

In my head, I could see the scene perfectly. _Jake would take me out to First Beach on Christmas morning. We had our first kiss there at the ages of 18 and 16 respectively (at the time, both of us had declared the "experiment" a failure). The waves are cresting and crashing, and it's freezing, but Jake is a human furnace so he's not really worried about it. He leads me to the driftwood tree where we spent so many hot summer nights just talking and laughing, and he gets on one knee. We cry and hug and kiss and it's perfect…_

Now that scene on the beach is just a could-have-been. I cradled my head in my hands for a moment.

"Rose, what am I going to do? I can't do this to him during his finals. And then it's Christmas, and our families have been doing holidays together for years now. Then New Years…" my eyes widened in horror. "There's no time to do this. What am I going to do?"

"Well first of all you're going to cheer the hell up," she said abruptly. I looked up, shocked. "I know this totally blows. I know you feel like your insides are being ripped out. But you're never going to make it if you don't shake some of this now."

I smiled weakly. "Since when do you say things like 'totally blows'?"

"Since I've been spending most of my spare time with Emmett Cullen," she admitted, sticking her tongue out at me. "Which reminds me, you better put on your happy face before tonight. I'm not going to sit there and watch you hold in tears for several hours."

"Kick a girl when she's down, Rosalie," I snapped. "Excuse me while I go buy a new personality, one that doesn't force me to care about people. It should only take a minute. Where did you get yours?"

To my complete surprise, the bitch grinned at me. That's right, just let this bright, Barbie doll, bubble gum smile out of the box and blinded me with it.

"What the hell are you so happy about?" I snarled.

"When you're mad at me you forget to be sad," she said seriously, dimming down the megawatts on her smile until it was just a faint glimmer. "I don't mind being a target if it means you stop crying for a while."

"Well as sweet as that sentiment is, I would prefer you not bust my balls to distract me," I said wryly. "You could, you know, try to make me laugh or something."

"Nah," she joked. "Your short fuse is way more sensitive than your funny bone. That's one of the reasons I thought you would like Edward. The way Emmett's always describing him, he can go from complete jackass to sweet and funny in 30 seconds flat. It reminded me of your epic mood swings. I thought you would have a stabilizing influence on each other."

My jaw tightened at the mention of Edward. Frankly, I was trying not to think about him. I certainly hadn't been imagining his three car pileup smile, or his beautiful soft green eyes, or his deep, smooth voice… Like I said. I had officially banished Captain Fantastic from my thoughts. Unofficially was another story.

"I don't think Edward and I got along that great," I lied. I willed myself not to blush. Rosalie lifted her eyebrows in disbelief.

"Seriously?" she said. "You talked with him all night at dinner. I thought I was going to have to pry you two apart with a crowbar. He talked about you the entire way back to his apartment, too. He wouldn't shut up. When Emmett invited him to this thing tonight, his first question was whether you'd be there."

Obviously Edward had not gotten my memo on the "Stay the Hell Away from Edward Cullen" plan. While a (_tiny, minute_) part of me was pleased that Edward liked me, the rest of me was running around in circles, setting off alarms, flashing strobe lights and yelling "Danger, Will Robinson!" If you think that the inside of my head sounds strangely like a 1960's sitcom about a family lost in the outer reaches of the galaxy, well then, you'd be pretty spot on.

My inner alarm system was clearly remotely connected to my blushing reflex. Despite the fact that I was now incredibly red, I was proud that I had managed to hold out for almost a full minute before succumbing. I had given up on the hope that one day I just wouldn't blush anymore, but maybe I could learn how to delay it.

"Rose, I don't think it's a good idea for me to spend time with Edward," I said firmly. "Not with everything like it is… he seems like a really great guy but I don't really need _more_ drama in my life right now."

"Who said anything about drama? Geez, calm down. I just think you guys could be friends," she said. "There's no reason to isolate yourself just because you're going through a rough patch." She was looking at me with an extremely skeptical look on her face. Her eyebrows were pulling their magical disappearing trick.

"Fine," I muttered. "But don't expect me to enjoy it."

Rosalie burst in to giggles, _fucking blonde,_ and after a couple seconds I couldn't help but join in.

"We going bowling tonight, by the way," she continued, daring me with her eyes to protest.

"Shit, Rose, you know how uncoordinated I am," I grumbled. "I'll probably manage to bean myself in the head with a bowling ball. Are you trying to get me killed? Not that I'm complaining, then I wouldn't have to break up with Jake."

"About that," she interrupted. "I've been thinking about it, and I think now that you've made your decision, you need to just rip the Band-Aid off. Who cares about Christmas, who cares about his tests? You need to get some closure and then move the hell _on_ already. Stop thinking, stop stalling."

I sputtered for a second, going completely white at the thought of "ripping the Band-Aid off." It was an improvement from the blushing at least.

"Just march on over to his apartment this afternoon, sit down and have a chat about it," she continued, ignoring my incoherent protests. "What's worse, thinking about it for the next few weeks, or just getting it over with? You know I'm right. You'll feel loads better. And afterwards, you can spend some time with your friends and we'll take care of you."

With that, she stood up, deposited her soup cup in the self-busing tub, and marched out to her car. I couldn't move for a second, processing what she had just said. I seemed to be doing that a lot lately. In fact, most of my life was spent processing, thinking, planning, and organizing. I never seemed to actually _do_ anything.

On the other hand, I was constantly surrounded by people who made things happen. They were the doers: Alice, Rosalie, Jacob, even Edward. They worked toward goals, but not in the stagnant and cripplingly slow way I did.

It made sense that Rose would suggest this approach because that's how she lived her life. She made a decision and she acted on it. How many times had I wished I was able to do that? When did I decide it was too hard to change my outlook? I was 25 years old, for crying out loud. I could do anything, literally anything, and I somehow convinced myself that I was trapped in the seemingly inevitable path my life was currently taking.

I stood up and joined Rose in her car. We drove back to school in silence, and I went through the motions of teaching for the rest of the day. My head wasn't in it. I was steeling myself for my trip to Jake's apartment. I had memorized his schedule, and I knew he should be home when I finished school. I prayed that he hadn't put together a new schedule for his reading days. I wanted to do this now. I was ready _now._ I didn't know if my resolve would hold.

I used my key to get into his apartment. It was 4:00. Most of the lights were off, but I heard noises coming from his office. I walked through his kitchen and living room, following the sounds. He was blasting some God-awful grunge metal band at top volume. I never understood how he could concentrate through that screaming, crashing noise, let alone get anything done. I always had to leave the room or request that he put on a pair of headphones when he started with that shit.

The door to his office was ajar, and I could hear laughter. Crap, was he with someone? It made sense, he liked to study with other people, and he had a nice apartment. I hadn't factored in this possibility. Would I have the balls to interrupt his study group? Maybe they were winding down. I decided to check, creeping closer to the door and peeking into the room. I was not remotely prepared for what I saw next.

Jake was sitting at his desk in his wheelie-chair, wearing nothing but his boxer briefs. There were papers strewn all over his desk and on his futon. A beautiful strawberry blonde woman was lying on her stomach on the futon. She was only wearing a pair of light pink panties, and I could see where their clothes had been strewn all over the floor. Her bra (_of course it fucking _matches) was hanging from his desk lamp. They were both laughing, and as I watched, with my jaw somewhere in the vicinity of my ankles, Jake got up and leaned over her, kissing an all-too-familiar trail down her neck and back.

Somewhere inside, the warning bells and strobe lights started up again, but I was too far gone to notice. Despite everything I had been going through, I realized now that I would have been willing to talk things through with Jake. The realization that he had cheated on me who knows how many times with this leggy, stunning woman and her matching underwear broke all my tenuous connections to reality. Before I knew what I was doing, I slammed open the door, murderously angry.

The looks on Jake and Blondie's faces were priceless. They didn't even move for a second, just stared at me like deer caught in the headlights of an oncoming semi trailer. I stifled the insane urge to laugh. Time stopped.

I have no idea how long I stood there before time restarted. Jacob leapt to his feet, throwing a blanket over the woman and pulling on his jeans. He was walking toward me slowly, his hands outstretched, eyes wide and panicked.

"Bella, this isn't… I can…" he was having problems forming sentences, which was rare for Jake. I found my voice.

"Don't. You. Dare. Touch. Me." I could feel myself get cold as I backed away from him. For once I wasn't crying or blushing. My stomach had a strange, leaden feeling, and I couldn't feel my heart in my chest. Maybe it had stopped. Maybe I had died. It certainly felt that way.

"Please don't go, babe," he pleaded, his face twisting into a grimace. "Let's talk about this."

I laughed, but it came out sounding more maniacal than I would have thought possible.

"You want to talk Jake? Would you like to discuss how long you've been fucking someone else? Or how you just threw four years of both our lives out the window? How about we talk about how it's over, and I don't ever want to see you again?" I was screaming now.

"Don't say that Bella, don't say that," Jake's voice sounded fuzzy, like he was choking back tears. "We can work through this, I swear this was the first time, I would never…"

I cut him off.

"But you did, Jake. And I don't _want_ to work through this. Fuck you." He grabbed my wrists, and I spat in his face. Wrenching myself from his grip, I spun on my heel and ran from his apartment.

_Well, that was easier than I thought it would be._


	6. Chapter 6

By the time I reached my car, the shock of what I had just seen had worn off a little. Obviously I wasn't the only one in this relationship who had been confused. Neither one of us was happy. My solution just wasn't as hurtful as his. Well, I suppose dumping him would have been hurtful, but at least the reason wasn't that I was screwing around with someone else.

I could hear him calling my name and running to catch up with me. I paused, wondering how much I really wanted to have this conversation right here, right now. Once again, Rosalie's stupid voice tugged at my mind. _Closure. Rip off the Band-Aid._

I stood firm at the curb, turning around slowly with my arms crossed. _No more tears. He's clearly not worth it._

Jake was gasping for breath by the time he reached me. I was glad to see that he had pulled on a t-shirt before following me outside his apartment building. Small favors.

"Bella, please don't go. Come back inside. Tanya left, let's talk about this," he pleaded.

_So the bitch has a name._ "Oh good, I wouldn't want to make _Tanya_ uncomfortable," I said, sneering at him.

His eyes flashed and his jaw tightened slightly, like he was angry. He had the gall to be angry about this? Oh, HELL no.

"You know what, Jake, this was perfect timing. I was actually coming over today to talk about how unhappy I've been with our relationship," I said. He wanted to talk? I was going to talk. Screw measuring my words carefully, I was a doer now.

"I've been rearranging myself for you for too long. I deserve to be with someone who wants the same things from life that I do. So do you. If that's Tanya, you have my blessing. But this," here I gestured to him and me, waving my hand back and forth, "This ends now. I was going to offer to try to work this out, but after seeing you with her, I know that's not going to happen. If you loved me, you wouldn't have been capable of whatever that was. I deserve someone who loves _me_."

He just stood there, eyes bugging out of his head, like I was speaking Japanese or something. "Bella, come back inside," he said, coaxing now, smiling with the pout that used to get him everything he wanted.

"Did I stutter?" I asked in complete disbelief. "I'm done, Jake. I'm out. Later days, sayonara, adios. Peace out, homes."

"You don't mean that," he said, grabbing for my hand again. Now MY eyebrows were doing disappearing tricks. Was this guy for real? I really must be a pushover. I backed away until I was up against my car.

"I do mean it Jake. I'm breaking up with you. Do not call me. If I want to talk to you, you'll know."

I got into my car, still unable to believe that someone so smart could be so obtuse. He clearly overestimated the influence his incredibly good looks and rocking body had on a girl. Too bad I had known him before he got so hot. I was immune. Did he really think that after catching him half naked with another woman I was going to even _consider_ coming inside to talk to him about it? I looked at him in my rearview mirror as I drove away.

He was still standing at the curb, his eyebrows pressed together in hurt and confusion. I laughed dryly. That was rich. He was hurt. Only an hour ago I had been worried about putting that look on his face. Now I wished I had been able to do one worse. I wished he would cry a small portion of the tears I had wasted on our relationship in the last week.

When I got home, my eyes were still dry. That had to be some kind of record. It was almost 5:00, and I knew Alice would be annoyed that I was so late getting home; we were supposed to meet Rosalie and the Cullens by 6:00. She wouldn't have nearly enough time to paint and polish me. At least that's what she would say—it usually took me less than 10 minutes to get myself ready.

Jasper was sitting on my sofa when I opened the front door. He took one look at me and his forehead creased with concern. I silently cursed my far-too-easily read face. Even sans-tears and completely normal colored, Jasper was able to take one look at me and know something big and bad had gone down.

"Alice?" I asked tersely.

"Bathroom," he replied. I nodded once, and then made a beeline for the bathroom where I could hear Alice singing Rick Springfield's _Jesse's Girl_ at top volume. Despite my current mood, the sound of Alice's typical "going out" karaoke made me grin. Alice was standing in front of my full length mirror, swinging her hips as she played with her straight iron.

"And she's lovin' him with that body, I just know it!" she cried, shaking her butt at me. She was holding her round brush like a microphone, which she proceeded to shove in my face.

"Yeaaaah, and he's holding her in his arms late late at night!" I crooned, wiggling my eyebrows suggestively back at her.

"You know I wish that I had JESSE'S GIRL!" we yelled together. Alice, in typical fashion, had inserted Jasper's name into the lyrics.

"Melodic, you two are not," Jasper snorted from the living room. "Bella, you have neighbors. I'm sure they appreciate the show, but maybe, you know, try to keep it under 100 decibels?"

Alice poked her head into the living room and chucked her brush at Jasper's head. He caught it deftly, and walked over to hand it back to her. He bowed slightly and offered it up to her. "My lady, I believe you dropped this?"

She giggled, accepting the brush back with a mock curtsey. "Why thank you kind sir! What a gentleman," she fluttered. She touched the brush to each of his shoulders. "Arise, sir knight!"

Instead of straightening, he grabbed her around the waist and slung her over his shoulder. She squealed, pounding his back with her fists and kicking her legs out as he spun her in circles. I was suddenly grateful that I wasn't a big collector of knickknacks.

"Put me down! I take it back, you have disgraced your title! No sex for a week!" Alice was shrieking at top volume now. That did it. Jasper put her back on her feet and knelt before her, atonement written all over his face.

As I watched Jasper and Alice play, so clearly in love, so sure of each other, I realized again how much I had been missing with Jake. We hadn't played like that in such a long time. Had we _ever_ played like that?

Thankfully, I didn't cry again, but my face did twist into an ugly grimace. Luckily, Alice and Jasper were having a moment, so neither one of them witnessed _my_ moment. I tiptoed into my room, hoping to be able to sneak something comfortable past Alice. No such luck, she had already laid out an outfit for me.

I walked back out to the living room holding the wraparound silky shirt that Alice had put on my bed.

"I'll wear the jeans you left out, Al, but don't even think about trying to force me into this top," I said. "We're going bowling, for God's sake. I'll look ridiculous. Can't I just wear a t-shirt?"

"Bowling?" Alice's nose crinkled up in disgust. "Why are we going bowling?"

"I don't know, Rose said to meet them at Galaxy Lanes at 6:00. I think we'll probably grab some pizza and beer while we're there," I explained.

As I spoke, Alice's face was getting gloomier and gloomier. "Pizza and beer? What kind of night out is that? Oh well, I suppose I can _endure_ it." She sighed melodramatically. "But tomorrow you and I and Rose are going out on the town. Hopefully Jasper here can get in some bonding time with the boys tonight or he is going to be sad and lonely on Friday night." She winked at him and shot him a cheeky grin.

I watched them smile at each other for another second before I realized that I still hadn't said anything about what happened at Jake's. Just as I was about to tell them, Alice shot me a piercing stare. "Why were you so late, Bella? You said you'd come straight home after school today."

"Well, I went over to Jacob's apartment…to talk," I said, hesitating. This was why Alice had come. If I couldn't tell this story to _her_, then who could I tell it to? Her eyes widened almost imperceptibly and she nodded, as if she'd been expecting something like this. She probably had.

She walked into my bedroom, waited for me to join her, and then closed the door. I was grateful; I mean, I love Jasper and everything but I wasn't really thrilled about the thought of him watching me break down over my cheating ex.

"You talk and change, I'll listen," she said simply.

Just like when I called her in the middle of the night (_was that really just two days ago?_) I unloaded the whole story while she sat there, a silent wall of empathy. When I told her about Tanya, she looked genuinely surprised. That was new… it was pretty hard to surprise Alice because she was so intuitive. And she had been talking to Jacob, so maybe he was telling the truth when he said it had only happened the one time. Not that he would tell my best friend in the whole world that he was cheating on me, but I never had to expressly tell Alice much before she knew everything.

By the time I got to my confrontation with Jake on the street, she had a strange gleam in her eyes. I was getting into the story now, imitating Jake's puppy dog eyes and his failed attempts to get me back inside. She was giggling when I told her want I said to him before driving away.

"Oh my God… seriously? _Did I stutter?_ I can't believe you said that to him!" She was all out grinning at me now. "I'm so proud of you honey. You deserve all those things, and you were finally able to admit it out loud."

What a strange day. I had been twisting myself in knots for the last four days and ignoring my instincts for the last six months. Now, suddenly, I had forcefully _dumped_, no other word for it, my long term boyfriend, and I wasn't even crying about it. I felt lighter. Buoyant.

Besides the floaty feeling, I felt kind of hollow. My stomach no longer felt like a leaden brick, more like it wasn't even there. I still couldn't feel my heart. It was almost like all my internal organs had been sucked out. On the plus side, no tears or blushing. Long may it last.

I put my foot down to the shirt that Alice was still trying to wheedle me into wearing, instead pulling out a t-shirt I had ordered from my favorite web comic. Yes, I am a huge nerd who reads web comics. Back off. It was a cute shirt though, with a cartoon librarian on it and the words "She Blinded Me with Library Science" in block lettering splashed across the front. I laughed every time I put it on. I pulled my hair into a high pony tail and let her put make-up on me, just so I wouldn't have to listen to her whine anymore.

We made it to the bowling alley with five minutes to spare, amazingly enough. I spotted Rosalie's red BMW on the far side of the parking lot, next to a shiny silver Volvo. I smiled over at Alice and Jasper. "Ready to meet my friends?" I asked.

"Do you really have to ask?" Alice laughed back, jumping out of my car and bounding through the front doors. Jasper and I followed at a more leisurely pace. Before we walked in he stopped me and reached out for my hand. He squeezed it gently and stooped a little, looking straight into my eyes.

"You sure you're ok, doll? It seems like you've had quite the day," he asked carefully. "You don't have to tell me anything," he added quickly. "But if you need to escape, you just let me know. I got the getaway car stashed out back." He winked at me and smiled.

I threw my arms around him and hugged him tightly. Calm washed through me as I held on, and whispered, "Thank you," in his ear. Someone cleared their throat.

I let go of Jasper and turned toward the door, where a very irritated Edward Cullen stood staring at Jasper and I.

"Are you guys coming in or what? You still need to get shoes and balls, and we've been waiting at our lanes for a while now."

Maybe my Stay the Hell Away from Edward Cullen plan wouldn't be so hard to implement. I breezed past him and into the bowling alley, where I was immediately hit with the odor of cigarettes, beer, and feet. It was strangely comforting. I smiled to myself as I paid for my shoes. Alice probably hadn't been bowling since she was a little girl, this was not her scene.

I looked out on the floor, searching the lanes for Emmett's familiarly imposing figure. Sure enough, there he was, standing right next to an also familiar shock of copper hair. Edward had made his way back over to the group and was frowning over at Jasper and I, seemingly oblivious to Alice, who was trying to talk to him. I noticed that Alice had already claimed her territory; she had her arm wrapped around Rosalie's slender waist, and when she realized that Edward wasn't exactly in the mood to talk, she gave up and devoted all her attention to Rose. Between the two of them, they knew everything about me. Scary thought.

I noticed Jasper was watching them too, so I nodded toward them with a small smile on my face. "You better watch out, Jas, I've been keeping them apart for a reason. There's no telling how much damage Rosalie Hale and Alice Brandon will do when their powers combine."

He laughed as we meandered over to where my friends stood. Edward and Emmett were off to one side, talking quietly. Emmett was speaking urgently, Edward just shaking his head in response. I cleared my throat after about thirty seconds.

"Um, Emmett, Edward, Rose, this is Jasper Whitlock. He's Alice's fiancé. You've all met Alice already," I grinned at her as she skipped over to me and gave me another hug.

"You guys are so damn slow! I thought I was going to force you in here using my superior physical prowess," she said, flexing her arms at me. During our exchange Edward's frown had remained, but the irritation had faded again. He had settled on puzzled, and hopeful. I locked eyes with him for a moment, and got a little lost in the green. As I stared, a slow smile spread over his face.

"Hi, Bella," he said quietly. "How are you?"

With four words and a smile, Edward Cullen managed to replace every organ that Jake had sucked out this afternoon. My stomach was fluttering, my heart was pounding. I could feel my ears and cheeks begin to burn. Also, if I'm being completely honest, I got a little tingly, you know, _down there._ I couldn't help it, hearing his voice just reminded me of how he sounded when he growled. _Dear Lord, do not think about the growl. You'll never make it through the night._

"I'm alright," I answered, just as quietly. The easy conversation we had at dinner on Tuesday seemed miles away. Everything was awkward. Charged. Was that normal? I hadn't been single in nearly four years. Not that Edward knew I was single. Shit, I hadn't said anything to Rose.

"Rosalie," I said, reluctantly tearing my gaze from Edward, "I ripped off the Band-Aid. It was easier than I thought it would be."

She gasped, then grabbed my arm and towed me over to the bar, Alice following closely behind us.

I gave her the cliff notes, and she reacted exactly as Alice had. Shocked that Jake was cheating on me, but proud of my response to the situation on the whole. Like Alice, she was smiling at the end of the story.

"Good for you Bella. Way to stand up for yourself!" she congratulated me. "I'm buying the first pitchers, and you get to pick. We ordered the pizza when we got here, so it should be ready any minute now."

I picked out a cream ale, for Alice's sake. In yet another contradiction, Rose didn't go in for Cosmos and martinis. She hated girly drinks, with the exception of margaritas, and I'm pretty sure the only reason she liked them was the tequila. She had introduced me to the wonderful world of Seattle microbrews, and I had turned into a bit of a beer snob. Recently, we had begun working our way through the darker brews, and I found myself really enjoying the brown ales. I wouldn't put Alice through that though, she could barely handle Miller Lite.

We made our way back to the guys, two pitchers of beer and pizzas in tow. Emmett fell to his knees in front of Rose, who was holding a pitcher of beer in each hand.

"Nectar of the gods," he moaned. "Rosie, you've never looked more beautiful." She laughed and set the beer down before kissing his cheek and giving him a playful swat to the back of his head.

"You only love me for my superior taste in beer, is that it?" she joked.

"Don't be silly," he said seriously. "The fact that you're totally gorgeous and like getting dirty under the hood of your car doesn't hurt either."

"OK, Bella, it's official," Alice announced, cutting off Emmett and Rosalie's banter. "I approve of your friends. You may continue to spend time with them."

Edward looked amused again. Apparently he was temporarily suspending his brooding. "Was there any danger of you _not_ approving?" he asked.

"Well, I couldn't be sure what kind of people we were dealing with," Alice teased. "I mean, bowling? Who in their right mind would give Bella Swan a bowling ball? I was tempted to call the hospital before we left just to give them a heads up."

Edward's eyes sparkled as he grinned at me, temporarily stunning me with the force of his smile. Good thing we weren't near a window. Imagine the carnage. "Are you deadly with a bowling ball, Bella?" he asked me, cocking one perfect eyebrow at me. _Do not look at his eyebrows._

"In a manner of speaking," I mumbled. Everyone was howling with laughter now… everyone except Edward, who was still looking at me curiously. I sighed. When it became obvious that no one was going to rescue me from having to explain this, I gave up. He probably already thought I was ridiculous. Hell, I thought _he_ was pretty ridiculous. I had never met a more viable candidate for mood stabilizers.

"I'm kind of terminally clumsy," I explained. "I spent most of my childhood in and out of the E.R. for stupid accidents. I've broken six bones and had three concussions, not to mention the numerous sprains, strains, and contusions. I was on a first name basis with most of the hospital staff in Forks, where I went to high school. Needless to say, giving me a bowling ball probably isn't the smartest idea."

He smirked at me now. If anything, the smirk was sexier than the grin. "Well we wouldn't want you to get hurt, now would we?" he asked, eyes boring into mine. His eyes looked different now, almost backlit, like there were tiny fires burning there. "Maybe you should stick to scoring the game," he suggested. Was he flirting with me? I couldn't tell. On the one hand, he had this super intense look on his face, like he was memorizing every detail of my face. On the other hand, he seemed serious about me not bowling. Like maybe my disaster prone self would interfere with his fun.

Rosalie broke through my thoughts by shoving a glass of beer into my hand. "Come on, Bella, live a little. We'll all watch our toes and if things get really bad we'll put you on the bumper lane." She looked at me knowingly, cocking her head toward Edward as if to say _I told you so._ I flicked her off, as if to say_ Fuck off._ I'm subtle that way.

Halfway through the game, Emmett, Alice and I had given up trying to actually knock any pins down. We were all terrible, and so we had come up with another method of scoring: style points. Alice turned a neat pirouette before throwing her glittery gold ball down our lane. At least, she tried to throw it down our lane: it landed in Edward, Rosalie, and Jasper's lane. Impressively enough, she knocked down eight pins.

"That counts! That totally counts!" she yelled, bouncing up and down. It was Jasper's turn, and he grinned back at Edward, who was currently taking score. "I think I should get points for that one too," he said, shooting Edward an angelic face and batting his eyelashes in a way so reminiscent of Alice it was unreal.

"No way! You don't get to benefit from her terrible aim, that's patently unfair," Edward argued. Jasper and Alice fit seamlessly into the group, and it seemed like Edward had always been there. I was a little sad when I remembered that Alice and Jasper were flying home on Sunday, but I shook it off. If everything went according to plan, they'd be back for good in a few months. Not to mention they would be around for Christmas. I found myself wondering if I could convince Alice to make an extended stay for the holidays.

"OK, Hells Bells, you're up," Alice called, breaking me out of my reverie. I stood up and grabbed the first ball I saw. I hadn't bothered picking one out myself, preferring to just use whatever was handy. I settled down in front of our lane on my butt, my legs spread out in front of me. I pushed the ball down the lane using my hands, trying to get it to roll straight. It crept halfway to the pins before tipping into the gutter; that was practically success. Alice cheered appreciatively.

"Shouldn't you at least _try_ to stay on your feet, Bella?" Emmett laughed, pulling me up. "I mean, I guess this way you don't have to go through the trouble of falling…"

I punched him in the arm and he pretended to flinch. "You're lucky I like you, Em, or I'd hit you harder," I threatened.

"Careful, Emmett, I'd hate to see her angry," Edward laughed as he took his turn. In direct contrast to me, Edward was graceful. There was no other word for it. He took several long strides before flinging his arm forward, releasing the ball, one foot hooked slightly behind the other, throwing arm curved perfectly in the air as he watched his ball's progress.

I was almost embarrassed to be seen with him, the differences between us were so great. I was awkward, clumsy, and plain. He was smooth, graceful, and gorgeous. He noticed me staring and laughed. "What?" he asked, ruffling his fingers through his hair. He did that a lot. It seemed like a nervous habit, except there was absolutely no reason for him to be nervous.

"Just watching you bowl. You're very good," I said. I flinched immediately. If Edward was Captain Fantastic, I was Captain Obvious. What a lame thing to say. I was grateful, not for the first time this evening, that he didn't know I was single yet. Maybe he would ignore my awkward attempts at flirting.

"I could teach you if you want," he offered, his eyes doing that intense, smoldering trick from earlier. I cleared my throat nervously.

"No that's ok, I wouldn't want to hurt you," I joked, turning pink at the thought of Edward's arms around me, guiding my hand, correcting my posture. _Focus, Bella. Do not think about his hands._

I quickly threw my ball down the lane, surprising everyone by actually hitting three pins.

By the time we had bowled several games, it was 8:30.

"OK, guys, I hate to break up the party, but I have to get home. I've got some quizzes to write before fourth hour tomorrow," I said reluctantly.

Edward nodded, saying that he had to get some sleep before his first 48 hour shift started tomorrow. I immediately felt stupid again. I was griping about the work I had, and he was gearing up to work for two days straight.

We left the bowling alley, Alice hugging everyone goodbye before making Rosalie promise to come out with us tomorrow night. Jasper was exchanging phone numbers with Emmett, and Edward was staring at me with another weird look on his face. I was about to slide into my car when I felt his hand on my shoulder.

"Would you mind, I mean, maybe I could get your number? I don't know many people who aren't med students or family, it would be nice to hang out sometime. You know, like friends do?" he asked, mussing his hair again. He gave me a tiny, crooked smile.

A jolt ran through me as he asked for my number, but his clarification, _like friends_, killed that feeling quickly. I gave him a tight smile and grabbed his phone from his hand, programming my number in quickly.

"There you go," I said cheerfully. "See you later."

Alice and Jasper piled into my car and we pulled out of the lot. As we drove away, I let out a deep sigh.

"How are you feeling, babe?" Alice asked, leaning forward between Jasper and I.

"Good," I said automatically. I thought about it for a second and was surprised to find that it was truth. I thought back over my day, which seemed endlessly long. So much had happened, none of it expected. When I remembered the buoyant feeling I had gotten when I left Jake's, and the burning way Edward's eyes probed my own, I couldn't help but smile. "Really good."

**Author's Note: There you go, some fluff to wash down your angst with! I really enjoyed writing this chapter, it was fun to be goofy for a little while. What do you guys think? What's Edward's problem? How do you think I'm doing with the characters? I'd love to hear your take on it, I can only stare at my own stuff for so long!**


	7. Chapter 7

When we got back, I pounded out my quizzes for tomorrow while Alice and Jasper watched a movie in my living room. I wandered out at one point to find them wrapped around each other, totally engrossed in _Gone with the Wind_. I owned a lot of old movies, and often preferred them to the newer releases.

There was something so wonderful about old Hollywood. In college I had taken a film history course and fallen in love. Forget that the studios completely owned the actors, that there was drug abuse and closet homosexuality and all sorts of unhealthy repressive shit going on behind closed doors. Forget the black lists and the Red Scare. Movies captured on cellulose were beautiful.

I went to bed not long after 11:00, expecting to toss and turn for most of the night. Instead, I slept like a baby. When I woke up a few minutes before my alarm I was sprawled over the entire bed, arms and legs akimbo, wrapped in my comforter with all my pillows surrounding me. I sighed with happiness. No apish boyfriend stealing all my covers and taking up room. I could get used to this.

I floated through my day. The empty feeling had returned, but it wasn't unpleasant. After the turmoil of the last week, the emptiness was welcome. During my prep periods I pondered what seemed like an impossible situation. Jacob and his father Billy had been coming over for Christmas for the last three years. Jacob's sisters never came home for the holidays, so it was just the two of them. My dad and Billy had been friends since before I was born. The Blacks were practically family. I couldn't ask my dad to uninvite them, but I couldn't sit there and act normal either.

I asked Rosalie about her plans for the holidays. Emmett had invited her to spend Christmas day with his family, and she was incredibly nervous. I laughed, remembering her unnecessary panic over meeting Edward.

"If they have any sense, they will see just how much Emmett loves you and will accept you as a Cullen family fixture on the spot," I declared, squeezing her hand and smiling at her.

At the word _love_ Rosalie turned pink. Interesting, she never blushed. I narrowed my eyes at her.

"Rosalie Lillian Hale have you been holding out on me? Why the blush? Did something happen?"

"Um… Emmett said he loves me for the first time last night after we got back to my place," she said softly. Watching her, I was reminded of Alice's face the night she told me Jasper had proposed. She was glowing. "We talked for a while, and I said it back. I know it's only been a few months, but I've never felt this way about anyone before, Bella. He makes me so unbelievably happy!"

I tried to smile. I really did. The empty space in my chest throbbed slightly, though, and I think the pain filtered through to my face. Rose's glow dimmed slightly and she looked at me apologetically.

"I'm sorry, babe, I didn't mean to rub your face in it," she said immediately. "I shouldn't have said anything, not with all you have going on…" she trailed off, still looking kind of stricken. She was probably waiting for me to burst into tears. Despite the ache in my chest and the complete lack of internal organs, I didn't feel the familiar burn of tears. Maybe my tear ducts disappeared with my stomach and heart.

"No, no, of course you should say something!" I protested. "It's just weird, that's all. Last week I was thinking that this would be the Christmas that Jake, you know… and now we're not even together anymore." I was quiet for a second.

"It's just really weird."

"Yeah, I can see how it would be," Rose said gently. She hugged me, and it was nice. She didn't normally do the touchy-feely thing, so it wasn't like an Alice or Jasper hug. But it was nice. I could feel the reassurance and love she put into it.

"You're a good melon, Miss Hale," I said, pulling back and grinning at her. She cracked up at the reference to _When Harry Met Sally._ We both loved the little old couples who were dispersed through the movie.

"At that moment I knew," she quoted back at me. "I knew the way you know about a good melon." Her eyes got all soft and misty again. She looked right at me and I knew she was talking about Emmett. I didn't know how or when, but I had a feeling that Rosalie Hale would be Rosalie Cullen someday. It was written on her face.

"Geez, Rose, you're going to give me a cavity," I shoved her lightly and left the teacher's lounge to teach my last classes of the day. After school I shooed away a few drama girls who were unsuccessfully trying to get me to tell them what the spring play would be. I tried to be mysterious about it, saying they would find out with the rest of the school after Christmas break. Truthfully, I hadn't decided yet, which left me in a bit of a bind. I would really have to hustle unless I wanted to commit to doing something old enough to be in the public domain.

When I got home, Alice attacked me.

"I was so bored!" she pouted. "Why you have to have a normal job where you're actually forced to have a _schedule_ and a _desk_ is beyond me. You're lucky I brought my sketchbook with me. My office is wherever I happen to be." She winked at me and gestured to my sofa, where, sure enough, sketches and designs littered the cushions.

I sighed. "You didn't get chalk or charcoal on my sofa did you? That stuff's a bitch to get out."

"Of course not! I'm a professional," she said. She started gathering up her drawings and arranging in them in neat piles on my kitchen table. Suddenly I remembered that I was going to ask her to stay through Christmas.

"Alice?" I started, hesitating. This was an incredibly selfish thing to ask. On the other hand, she just announced she didn't really need to be anywhere to get her job done, and I was sure she had more than enough clothing to make it through the holiday.

She set down one last stack of paper and turned to me curiously. "What? Spit it out, Bella," she laughed.

"I was wondering if you would want to stick around for the next week... I know Jasper has to go back to New York for his job but since you're just going to turn around and fly straight back, and you brought your work with you…" I trailed off uncertainly.

Any doubt I had was erased when Alice gave me a big smile and bounced on the balls of her feet.

"I'm so glad you finally said something! I was going to have it suggest it myself pretty soon. I packed hoping for an extended invitation, changing time zones unnecessarily is a total downer, and I haven't spent real time with you in such a long time," she said. She was fast talking now, but at least she wasn't excited enough that her words were blurred together. Yet.

"Do you want to come to my house for Christmas? My parents would be so happy to see you, and Cynthia loves you so much! You know she started at the University of Wisconsin-Madison this year? I haven't seen her since her graduation. Jasper's coming for Christmas this year too, it'll be like old times, please?" It was a wonder she wasn't gasping for breath at the end of that diatribe.

I laughed happily, relieved. "Thank you, Alice. I would love to visit your family for Christmas. I was a little worried about going home to Charlie and the Blacks. This is a wonderful excuse, I can still stay with Charlie and see him, but I can get out of the house when _they_ visit. Now I just have to call Charlie."

Jasper wandered out of my office, which was currently doubling as his and Alice's bedroom. He looked kind of sleepy.

"Hey, Jas, taking a nap? Must be nice!" I joked, smiling over at him. He scratched his head, tangling his fingers in his mop-like blonde curls and yawning.

"My ears were burning… I heard my name and decided to come out and see what you two ladies were planning," he said, smiling back at me.

"That reminds me," Alice said, looking back to me. "We're going out tonight. I've been texting with Rosalie all day and she had some really great suggestions. We're meeting at the Wild Onion for bar food and drinks around 8:00, and then we'll let the night take us where it will! No boys allowed, and you have to let me pick out your outfit," she finished with a flourish. She looked very proud of herself. I had to admit, it was clever to make all the plans before I had a chance to veto anything. How well she knew me.

"Well at least you gave me some time to relax," I said gratefully, checking my watch. It was only 4:00, and she wouldn't need four hours to get me ready. Glancing quickly back to her face, I sighed in dread. It seemed she would.

"How much do you looooove me, Bella?" she said angelically. "Enough to let me pamper you completely and totally and not complain about it?" She batted her eyelashes for good measure.

"Can I at least take a bath first?" I asked, sighing.

"Only if you let me give you a face mask first," she sang back at me.

"How about, you put on the face mask, and I get to sit with it on in the tub?" I counter-offered.

"Deal," she said firmly.

Ten minutes later I was steeping in steaming hot water with green goop smeared generously over all over my face. Honestly, it's not like I needed it, but whatever kept Alice happy.

By 7:00, I had my toes and fingernails painted, my skin treated with a sugar rub and lotion, my hair curled and styled, my make-up done, my eyebrows plucked, and all manner of other completely unnecessary beauty treatments. I stood in front of my mirror and shook my head in disbelief. My legs looked impossibly long in the dress that Alice had given me, and my feet looked dainty and elegant in a pair of low kitten heels. I was almost convinced that I wouldn't break an ankle tonight. Key word: _almost_.

"Seriously, Alice, what did you do to me? I don't even _look_ like Bella Swan anymore," I said.

"You look like a new and improved Bella," she corrected me. "A Bella who knows what she wants and doesn't mind taking it! A Bella who will not be pushed around! A Bella who will get drunk with her girlfriends and take a cab home because she feels like it!"

I laughed with her as she did her make-up and touched up her hair. For some reason, she insisted on spending hours working on me but was able to handle her own "treatments" in 20 minutes. It never ceased to baffle me.

When we got to the Wild Onion, Rosalie was standing at the crowded bar surrounded by men. She was clearly in her element, giggling and tossing her hair and fluttering her long eyelashes in a way that looked completely natural. Whenever I tried doing that it looked like I had something in my eye. She noticed us standing there and smiled, waving us over.

The men she was standing with moved out of our way and looked us over. It had been a long time since a man had conspicuously checked me out, and I wasn't used to it. I hardly ever went out without Jake anymore, and my single days were never what one would describe as adventurous. It was kind of awkward, and I was painfully aware of the way their eyes lingered on my breasts and my butt. I tugged at my dress, trying to cover up my cleavage. Alice shot me a glare and grabbed my hand before I could mess any more with what she had affectionately dubbed her "masterpiece."

"Hello, ladies," a dark haired man greeted us from Rosalie's left. "We were just chatting with your friend here. Gwen didn't tell us she had such beautiful friends." He was clearly drunk. Gwen? Who the hell was that? Then I saw the look on Rosalie's face and it dawned on me. We were using bar names tonight. Excellent. I hadn't been Camilla in a while. Before Alice could ruin it, I replied as smoothly as possible.

"It's nice to meet you. I'm Camilla, and this is my friend Annabelle," I said, squeezing Alice's hand slightly as I introduced her. She caught on quickly and we flirted our way into a round of drinks. After we said goodbye, we wandered away to a free booth and collapsed in giggles.

"Seriously, Bella? Annabelle? That's the best you could come up with?" Alice snorted into her cranberry vodka. "And you _so_ do not look like a Camilla. Oooooh you should be Nora next time! Nora is a good name!" Thus decided, she took another big swallow of her drink.

"Bella is always Camilla, don't even bother trying to get her to change it," Rosalie rolled her eyes. "She thinks it's funny."

"It _is_ funny! Come on, who in their right mind would actually name a child Camilla? That's like introducing myself as Ernestine. And they always buy it!" I giggled even more. The dark haired man had bought me two Guinness's and I was getting pretty drunk. What can I say? I'm a cheap date.

"What do you want them to do, Bella, tell you your name is ridiculous?" Rosalie laughed. "There's no way in hell they'd have a shot with you after something like that."

"I seriously doubt any of those guys wants a _shot with me_," I said, shaking my head skeptically. "Even if they think I'm attractive enough right now, they wouldn't stick around after they saw me on a normal day. Or on a bad day when I have snot leaking out of my nose and puffy, red eyes." I grinned at Alice. "Only my friends think _that's_ ok. Maybe I should bat for the other team. Women are much more sympathetic about stuff like that."

Alice exhaled through her teeth, making a hissing sound. "Bella, please don't make me say this more than once. I will vehemently deny ever admitting this if either of you bring it up again, and I am only admitting it now due to recent circumstances."

"You are absolutely stunning in a t-shirt and jeans. There." My jaw dropped a little as what she said registered.

"If you really think that, why are you constantly forcing crazy clothes and beauty regimens on me?" I stuttered.

"The only reason I like dressing you up is because it's a huge confidence booster," she explained. "It pulls you out of yourself a little. You should see the looks you get sometimes. Obviously you don't notice, but you would be shocked if you paid a little more attention. I thought Edward was going to throw you over his shoulder and take you home yesterday, and what were you wearing? That stupid cartoon t-shirt and a pair of jeans."

My jaw dropped a little lower when she mentioned Edward, probable sex god, actually being physically attracted to me. I closed my mouth before I looked any more like a dying fish and processed her assessment.

"Besides," she added with a lopsided smile. "I love shopping, and torturing you gives me an excuse."

With that, she downed the rest of her drink and grabbed my hand in one of hers and gestured to Rosalie to follow. She pulled me toward the dance floor and starting twirling me around.

As we danced and laughed through the rest of the evening, I thought about what Alice had said, not just tonight but also that night at the coffee shop. She thought I was beautiful and capable. But she also thought I was too wrapped up in the comfort of my life to step outside the bubble and go for what I really wanted. I never thought I was giving anything up, but what if she was right? This thing with Jacob, no matter what the circumstances surrounding his involvement with Tanya were, made me reevaluate the choices I had made and the reasons I had made them. After all, as my mother always said right before she did something particularly crazy or adventurous, life is a sum of all your choices. My mother was a doer. My friends were doers. I wanted to be one too.

When we arrived back at my apartment around 2:00 a.m., I checked my cell phone and saw I had two missed calls and two voicemails. I typed in my password and waited.

"Bella, don't delete this." Jacob's voice greeted me first. He sounded exhausted. I seriously considered it for a second, then sighed and listened to the rest of the message. Cheating bastard or not, he was my oldest friend, and I could handle listening to one message. I didn't have to call him back.

"Things happened yesterday that I never intended. It was all so fast, and I swear I wasn't planning it, and I know you probably hate me and you have every right to. But God, Bells, I love you." His voice cracked, it was obvious he was crying. I felt a little guilty. Not guilty enough to call him back, but guilty enough that I regretted spitting in his face. A little.

"Please say you'll get together with me this weekend, just to talk. I need you. I don't work without you. We can work this out. I love you." He was whispering now, he sounded desperate. With one more hushed _I love you, please call me_ the message ended. I thought for a second, biting my lip in indecision. I decided to save the message. Alice could spot bullshit a mile away. She should hear this.

The next voice I heard was velvety and smooth, although a hint of the exhaustion I had heard in Jacob's message also leaked through here. "Bella? I hope this is really your number otherwise I'm leaving a message on some complete stranger's voicemail. Not that that's awkward or anything, I mean what kind of complete stranger would call me back? Oh, God, if you aren't Bella please don't call me back. Just… delete this." He rambled for a minute, talking too fast. I giggled. Edward was either a nervous talker or really terrible at leaving messages. Either option was entertaining.

"Anyway, right, the reason I'm calling. Uh, I know you like coffee, and I was wondering, you know, if maybe… after my shift ends and I get some actual sleep. I guess, I'm trying to ask if you wanted to grab a bite to eat on Sunday morning? You know, breakfast. They serve coffee with breakfast," he stopped and took a deep breath. I could hear the whooshing sound his breath made as he exhaled it quickly. "So…call me sometime. Leave a message. Yeah. OK. Bye. Oh yeah, um this is Edward." He hung up, muttering something under his breath. I saved it and collapsed on my bed, torn between giggling some more and jumping up and down clapping. Before I could give either option serious consideration, I noticed how incredibly soft my pillows were. Without any meditation practices or breathing exercises, I just drifted away into a peaceful sleep. My last thought before I fell asleep was a happy one.

_I could get used to this._


	8. Chapter 8

Unfortunately, my peaceful sleep was short lived. I woke up with a bad taste in my mouth and a headache. I squinted out my door into my living room. All the lights were out.

I staggered out of bed and poured myself a glass of water. My microwave clock informed me it was 4:06 a.m. Sighing, I grabbed my laptop off the coffee table and sat down on my sofa. The door to my office was closed, and I knew Alice and Jasper were out cold by now. I had only slept a couple of hours, but I was wide awake. I groaned as I waited for my laptop to boot up. I couldn't tell if my early wakeup was my usual insomnia kicking in or a product of the beer I drank last night. Whatever the reason, now that I was up I couldn't stop my brain from churning.

I opened up Edward's story, as I was beginning to refer to it in my head, and fleshed out his character a little more. He was easily annoyed, but sweet and unsure. As a super hero, he exuded confidence and strength, but his alter ego was a bit bumblier. My heroine was familiar with his alter ego, but I still couldn't come up with a good way to reveal his super powers to her. Giving up on that plot line for the moment, I worked on my villain. Gotta have a villain, right?

I cast around my head, looking for likely candidates. I paused at Jacob, but that seemed a little too obvious. Aha! Tanya. Perfect. Beautiful but deadly. Able to destroy whole buildings with a toss of her hair. You know, like _homes._ Rationally, I knew that I was being unfair: that cheating was a symptom of a bigger problem, and that I had been at Jake's apartment that day to dump him anyway. But irrationally, Bitch stole my man! The least I can do is vilify her in a short work of fiction.

The history between my hero and his nemesis grew quickly. They had been friends once, super buddies. He felt like she understood him because they were the same. They were always together. One day, Little Miss Strawberry Blonde confessed her love to him, and they shared a night of passion. In the morning, he realized that despite their similarities, they could never complete each other. He tried to let her down gently. A bitch was born. One with super powers. Jilted ex-lover's make great enemies.

The words just seemed to circle my head and bleed out of my fingertips. I chuckled softly to myself as I thought of the conversation I had with Alice about this earlier. It turns out I didn't need a place to inspire me. The words were there. I just needed to translate them.

Before I knew it, the timer on my coffee pot went off and I smelled the dark roast brewing. I sighed and stretched, shutting my laptop down and puttering back over to the kitchen. I decided to make breakfast for Alice and Jasper. I pulled out the ingredients for a breakfast casserole. Ham, bacon, eggs, cheddar, milk, butter. I hummed as I worked, and thought about everything I wanted to get done today.

Suddenly, I remembered that I hadn't told my dad about the change in plans for Christmas. I checked the clock. It wasn't 6:00 a.m. yet, but he got up even more obscenely early than Alice. He would be packing his fishing tackle for his usual Saturday morning trip to the coast. I picked up my cell phone and dialed home.

The phone rang twice before my father's familiar voice greeted me. He sounded wide awake. Maybe he was the source of my complete inability to sleep in.

"Hello?"

"Hey, Dad!"

"Bella? Is that you, kiddo?" He sounded surprised, but honestly, who else would call him dad?

"You got any other kids I should know about, Dad?" I joked. "I always wanted a little brother."

"Hey, sweetheart! No, sorry, you're still an only child. It's just kinda early for a phone call, Bells. Shouldn't you be enjoying a weekend lie-in?" I snorted.

"I wish, but I seem to have inherited your early morning wake-up gene. Do you have a second? I wanted to talk to you about Christmas." I was nervous, there was no telling what he had already heard. Billy was his best friend, but Jake rarely called home anymore. I had about a fifty-fifty shot that he would know about the break-up, though I was certain he wouldn't know the reason behind it. My dad loved Jacob, and he was always asking when we were going to get married and make him a grandfather.

"Sure, I got a second. The cruiser's already packed, I'm just throwing some sandwiches together for the day. What's on your mind? You still coming home on Christmas Eve?"

"I was planning on it, yeah, but … Dad I'm spending Christmas with Alice's family this year. Jacob and I broke up and…" that was as far as I got.

"What? You broke up? Why? What happened? Whatever happened, I'm sure you guys can make it work!" OK, that answers that question. Obviously, Jacob had not spread the news far and wide. Of course Dad assumed the problem was fixable. He saw Jake as Perfect Boyfriend 2.0. In high school, he was constantly dropping hints about how good the two of us would be together. When Tyler, my boyfriend senior year, and Jacob got into a fight over who I spent my time with, he unabashedly supported Jake. Of course, he never bothered to ask _me_ who I wanted to spend time with.

"Dad, it's not something we can make work. He cheated on me," I said quietly. I felt a tinge of guilt when I informed my dad, who was practically Jake's second father, about his scumbag ways. I shook it off as I waited for a response.

"Are you… are you sure?" he asked. He sounded confused.

"Yep. I… uh… saw them _in flagrante_," I said. "Pretty hard to misinterpret. But its ok, Dad, really. I've been unhappy for a while. This whole thing just made everything clear." I heard my dad start to sputter. Oh, crap, here it comes.

"_He_ _cheated on you_? I don't understand. He was here last week asking me if he could _marry_ you," he yelled. My heart stuttered as I realized that my Christmas morning scene was pretty close to the truth. "Son of a… Bella I will come to Seattle and kick the kid's ass. I'll bring my gun. I don't care if he's practically my son."

"Dad calm down," I was worried now. Maybe this wasn't the best way to tell him. Then again, I was glad we didn't have to have this conversation in person. That would be awkward. "Drop the shot gun. Sit down and take some deep breaths. It's ok, I'm a big girl. I handled it."

"Did you at least get a good right hook in?" he asked, clearly still fuming.

"No, but I spit in his face. Does that count?"

He laughed at that, so I figured I was in the clear for a little while.

"Anyway," I continued, "I don't want you to have to uninvite Billy and Jacob for Christmas. They come every year, and they don't have anywhere else to go. You and I can do Christmas when I get home on the 24th, and I'll make myself scarce at the Brandon's on Christmas day. I haven't seen them in a long time, it'll be just fine."

"If that's what you want, Bella. I wouldn't have any problem telling that little creep to stay the hell away, though," he replied.

"Nope, you play nice. Don't go yelling at Billy either. Honestly, if he hasn't told you yet, he might not know. Just let Jacob do this in his own time. We're adults, and this is between him and me." Billy was my dad's normal fishing partner. I didn't want him to get the brunt of my dad's anger; it wasn't _his_ fault his son was a man whore.

My dad was still grumbling under his breath, and I decided it was time to whip out the big guns.

"Charlie Swan, you behave yourself! I'm making breakfast and it's almost done, so I'm going to have to let you go. Don't do anything stupid," I said in my sternest voice. He let out a big sigh.

"I'm sorry, Bells," he said softly.

"I know," I replied. "I'll talk to you soon. Bye."

I flipped my phone shut and turned to see Alice standing in the kitchen doorway looking concerned.

"How did that go?" she asked, nodding her head at the hand that still held my phone.

"Well, apparently Jake was there last week asking Charlie for my hand," I said, still unable to believe that little tidbit. "What kind of an asshole asks his girlfriend's father for permission to marry her one week and sleeps with someone else the next?"

"A douche bag who wants a shotgun up his ass?" Alice guessed, shaking her head in disbelief. As she spoke, Jasper stumbled into the kitchen, and looked at her in confusion.

"Who wants a shotgun up his ass?" he asked.

"Jacob. What's for breakfast, Bells?" Alice asked.

"Breakfast casserole. Should be done baking in about 5 minutes. Can you pull it out when the timer goes off? I want to take a shower."

She looked at me skeptically. Alice is extremely challenged when it comes to cooking. I swear she can't heat up a can of soup without something going wrong. I sighed and looked at Jasper.

"I gotcha covered babe," he grinned at me.

After breakfast I took a nap and lounged around for a while. By 1:00, I felt completely refreshed and not a bit hung over. I took the opportunity to play Alice and Jasper my messages from the night before. I didn't really know what to do about either one of them. Jacob sounded miserable and Edward pretty much asked me out on a date. I was not equipped to deal.

"Of course now that he royally fucked up he wants to _talk_," Alice said scathingly. "Screw him. Go out with Edward. Although, you should probably tell him about the whole Jacob thing."

Jasper nodded in agreement. "Let Jake cool off," he suggested. "You shouldn't be talking to him while you're both still so worked up about things. Maybe once some time has passed and you're both in an emotional position to deal with this, _then _you call him back."

"Do you guys really think I should be going out with Edward though? I mean, I'm not really into the rebound thing," I said nervously. Alice laughed.

"How the hell do you know? You've been dating Jacob since you were practically a fetus! How many boyfriends did you have before him? Two? Counting Mike Newton, which is generous," she winked at me. I was never going to live Mike Newton down.

"Besides, you can tell Edward you just want to be friends. If he really likes you, he'll stick around," Jasper put in.

"You're going. I've already dialed his number. Catch!" Alice commanded, tossing my phone across the room at me. Predictably, I lunged for it and missed, flying ass over teakettle off the couch.

"Oof!" I landed on my side and scrambled for the phone, which was thankfully still ringing. Thank God I didn't have to start my message with an awkward explanation of my fall.

"Hello, you've reached Edward Cullen," his voicemail picked up. My heart started pounding. Crap! What was I supposed to say?

"I'm unable to answer my phone right now, please leave a message after the tone and I'll call you back when I'm available. Thank you." Beep.

Shit. Shit shit shit. I couldn't think of anything. _I don't know how to do this_.

I cleared my throat. It felt like I had been sitting there for hours. In reality it was probably only a couple of seconds.

"Edward?" My voice came out a little husky. I cleared my throat again. "Hi, it's Bella. Not a complete stranger." I grinned, remembering his rambling message. Somehow, thinking about it made me more confident. He was nervous too. "Anyway, I'd love to get together with you for breakfast, coffee, whatever. I'm free Sunday. Give me a call and we'll set something up. Talk to you soon, bye."

I hung up and collapsed back onto the couch, flinging one arm over my face and flushing bright pink.

Alice burst into a round of applause and Jasper laughed.

"Very casual," he said. "Very cool. I give it a seven out of ten."

"You are _totally _winning, Bella! His message was _maybe_ a five," Alice laughed.

I smiled at them. I was single, but that was better than the alternative. Edward Cullen had asked me out to breakfast, and I had a new outlook on life. Watch out world. Bella Swan has arrived.

**Author's Note: Ok, I know it's not a terribly exciting chapter, but it's a necessary transition. Plenty of goodies to come, I promise. Next up…breakfast with a superhero! **


	9. Chapter 9

I stood outside of a little diner not far from campus where Edward had asked me to meet him. I was actually quite familiar with this place. I used to think of it affectionately as _my_ diner. My creative haven: The Dairy Bar. It was my refuge back before all my creative juices were directed toward lesson plans and calendars and lists. Back when I wrote because it made me happy, not because I felt like I had to. Back before I felt like a failure.

I shook off the doom and gloom and took a deep, steadying breath. It struck me as faintly ironic that my newest brooding hero picked this place. Maybe it was fate? Reality meets fiction.

I had been standing outside the restaurant for about five minutes, steeling myself to go in. I was abruptly pulled out of my thoughts by a low chuckle.

Crap.

I turned slowly, blush painting my cheeks. There he was, standing there in a baggy pair of khakis and a University of Chicago sweatshirt, hands in his pockets. He was biting his lip and gazing at me with a half nervous, half amused look on his face. Once he had my attention he shot me a tiny crooked smile.

"Do you have a blind date? I can go in and tell you if he's a total troll," he whispered conspiratorially, breaking out into wide grin and laughing outright. I said a small prayer, right there. _Please let him use his powers only for good_.

"Hi, Edward," I said, returning his smile easily.

"Hey Bella," he said, still grinning. He brushed past me and opened the door to the diner, making an _after you_ gesture with his free hand. "I hope you don't mind eating here. I know it's kind of a dive but I found it right after I moved in and they have the best pancakes you've ever tasted."

We wove through the Sunday brunch crowd to a corner booth, sliding in as a waitress arrived and handed us menus. The turnover here was quick, and the wait staff didn't mess around.

"I've actually been here before, quite a bit," I said shyly. I was nervous again, God only knows why. I had seen Edward several times without making a total fool out of myself. I had even managed to stay upright on each occasion. _He _was the one who couldn't leave a simple phone message.

"Oh?" Edward looked… disappointed. "I was so sure this place was some well kept secret." He let out a sigh. _This man is adorable._ The thought popped into my mind before I could stop it. I shook my head to clear it, looking back down at my menu.

"I haven't been here recently, but I used to come here on weeknights to write," I explained. Deciding I was going to go with my usual apple pancakes, I set down the menu to find him staring at me. I smiled tentatively. "Don't worry, I think your secret's safe. Besides students and the occasional faculty member, I'm pretty sure Seattle is blissfully unaware of The Dairy Bar."

He gave out another deep sigh, this time exaggerating a pout, pulling his eyebrows together and sticking out his lower lip. "I suppose that's OK then."

"That's a good pout, Edward, but I have to tell you Alice could kick your ass six ways till Sunday," I informed him with a wink.

"Tell me about Alice," he said, giving me another tiny smile.

He looked honestly curious, so I told him everything. That led to Jasper, Rosalie, my job, his job, college, our childhoods. We talked for over an hour, long after our plates were clean. I forgot to be embarrassed; he was so easy to talk to. We kept getting refills on coffee, keeping the easy flow of conversation going. The awkwardness that had surfaced in our phone messages and at the bowling alley dissipated again.

We painstakingly avoided talking about Jake. I knew it was dishonest, but I was having fun. I didn't want to talk about something so senseless and painful right now. Finally, Edward looked up at the clock of the wall and blinked a couple of times, suddenly looking very tired.

I stopped in the middle of a story about falling from the tree in Charlie's front yard; I was trying to climb through my second story bedroom window, and it seemed like a good idea at the time.

"I'm so sorry! Here you worked for two days straight and I'm keeping you from sleep. Let's pay and you can go home and get some shut eye," I apologized quickly. He had dark bags under his eyes. He must have been struggling to stay awake the whole time.

"I'm sorry, I'm just so…" he tried to stifle the yawn but he couldn't quite. His face stretched as the yawn escaped, and his eyes crinkled up. I had flashes of what he would look like sleeping. Heavenly.

"It's ok, I had a really great time," I said before he could try to talk again. "It's really nice to meet a new friend, I was glad to get your invitation." I silently willed him to ask for another date. Not date. _Just friends_.

"I'm glad you called me back," he said softly, turning a little pink. "I can't believe that message I left you. After I hung up I was sure you would think I was crazy and run in the other direction, screaming as you went." He laughed under his breath. He pulled out his wallet and put down a $20 bill.

"I'm pretty tough. You forget: I used to live with Alice. I know from crazy." I laughed at him and pulled out my own wallet. He grabbed my hand before I could pull out any money.

"No, Bella, my treat. This was the best breakfast I've had in a long time. Don't worry about it," he said sternly.

"That's ridiculous! My breakfast cost seven dollars. You're not going to let me pay seven dollars?"

"Nope," he countered, smiling as widely as he could. _Woah_. I must have blacked out for a second, because the next thing I knew we were walking out of the restaurant. So much for only using his powers for good. He was insisting on walking me to my car. I was parked several blocks away from him, and I was arguing with him as we crossed the street.

We were halfway across when I heard the tires squeal. I turned and looked down the street and saw a van sliding towards the crosswalk on a patch of ice, tires locked. The last thing I registered was the look on Edward's face. Horror.

My body was flying sideways. Odd, the van had been coming at me head on. My head hit the pavement with a sickening crack, and I let out a groan. My arm was pinned underneath me at an odd angle, and something heavy was pushing down on top of me. Still, I was in a lot less pain than I expected after a horrific car accident. My ears were ringing, but the sound was fading slightly. I could hear voices now, loud and panicked.

One voice stood out. It was close to my ear, deep and velvety smooth. I couldn't make out the words yet, but just the tone was enough to soothe me. Like eating ice cream when you have a sore throat.

The words were clearer now. "Shit, shit! Bella? Bella, please open your eyes. Wake up, babe. Shit, shit."

I tried to open my eyes, but they didn't seem to be connected to my brain.

I could feel hands now at my wrist. _Someone's checking my pulse_. OK, so I'm not dead. Not even unconscious. Somewhere in between, perhaps? I tried to pay attention, to focus on opening my eyes. My eyelids fluttered a little before I was able to force them up. _Ow._ Bright light. Too bright. I shut my eyes again, but not before I caught a glimpse of green and copper.

The voice, _Edward's voice_, let out a sigh of relief. "Oh, thank God. Bella, the ambulance is on its way. As soon as I get you packed in I'll use your phone and call Jake and Alice. Don't worry, everyone will meet you at the hospital. You're going to be fine," he said quickly, softly. "You're going to be fine. Just fine," he was sighing now, stroking my hair and squeezing my hand.

I struggled to speak. "Don't…" I didn't want him to call Jake. Damn it, why hadn't I told him about Jake? I didn't want to see him, and I certainly didn't want him to see me like this. Edward let go of my hand immediately and stopped touching my hair. He must have taken my _don't_ as something else entirely.

"Alice… call… don't," I tried again.

His voice was in my ear then, close and reassuring. "I'm going to take care of you, Bella." None of the panic from earlier, not a trace of nervousness remained in his voice. "You're going to be just fine. You're safe."

Sirens sounded somewhere nearby, and I heard Edward let out another sigh. I was strapped into a stretcher with one of those horrible neck braces holding me steady and an air splint on my arm. The EMT's were talking to Edward, and I was still trying to tell him not to call Jake. I couldn't get the words to come out right. Had the crash scrambled my brain?

The E.R. was a whirl of doctors and people. For a Sunday afternoon, it seemed pretty crowded… but that was just my expert opinion. By the time we reached the hospital I had some control over my eyelids, although the light was still bright and harsh. My head was pounding and I felt sick to my stomach. This had all the hallmarks of a classic concussion. My doctor confirmed it.

Thankfully, my arm wasn't broken. I had twisted it pretty badly, but after an exam (Edward glaring at the poor intern who was examining me every time I indicated any kind of pain) I got some aspirin, an ace bandage, and an ice pack.

"Bells? Oh my God, Bella, are you ok?" Jacob's voice rang out through the E.R. as he followed a nurse through to my bed. In the chaos of the accident and the aftermath, I completely forgot that Edward had promised to call Jacob and Alice.

I looked up at Edward, panic welling up with my tears. I didn't want to talk to him. "Edward, Jacob and I broke up a couple days ago." I kept my voice down and spoke as quickly as I could.

"I don't know why I didn't tell you, except that we were having such a good time. I don't want to see him, not like this. Please," I pleaded with him, not really knowing what I thought he was going to do.

"Shhh, Bella it's ok. I'm so sorry," he murmured, squeezing my hand. "I told you, I'll take care of you."

Jacob pushed past Edward then, and pulled my hand from his.

"Bella, I got here as fast as I could. Is she ok?" He whipped around, focusing on Edward, who was standing stock still, jaw clenched slightly.

"I'm sorry you came all the way here, Jacob, but Bella doesn't want to see you. I wouldn't have called you if I had known," he said quietly, politely. Jake's eyes flashed and he glared at Edward for a second, then looked down at me, eyes wide and sad.

"Bella, can't we just forget about all that right now? I'm here, I love you," he leaned in and kissed my forehead. Before I could protest, he jerked backwards, letting go of my hand in surprise. Edward had his hands on both of Jacob's shoulders, his mouth set in a firm line. Despite the fact that Jake had a good three inches on him, Edward looked powerful and authoritative. Jacob cringed slightly.

"I believe I asked you to leave, Jacob," he said again.

"Who the hell are you to kick me out? Bella and I are getting married! I have a right to be here," he protested, straightening up and turning back to me with a desperate look in his eyes. At this, I started sputtering, so mad I lost my ability to speak for a minute. He was standing in my hospital room, not two days after I caught him with another woman, and he was telling Edward we were getting married?

"What are you smoking, Jake?" Alice's voice snapped me out of it. She stood, hands on her hips, eyebrows arched, at the foot of my bed. "Why don't you put your tail between your legs and go back to your whore. You aren't needed here. I've got this." She glared at him, daring him to protest. He looked from me to Alice, to Edward. In that moment I wasn't sure who was scarier: Edward or Alice. Edward had a murderous look on his face, and Alice's lips were curled in what can only be described as a snarl.

Jasper appeared then, and grabbed Jake's arm. "Come on, man," he said gently. "Don't make this harder than it has to be. Bella needs her rest." Jacob's eyes went strangely blank, and he nodded slowly. He followed Jasper slowly out of the room, casting one last reproachful glance back at me.

Once they were out of sight I exhaled. I hadn't even realized I'd been holding my breath. Alice rushed over to me, asking questions at full speed.

"What happened? Was there an accident? I heard car crash and I imagined so much worse. Edward, are you OK?"

Edward was in full doctor mode. He gave Alice a rundown of my condition, explained that I would have to remain awake for observation for a while. He was in his element. I wanted to compliment him on his bedside manner. Being a professional patient and all, I had seen a lot of doctors who had crap people skills. Edward was phenomenal. I thought it might be a weird thing to say though, so I kept my mouth shut. When Alice asked about the accident again, he hesitated.

"There was a van, it slid on some black ice," he said slowly. "It was headed straight for us, I did the only thing I could think of. I pushed Bella out of the way as hard as I could." He looked at me, pain flashing across his face. His next words came out in a rush.

"I hurt you, I'm so sorry. It's my fault you have a concussion and a sprained wrist. I should have been more careful with you. I should have…"

I interrupted him. "Are you for real? You're seriously _apologizing_ for saving my life?" I snorted. "That's the dumbest shit I've ever heard. Don't be sorry. I'm alive. You're alive. It's all good." I smiled at him, trying to get him to bust out a tiny, brain scrambling smile. The corners of his mouth lifted slightly, but it was halfhearted.

"I'm going to go see if we can spring you," Alice announced firmly. "I should be able to convince them you have someone to make sure you don't hurt your poor, little concussed head. Edward, stay with her. I'll be right back."

He made his way over to the chair beside my bed, sitting down and looking into the E.R. where Alice had vanished.

"You weren't kidding about her, huh?" he asked. His voice hinted at a smile now. Maybe he was coming back up from the angst. I wasn't ruling out mood stabilizers yet.

"She's a force of nature," I said simply. "You should go home, Edward. You look dead on your feet. Alice and Jasper can take care of me."

"I'm not tired anymore," he said. He looked at me, eyes burning, jaw clenched. He had that intense look again, the one that seemed to see right through me and into me at the same time. I have no idea how long we sat there, locked in our bizarre staring contest.

"OK, I've got them coming with your discharge papers," Alice said, reappearing. "Edward, go home. I'll take care of Bella for now, you get some sleep." He opened his mouth to protest, but she slapped a hand over his mouth. "No buts. I'll call you later. You have your marching orders. Go."

He sat there for another second then looked at me. I gave him a reassuring nod, and he squeezed my hand before standing up and walking toward the curtain that divided my bed from the rest of the E.R.

"Goodbye, Bella. I'll see you soon," he promised.

After he left, Alice and I sat for a second, looking at each other.

As the nurse came in with some final papers for me to sign, she let out a hysterical giggle. I watched, confused, as she dissolved into helpless laughter. Soon she was gasping for breath. She calmed down when Jasper re-entered the room, confirming my silent question about Jake with a nod. He was gone.

"Oh Bella," Alice sighed, finally in control of herself. "Only you could end up in the hospital after a first date."

"We're friends, Alice," I said forcefully, trying to convince her, Jasper, and the butterflies that awoke every time Edward gave me that intense stare. "Just friends."

She snorted. "Right…"


	10. Chapter 10

I insisted on going to work the next day, although I did let my principal, Mrs. Downy, know that I had been in an accident. She had sighed, shaking her head and muttering something about "uncoordinated little girls." I left her office before breaking into an all out scowl. She had been a teacher for 35 years, and she had little patience for new teachers and young people. The students were terrified of her.

During my prep periods I researched possible plays for the spring. Thursday was the last day of school before break, so I didn't have a lot to do as far as class preparation. The more I thought about doing a classic, the more excited I got. I looked up script pricing and cast sizes, and settled on _A Midsummer Night's Dream_. It's a funny play, and I knew the students could have fun with it while learning more about Shakespearean theater. As an added bonus, anything by Shakespeare would be guaranteed quick approval by the administration.

I didn't bother sticking around after the bell rang. My head was pounding as I made my way down to the choir room. Alice arranged for Rosalie to give me a ride home today so I wouldn't have to drive. "Just in case," she had said firmly. No amount of arguing would change her mind. She had taken Jasper to the airport this morning after dropping me at school, and she promised a quiet evening at home tonight. I wasn't holding my breath.

When I stumbled into my apartment, I almost didn't recognize the place. It was like Christmas had vomited all over the room. Tinsel was draped artistically over the windows; ornaments hung from the lamps; a mirror, complete with miniature skater figurines and fake snow, adorned the coffee table; electric candles burned in the windows. Centered in front of my windows was an impressive fir tree, wrapped in popcorn and more tinsel, with the star my grandmother had given me when I was 12 perched on the top.

I stared around me in awe for a moment before heaving a sigh. "Alice?" I called tentatively.

She popped out of the kitchen, bouncing on the balls of her feet and grinning crazily. "Do you love it? With your wrist and your concussion and everything I thought maybe decorating would be hard for you andIloveChristmasIhadsomuchfuntoday!" Her words blended together as she darted forward and hugged me.

I laughed, a little breathless. "Where did you get all of this? I'm sure I didn't have any of it lying around or in my storage locker." I moved further into the apartment and saw a large poinsettia on the kitchen table. It smelled like cookies and pine. I panicked a little.

"Alice, why does it smell like you've been baking? Please tell me you didn't go near the oven," I begged her. We were lucky the apartment building hadn't burned down yet.

"Relax, it's a wax melt. I hit up that kitschy craft store down by the boardwalk this morning," she said, rolling her eyes at me. "Like I would be stupid enough to _bake_." She shuddered. "Everything will be done by tomorrow, I need to buy a few more things for the tree." She hummed happily as she adjusted a string of popcorn.

"OK, OK," I said. "Why don't I bake some real cookies then, and you can play with frosting?"

She squealed again, clapping her hands. Some days I think that if you put Alice in a pair of footie pajamas she would look exactly like an eight year old little girl.

I was mixing batter and frosting, covered head to toe in flour when someone knocked on the door.

"Alice, can you get that?" I called into the living room.

A couple minutes later Alice came into the kitchen, a grimace on her face.

"What's wrong?" I searched her face, looking for something, anything that would tell me why she was so upset.

"He sent you flowers. There's a note. I didn't read it," she said in a flat, low voice, thrusting a vase full of brightly colored blossoms at me. My heart stopped for a second as I tried to interpret her words. _He sent you flowers._ Edward? He didn't even know where I lived. And why would Alice be so upset about it?

Then it registered. Jacob had sent the flowers. I reached out and grabbed the card tucked into the arrangement.

_**Bella,**_

_**You won't answer my phone calls and I was kicked out of your hospital room, so I'm trying Plan B. I love you so much baby. I screwed up, big time. We need to talk about it so we can get past it. Please call me. I'm useless without you.**_

_**Love,**_

_**Jacob**_

Wordlessly, I handed the card to Alice before throwing the flowers into the trash. I kept the vase. No sense in letting it go to waste. Jacob had called me four times yesterday after I got home from the hospital. Eventually I silenced my phone so I could sleep in peace.

"Maybe I should meet up with him," I said slowly, turning back around and starting to separate cookies on the baking sheets. Alice glared at me pointedly.

"Are you kidding me? After the shit he pulled? I know you're a sucker for the boy, Bella, but you're not that stupid. Don't tell me this is about closure. You've closed the hell out of that sucker," she said.

"He's not going to go away," I whined. "What if he tries to see me at Christmas?"

"That's what police chief daddies with shotguns are for," she said, in a very "this is for your own good" tone.

"Why don't you call Edward?" she asked me, a little too innocently. "We could invite him over for a movie night. You could call Rosalie and Emmett too. Wouldn't that be fun?" This was the hundredth or so not so subtly dropped hint Alice had given about Edward since yesterday morning, and as annoying as I found it, her suggestions were appealing. The guy saved my life, for crying out loud, and looked good doing it. I sighed. I was carrying around way too much baggage right now to deal with a new guy.

"Maybe some other time… can we just order Chinese food and watch _Sunset Boulevard_ tonight?"

She gave me a small smile. "Of course. I'm ready for my close up, Mr. DeMille!" She struck a dramatic pose. After a short giggling fit, she grabbed her cell phone and the menu I kept on my fridge and went back into the living room to call in our order. I took my chance and opened up a new text on my phone.

_**Stop calling me. Leave me alone**_. _**Don't send anything else.**_

Alice wouldn't approve, but I thought maybe if I gave him some kind of response, he would understand that we couldn't repair anything. Ignoring him was only making him more persistent, maybe a negative response would help.

*******

By Thursday afternoon, I had seven more missed calls from Jake, including three voicemails, and a bouquet of flowers on each day. Apparently my text message had just fanned the flames. Alice had been right. She always was.

"He's trying to antagonize you into meeting with him," she grumbled after I tossed out the latest floral delivery. She was perched on my couch, sketching out the long, graceful lines of a cocktail dress. In celebration of Christmas break, I had invited Rosalie over for eggnog and rum. We had gotten out of school at 1:00 p.m., and we didn't have to go back until January 3rd, the first school day after New Year's. Sometimes, my job really rocks.

Rosalie joined me in the kitchen, pouring more rum into her glass. "I told Emmett he and Edward should come over tonight, is that OK? Emmett's done around 6, and Edward should get off by 7:30."

"I guess, Rose, but I was planning on getting kind of silly tonight," I said, shaking the full liter of rum at her. "Later, we can whip out the hot chocolate and Bailey's!"

She laughed. "That sounds fabulous. I was inches from tossing my entire jazz ensemble out a second story window today. I could use a good night of debauchery." She smirked at me, winking and raising and eyebrow.

"La la la la la!" I put my fingers in my ears and closed my eyes. "I don't want any descriptions about what you will be doing with Mr. McCarty when you get him to bed, thank you very much. Save it for Alice."

To say Alice and Rosalie were getting along would be the understatement of the year. It made sense, on some weird cosmic level, that they would love each other. They had each been instrumental in my life, Alice as a teenager and young adult, Rosalie as a working professional. I fostered a slim hope that when Alice moved back to Seattle she would start taking Rosalie with her to the mall and leave me out of it.

By the time Emmett joined us around 6:30, I was half in the bag and getting loud. Rosalie and I were in the middle of an original interpretive dance to the tune of "Get Low" when Emmett walked in with a couple of bottles of wine.

"EMMETT!" Rosalie stopped dancing abruptly and jumped at him, giggling hysterically. Rose doesn't hold her liquor very well, although I can't say I do much better. She nearly knocked Emmett over, all 6'4", 230 pounds of him. He caught himself and then wrapped his arms around her, handing off the wine to Alice. Alice cheered and high tailed it to the kitchen to find a corkscrew.

"How much have you had to drink, Rosie?" he asked, laughing. "Because it looks like I have a lot of catching up to do."

We decided the best way for Emmett to "catch up" would be to play our favorite movie drinking game. Alice cued up the DVD while I explained the rules to Emmett.

"Every time a rule is triggered you have to take a drink. _You_ get to take TWO drinks, since you're so behind," I said.

Emmett laughed. "Bella, I've played drinking games before. If not to quite such a girly movie."

"Don't interrupt!" I huffed. "The Princess Bride is the PERFECT drinking movie. Lots of repetition. So. The rules. Every time Inigo says 'Hello, my name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father, prepare to die.' You drink." I raised my eyebrows. "Got it?"

"Got it. What else?"

"Every time someone has a sword fight. Every time Wesley says 'As you wish.' Any time Wesley wins a fight against _anything_. Every time Buttercup has a dream. And every time the movie shows Fred Savage and his grandpa!"

Emmett was staring at me now with a skeptical look on his face.

"Bella, have you seen this movie before? Because with the list you just read out, you're going to give yourself alcohol poisoning." I rolled my eyes.

"Whatever, Em. If you're not man enough to play…" I trailed off, challenging him with a half smile and a wink. That did the trick.

"Game on, Bells. You're gonna regret this."

Halfway through the movie, Rosalie was passed out, Alice was sloshed, and Emmett and I were roaring drunk. We weren't really paying attention to the rules anymore, just drinking and laughing.

There was a knock on the door. "Oooooh I bet that's Edward," I cheered, jumping up and running to the door.

"BE COOL, Bella!" Alice called, grinning from ear to ear. _Pssht, right. I've been drinking for hours, no part of me is prepared to be cool._

"INCONCEIVABLE!" I called back, giggling like crazy.

With that, I flung the door open, slipped outside and wrapped my arms around him. "You're here!" I sang into his chest. I looked up, expecting to see his dazzling green eyes staring at me with that crazy intense gleam. Instead, I met a very different pair of eyes, almost black, set in a russet skinned face, his delicious eyebrows raised in surprise.

"Shit!" I cried, before dropping my arms and backing away. "What the hell, Jake?"

Now he looked _really_ confused. "Who did you think I was?"

"It's not important. What's important is that I hate you and you can't come in," I tried to sober up, to focus, but I was wobbly and slurring my words. I hated that he was here, that he was seeing me like this. I hated that no matter how much I hated him, he was still mind numbingly gorgeous. He smiled at me as my emotions flashed across my face. Conceited ass.

"Bella," he said softly, stepping forward so that I was pinned between him and the wall. "Bella can't I come in for just a second? We can talk… just for a minute. Please?"

He was making bedroom eyes at me now, leaning in and blowing softly into my ear. He knew how horny I got when I drank. I couldn't get any farther away, and my drunk brain was incredibly confused. Wasn't there a rule about this? Didn't I get break-up sex? _NO,_ my inner Alice yelled. _He's a cheating bastard and he doesn't get to have you anymore!_

Jake knew I was torn, and he used it. He moved closer still, pressing me against the wall and kissing my neck. Inner Alice got louder. I pushed on his chest, but he didn't back away, just continued to drag his lips down my throat.

"Jacob, stop," I said firmly. He just hummed into my neck a little, biting down gently. I pushed harder, trying to situate my knee between his legs.

"Bella," he moaned. That was taking things too far.

"You don't get to say my name like that anymore," I said. Then I brought my knee up sharply, coming into contact with his balls and what felt like a fully formed erection. _That's going to sting._

He doubled over, howling in pain and grabbing his crotch. "What the hell, Bella? Seriously, you fucking bitch! What the hell is your problem?"

"My problem is that you cheated on me! My problem is that you were going to propose to me _after_ cheating on me. My problem is that after all that you still think you can walk in here and OWN me!" I never would have spoken to him this way sober, but the alcohol was pulling every angry thought out of my mouth. Word vomit city.

He was struggling to his feet now, looking outraged and hurt. His face screwed up like he was going to cry, so I decided to push him further.

"Did I hurt your feelings, Jakey? Did I make you feel a tiny bit of guilt for your man whoring? You didn't think you were going to waltz into my apartment and spread my legs did you? I hope Tanya was a good piece of ass. I hope she made you come all night long. Then, maybe it would have been worth it. I doubt it though." He was walking toward me know, face bright red.

"Shut the fuck up about her! You don't know the first thing about her because you never fucking let me explain! You're going to let me explain," his voice lowered dangerously.

Without warning, his hands shot out, wrapping around my upper arms and pinning me forcefully to the wall.

"Jake," I whimpered. "You're hurting me."

"You have to listen," he sounded slightly crazy now. His eyes were full of tears. Unconsciously, his hands tightened.

"You're scaring me," I was crying, too, twisting in an attempt to get away. My legs were pinned by his, so I couldn't use the knee maneuver that had saved me earlier.

"Get the hell away from her," a voice growled down the hall.

I whipped my head around and there was Edward, in all his life-saving glory. Even as panicked and upset as I was, I noticed the way his hair swept back from his forehead and the way his biceps strained against his cotton t-shirt. Horny, drunk Bella is observant like that.

"Edward," I whispered. I was still too disoriented to move. Edward, however, was striding down the hall, his hands clenched in fists at his side. His eyes were doing that crazy intense thing, but it was scary now, directing laser beams of rage at Jake. It reminded me of how he looked at the hospital, when he kicked Jacob out of my room.

Before Jake could do much more than flinch, Edward had one arm around his neck and another at his waist. Jake let go of me and tried to wriggle free. I slid slowly to the ground, gasping as the blood flooded back into my arms.

Watching them wrestle was surreal, to say the least. Jacob is huge, but Edward is no weakling. For a few minutes, all they did was scuffle. I don't know who threw the first punch, but suddenly they were locked in an all out brawl.

My door swung open and Emmett ran out, tackling the two of them and pulling them apart.

"Get off, Emmett! Let me kick the bastard's ass!" Edward growled, struggling against his brother.

Jacob was panting, but still. The fight seemed to have drained out of him. He stared at a spot on the floor, not moving, not speaking.

"What. The. Fuck." Emmett sputtered, torn between confusion and anger. "You're grown men! Having a bar fight in the hallway! Grow the fuck up. Edward, go inside and pull yourself together. Jacob, get the hell out of here," he said firmly. Edward stood up swiftly, hands clenched back at his side, and stormed into my apartment. When Jake tried to speak, Emmett raised his hand to stop him.

"Seriously, dude, do not test me," he said. "I don't know what happened yet, but I'm betting it was not a shining moment for either of you. Leave before I have to kick your ass myself. Don't come back unless Bella invites you back. Got it?" Defeated, Jake nodded.

Emmett turned to me.

"Bella?" he said softly, stooping down to look me in the eye. "Bella, honey, are you OK? Honey, say something."

"Thank you?" I whispered, still in shock. It came out as a question, and Emmett laughed a little. He held his hand out to me, and I grabbed it, steadying myself as I stood. I wobbled back into the apartment and collapsed on the sofa next to the still sleeping Rosalie. Alice was nowhere to be seen, but the door to my office was closed again. She had probably gotten tired of waiting for me to come in and gone to bed.

Emmett sat down next to me and silently handed me a glass of water.

"You want to tell me why my little brother was beating the crap out of your ex?" he asked. He looked like he was trying not to laugh.

"Jacob came by to talk. I yelled at him, pushed him. I even kneed him in the crotch," I smiled half-heartedly at that. Emmett smiled too, but stayed silent, waiting for me to continue.

"He kept saying that I had to listen to him, he had to explain. I was… well _am_ drunk, and I wasn't being very nice, and then … he just lost it."

"The bastard had her pushed up against the wall when I got here," Edward's voice interrupted me. He was leaning against the living room wall. He looked mostly calm, but a hint of the rage I saw earlier still played across his features. "I'm sorry, Bella," he said, looking into my eyes. "I just couldn't handle seeing him touch you like that. No one should ever touch you like that."

If Emmett hadn't been there, I probably would have engaged him in another staring contest, but as things stood I blushed and looked down at my hands instead. Emmett laughed, breaking through the awkward silence.

"Well you're just lucky one of the neighbors didn't find you first. I'm sure the cops would have gotten involved." He stood up and scooped up Rosalie, who hadn't so much as stirred in the last five minutes. "I'm going to take Rose home. Edward, can you stay with Bella until she's OK to sleep?"

"Of course," he said smoothly, smiling at me in a reassuring way.

"Goodnight, Bells," Emmett said, kissing the top of my head and making his way over to the door.

Edward and I sat in silence for a few moments after Emmett left. Then Edward crossed the room in a few quick strides and sat beside me, reaching out for my hand.

In that one simple gesture, all the tension I had been holding in released. I collapsed against him, sobbing. His arms wrapped around me, as naturally as if we had been doing this for years. He rocked me back and forth, gently whispering soothing words. He smelled amazing, like boy and soap, with a sweet unidentifiable edge. Without realizing it, I started taking deep breaths, inhaling through his t-shirt. The deep breathing, combined with his scent and the secure feeling his arms gave me helped slow my heartbeat and stopped my tears.

After I stopped crying, he began humming an unfamiliar melody. Something about it made me feel tired, and his arms were so comforting… _so safe. _I sighed deeply and relaxed into his chest, succumbing to sleep.

**Author's Note: Jacob's ass-kicking is dedicated to driemygrl…sorry that she didn't throw anything, but a knee to the crotch is pretty good right? **

Twilighted teaser:

Halfway through the movie, Rosalie was passed out, Alice was sloshed, and Emmett and I were roaring drunk. We weren't really paying attention to the rules anymore, just drinking and laughing.

There was a knock on the door. "Oooooh I bet that's Edward," I cheered, jumping up and running to the door.

"BE COOL, Bella!" Alice called, grinning from ear to ear. _Pssht, right. I've been drinking for hours, no part of me is prepared to be cool._

"INCONCEIVABLE!" I called back, giggling like crazy.

With that, I flung the door open, slipped outside and wrapped my arms around him. "You're here!" I sang into his chest. I looked up, expecting to see his dazzling green eyes staring at me with that crazy intense gleam. Instead, I met a very different pair of eyes, almost black, set in a russet skinned face, his delicious eyebrows raised in surprise.

"Shit!" I cried, before dropping my arms and backing away. "What the hell, Jake?"


	11. Chapter 11

I woke up with a jolt. _Why am I on the couch?_ _And why can't I move?_ Then I looked up.

Edward sleeping was even more divine than I thought he would be. His hair, always mussed, now looked like he had been fighting with a wind machine for several hours. The creases in his forehead were gone, and he had a slight smile on his lips. Only the sound of his slow, steady breathing broke the late night silence.

I leaned back onto his chest and took a deep breath. Was it possible that sleep made him smell better? Maybe I just hadn't been paying close enough attention yesterday. My mind replayed Edward's rescue again, focusing on the way he radiated strength and confidence. I contrasted that image with Edward softly taking my hand to comfort me, and how easy it had been to throw myself into his arms.

Edward's arms tightened slightly around me, and he mumbled something incoherently. He sounded happy. I let myself hope for one second he was happy about holding me before I shook it off. Even if it were true, I had to sort through my current break-up before I could worry about the many Edward-related fantasies that had been growing in my head.

Not all my fantasies were sexual, although, let's be honest, the man was sex personified. I was fairly certain that between the medical training and the piano playing, he was good with his hands, if you know what I mean. But I could see Edward in other settings too: eating dinner at my kitchen table, curled up beside me on my couch on a rainy Saturday, walking hand and hand with me through one of the city's parks.

Fantasizing about Edward gave me some really great ideas. I needed to write. _Now_. One problem: I was still entangled in his arms, and I had no idea how to get loose without waking him. Oh well, it had to end sometime.

I shifted slightly, freeing one of my arms. Reaching up to his face, I ran my fingers down his cheek. His skin was pleasantly warm and very soft. _Does he exfoliate?_ _Focus, Bella_.

"Edward," I whispered, trying to be as gentle as possible. No sense in a rude awakening. He was a hero, after all. The plan backfired a little though. All he did was smile a little wider and hug me a little tighter.

I pressed my palm to his cheek and tried again. "Edward?"

He sighed deeply, and responded, quite distinctly. "Bella…" He never opened his eyes, nor did he say anything else. Maybe he really was dreaming about me? One way to find out. Reluctantly, I pulled my hand away from his face and shook his shoulder firmly.

"Edward, wake up. I need to get up."

His eyelashes fluttered and he yawned. There was something about his yawn that made him look like a little boy. It was completely disarming. He opened his eyes slowly, looking at me with a goofy smile on his face. We stayed like that for a moment, and then he seemed to remember where he was.

He turned pink (_ha, at least I'm not the only one who blushes!_) and let me go rather abruptly. The sudden release threw me off balance, and my hands instinctively flew to his chest. Oh God. I was touching his chest. His muscular, broad, sexy chest. _Holy shit._

I know, it's silly. I had just spent who knows how long curled up against him with his arms around me. But we were asleep! And even after I woke up, _he_ was still asleep. Now we were both awake, and I was embarrassed. I gave a shaky laugh and righted myself, removing my hands as quickly as possible.

"I'm sorry I had to wake you, you looked so peaceful…but I needed to get free," I said, smiling at him as he stretched his arms above his head. His shirt lifted and I could see his stomach. Not much hair, just a hint of defined abs. Perfect.

"I'm sorry, I never intended to fall asleep," Edward said, looking at me now. "I didn't want to move you until I was sure you were really out, and I guess I was more tired than I thought. What time is it?"

I grabbed my cell phone from the coffee table. "Ummm, looks like its 11:59. Happy almost-Christmas Eve!"

Edward stretched again and laughed. "Thanks, I guess I didn't realize how long we were napping. I should probably get going."

"Yeah…I guess," I hesitated, not quite sure how to thank the guy who had saved me from two bad situations in a very short time span. Tonight was the first time I had seen him since our disastrous breakfast date. I hoped he wasn't avoiding me.

We both started talking at the same time.

"I just wanted to—"

"Listen, Bella—"

Nervous laughter. Awkward pause. I took a deep breath and tried again.

"I just wanted to thank you for helping like you did. Jacob isn't a bad guy, but I've been ignoring him since the break-up and I'm sure his exams were stressful and a half. I know he wasn't trying to hurt me, but I don't know what would have happened if you hadn't shown up. So… thanks."

"Bella, I don't care what kind of guy you think he is. He's bad news if he thinks it's ok to handle you that way. I'm glad you're not seeing him anymore." He gave me another tiny crooked smile and took my hand. "I'm very glad."

My heart started pounding. I'm pretty sure Alice would be able to hear it in the office if she was awake. Was he saying he was glad I was out of a relationship that made me unhappy, or that he was glad I was single? There were too many ways to take that sentence.

While my brain was still whirring with the possibilities, Edward slowly lifted the hand he was holding and brushed his lips against my knuckles. _OK, only one way to take that._

"Merry Christmas, Bella."

My brain hadn't started functioning again, so all I could manage was a wide-eyed nod.

"Do you have plans for New Year's Eve?"

I shook my head this time, slowly.

"Can I take you out?"

I finally found my voice. "Y..yes?" It came out as a question. He raised one eyebrow, doubt crossing his features. The forehead crease returned. _Damn it. Pull yourself together Swan!_ I cleared my throat and tried again.

"I would really like that, Edward." I smiled at him, and watched his face light up in return. He stood up, still holding my hand, and pulled me up next to him. I followed him to the door, leaning against the doorway. He turned, pausing briefly on his way out and staring down into my eyes. I was getting used to the intense way his eyes probed my face. It was flattering, and more than a little sexy.

"I'll call you soon. Be safe, and have a good Christmas," he brushed his fingers lightly against my forehead, smoothing my hair back and tucking a loose strand behind my ear, and smiling the whole time. "Goodnight, Bella." Then he was gone.

I stood there for who knows how long, door open, jaw down around my ankles. At some point I remembered where I was and closed the door, making my way back into my living room and flopping down on the couch. Despite the time, I was wide awake. The nap cuddled up with Captain Fantastic had probably helped. I leaned into the spot where Edward had lain and took a deep breath. I wonder what detergent he uses. There's no way he just naturally smells like that.

I pulled up my Edward file and began adding to the story, filling in gaps and elaborating on certain plotlines. I finally knew how to introduce my hero's superpowers, and I burned at least two hours just letting that story spin out, editing and rereading as I went. It was a daring rescue scene, where my hero was forced to reveal himself to save my heroine from certain death. A bit corny, but most of this story was—I didn't let myself get worked up about it. This was more than a writing exercise, it was a release. I was finally writing something for myself, with no demands or ideals about publication or what someone else would think about it. This was _mine_.

I reveled in the quiet time, knowing I didn't have to feel guilty about leaving someone alone in my bed, or stress out about waking up to go into work today. I did have to drive to Forks, but I could grab a short nap before Alice and I took off.

Around 2:45 a.m., I started to slow down. My eyelids got heavy, and I couldn't contain the yawns anymore. Reluctantly, I crawled back into bed and fell asleep, words still buzzing impatiently in my head.

I was jerked awake by the sound of Alice rummaging through my closet, tossing clothing into haphazard piles and muttering to herself. It felt like I had only been sleeping for a few minutes. I lifted myself up on one elbow and cleared my throat. She gave me a cursory glance and then went back to her sorting.

"Good, you're awake. Help me find that silky red top I brought you last time I visited."

"What time is it?" I asked, still feeling kind of fuzzy.

"It's 8:00. Get up, help me find that top, and then get moving. We need to hit the road soon."

Grumbling under my breath, I rolled out of bed and walked over to my closet. Alice had turned my impeccably organized space into a total disaster area. I was going to have to call FEMA in to clean up this mess. I reached into the back of my hanging rack and grabbed the shirt in question.

"Is this what you're looking for?" She grinned from ear to ear and clapped her hands.

"Yes! Excellent. Let me throw together the rest of your bag while you shower." She didn't even make eye contact with me, just pointed out the bedroom door and kept tossing things over her shoulder.

I rolled my eyes and sighed. When Alice used that tone, it was best to just follow orders. I made my way into the bathroom and turned the water on as hot as it could go. The hot water woke me up a bit, and after about fifteen minutes in the steam I felt up to facing Alice. If the tornado in my closet was any indication, she was in a mood today. Several hours in a car with her would be interesting, probably more akin to the Spanish Inquisition than a road trip.

Less than an hour later, Alice had packed my car (and I had _repacked_ it in a more organized fashion) and we were on the road heading toward Forks. Alice kept up a steady flow of commentary about recent events in the Brandon household. When she ran out of stories there, she moved on to a detailed description of her wedding flowers, the hall, her dress, my maid of honor dress, and on and on.

She hadn't asked any questions about what happened last night, which was completely out of character. She had no reason to suspect that anything _bad_ had happened, but she knew that Edward was planning on coming over, and she went to bed before he arrived. Knowing Alice, it had been a play to throw Edward and me together in a more intimate setting. Given that she had probably tried to manipulate the whole evening, it was shocking that she hadn't mentioned him once.

We were nearly to Forks and the suspense was killing me. When she paused for breath, I decided to put myself out of my misery.

"So, don't you want to know what happened last night?"

She picked at her nails, feigning nonchalance. I knew she was only pretending because of the tiny grin on her lips. "Oh, did something _happen _last night?" she asked 's when I figured out her game.

"You sneaky little bitch! You weren't asking so I would volunteer the information on my own!" I accused. How irritating, she knew I never did that. I always made her pull every word out of me; that was just how we did things. I should have sensed that she was playing the waiting game. Clearly, my Alice-senses were off kilter today. I scrunched up my nose in frustration and exhaled loudly. She giggled.

"So, what happened? Did Edward sweep you off your feet?" She turned to me, an eager smile fixed on her face. "Throw me a bone here! It took way longer for you to crack than I expected."

"Did he sweep me off my feet? Before or after Jake accosted me outside my apartment? Perhaps after the fistfight he and Edward had in the hallway? Or maybe it was after Emmett pulled them off each other and threatened them both with bodily harm?" She gaped at me, speechless.

"Actually, now that I think about it, it was probably when he took my hand and held me while I cried and then we both fell asleep on the couch."

"Bella…Swan!" Alice sputtered, still looking astonished. "You are simply unbelievable. You kept that story to yourself ALL MORNING?"

I looked at her, amused. "Really? That's your response? I thought for sure you'd have more questions."

We drove past the "Welcome to Forks" population sign, and I knew we were only minutes from Alice's house. She took too long to get over her shock. This was more than adequate payback for her springing the waiting game on me like that. _Bella: 1 … Alice: 2,479,120_.

"We're heeeeeere," I sang. "See you tomorrow Alice. Have a nice Christmas Eve!" I popped my trunk open and looked at her with my very best doe-eyed innocent face. I threw in a cheery smile for good measure.

"You suck," she muttered. "This isn't over. I have you all day tomorrow," she looked slightly threatening, and I knew that making her wait a whole day for answers would make tomorrow that much more painful. I could enjoy the victory now though. "Details, Swan. I want them. And what Alice wants, Alice gets. Just ask Jasper."

"Oh yeah, when is he getting into town? I should have thought of it earlier, we could have picked him up from the airport and taken him with us."

"No, he's flying in late tonight and renting a car. It's easier this way, we'll ride back together after Christmas and fly home right away."

She collected her bags from my trunk and then waved goodbye, looking a little less like an angry badger and a little more like my best friend. "Call me if you get any… unwelcome guests. I'm ten minutes away."

"Thanks, babe," I said, giving her another, more genuine smile. "I think it'll be fine. Police chief daddy with a shotgun, remember?" I waved as I backed out of the driveway, and drove the few miles across town to my father's house.

The familiar two story house greeted me like it always did, surrounded by trees and unable to decide whether it wanted to be comforting or foreboding. I used to tease my dad that it looked like the kind of place where a teenage slasher flick would go down. You know the type—16 year old babysitter gets threatening phone calls from a creepy man in a mask who turns out to be _inside the house the whole time_. When I first moved to Forks, I had to forgo the horror films for a while; even then I had an overactive imagination.

The police cruiser was parked in the drive and as I pulled up to the curve the front door swung open.

"Bells!" My dad shouted across the lawn, waving furiously. I got out of the car, smiling uncertainly. This was completely out of character for him, usually he was more reserved. I grabbed my duffel and jogged up to the porch. He enveloped me in a bear hug, squeezing me tightly. It left me a little breathless, but I was touched.

We broke apart, and Charlie's real personality surfaced. He turned beet red (_thank you Dad for the blushing_) and stared at his boots for a second.

"It's good to have you home, sweetheart. I missed you," he chanced a look up, and saw that I was still smiling. He reached out for my bag and swung it over his shoulder. "You're just in time for lunch. I ordered pizza."

I laughed. "Of course you did. Don't worry, we'll go grocery shopping after we finish lunch."

He looked at me apprehensively.

"Yes, I said _we_ Chief Swan. You're coming too. You always send me to the store by myself like the little woman. Not this time," I lectured him sternly, not really meaning it but enjoying watching him squirm. I threw a hint of "Alice" into the tone just to make it perfectly clear that I was in charge. To my complete delight, it worked. _ I wonder if that tone of voice would work on other men…like Edward_. I cleared all thoughts of what exactly I would like to order Edward to do out of my head and followed Charlie into the house.

Grocery shopping with the Chief was … interesting. He had no clue where anything was, and he never expressed any preferences for our meal. I settled on a whole chicken, since it was just the two of us and I had no time for a ham or a turkey at this point. I also picked up pot roast fixings for tomorrow. Charlie couldn't cook worth a damn and Billy and Jake were just as helpless. I would put everything in a Crockpot in the morning before I left so they would have dinner at a normal hour.

As soon as we were home I started in the kitchen. Charlie tried to hang around for a while, but he looked so damn uncomfortable that I shooed him off into the living room after less than a half hour. As soon as I had the chicken stuffed and cooking I joined him. ESPN was blaring on the T.V., but he wasn't really paying attention.

We sat in relative silence for an hour or so, shooting off comments about the "classic" baseball game that was currently playing. Suddenly, Charlie broke the silence.

"Billy was over last night," he said. He sounded nervous.

"Oh yeah?" I replied, not really thrilled about where I knew this was heading. There was only one place it _could_ go. While his son was busy harassing me in Seattle, Billy was waving a white flag of peace at my dad.

"He's been talking to Jacob quite a bit this week," Charlie continued. "He's not doing well, Bella. He did a terrible thing, and I'm not saying you should take him back. But maybe you should talk to him, hear his side of the story."

_Oh no you didn't. _

"Charlie Swan, are you suggesting that there is another way to interpret my boyfriend and a strange woman half naked in his apartment? Because I'd love to hear it," I opened my eyes wide and clasped my hands in front of me, the picture of patient expectance. He blushed and stuttered a little before he regained his composure.

"All Billy told me was that Jake is beside himself, and that he's going crazy cut off from you," he said quietly. "You've been friends for a long time, Bella. Take as much time as you need, but don't cut him out of your life. When someone does that to you, well, you never recover."

I flinched a little as I realized what he was referring to. My mom, Renée, had left him when I was barely two years old. She packed up her clothes and my things, put us in a car, and said goodbye to Charlie and Forks for good. They barely spoke, just a phone call here and there mostly concerning me. He never talked about her, and he never dated. Something inside him broke when my mom left.

I sighed and reached out for his hand. "I'm sorry, Dad, this is non-negotiable. He betrayed my trust that day, in so many ways. Can you see why I won't talk to him?"

"Of course I can, hell, I agree with you. But still… you never were one for grudges, kiddo," he laughed a little, under his breath. "Obviously, this is something you need to think about." Then he let it drop.

Dinner was comfortable, familiar. We didn't need to talk, it was enough just to spend some time together. We exchanged presents in the living room afterwards. Charlie was thrilled with my gift of a new tackle box, and his gift to me was surprisingly thoughtful.

"I know you love that computer of yours, but sometimes a pen and paper is just…right," he said as I unwrapped the beautiful leather-bound journal. Attached to the journal was another, smaller package that turned out to be a fancy ballpoint pen. I flipped through the book and was surprised to find my name embossed on the bottom corner of each page. He had used my full name: _Isabella M. Swan_.

"Wow, Dad, where did you get this?" I whispered, running my fingers over the raised edges of the letters. "It's beautiful, I love it."

He didn't say anything, so I tore my eyes away from the book and looked up at him. He was a light shade of pink, sheepish grin on his face. "A buddy of mine knew a guy," he said vaguely. "As soon as I heard that I could get your name added to it, I jumped on it. Do you…" he hesitated. "Do you really like it?"

"I love it," I said firmly. I stood up and wrapped my arms around his neck, trying to tell him silently how much I missed this, missed him. I think he got the message, because when I pulled away he had tears in his eyes.

"Well, it's late. If you're going to go to the Brandons in time for brunch you better get to bed now," he said gruffly. "I wouldn't put it past Alice to bust in here in the morning if you're late."

I laughed and agreed with him. I wished him merry Christmas one more time before I took my journal upstairs with me and went into my familiar childhood bedroom.

Charlie never touched this room. It stood as a monument to who I had been as a kid and a teenager. I had always been a little embarrassed by the reminders of my nursery days when I lived here in high school, but something stopped me from changing anything. Maybe it was because this room fit my idea of Forks so perfectly. This was home.

I threw on my polar bear fleece pajamas and curled up on my twin bed. The one thing I hated about this room was the tiny bed. After sleeping on a full sized mattress for years, demoting myself to a twin was torture.

I flipped through the journal again, fanning out the pages and breathing in the smell of fresh paper. It was just as promising as the blank page on a word processing document. I would have to come up with something special for this book.

I turned off the light and lay in the quiet dark, turning over today's events in my head. Alice would be relentless tomorrow. I would have to tell her everything. Even after I had disclosed all the details, she would push for more, for _feelings_. I'd have to make sure Jasper was around to protect me.

A secret smile crossed my lips, and before I could stop it, I was grinning. For tonight, Edward was my secret. Alice didn't know that he had kissed my hand. She didn't know that he had asked me on a date for New Year's Eve. And she didn't have any idea how fast my heart beat when I was around him, or that I suspected he dreamt of me when we took our impromptu nap. _Mine_, I thought sleepily. For tonight, Edward was mine.

**Author's Note: Beeeellaaa's got a **_**daaaaate**_**. More Christmas to come in Chapter 12, stay tuned and keep those reviews coming…they're pretty motivating!**


	12. Chapter 12

I tossed and turned for most of the night. Maybe it was the twin bed, maybe it was knowing that Jake was so close and in so much pain. Even though I officially hated the cheating bastard, Charlie had a point. We had been best friends for years, and thinking about never having him around again made me sad on too many levels.

Around 5:00 a.m. I got sick of pretending to sleep. I knew what I had to do. I couldn't go out with Edward until I knew what had happened with Jake, and I wouldn't know that until I talked to him. I was sober, we were home, and he was enough of a freak that he would probably be awake anyway. I had to go to La Push. _Alice is going to freaking kill me._

I snuck out of the house easily enough. For once, my dad wouldn't be up at the crack of dawn. I had until at least 9:00 a.m. My car started quietly, and I crept down the street and out of town.

Once I cleared the town borders, I sped off down the road. The reservation was only a 15 minute drive from town, and Jacob and Billy lived near the beach. I pulled into a parking spot near the shore and hopped out… and promptly turned blue.

Yeah, so it turns out that December in Washington before dawn is really cold. Who knew? Of course I had just thrown on my sweats and a jacket. No hat, no gloves, thin socks, no boots. I must be losing my mind. Or maybe I just have a death wish? Hypothermia was definitely a viable option.

I stood there on the beach, rubbing my hands together underneath my layers and trying to come up with my next move. Perhaps I should have come up with a plan _before_ dragging my ass out to the beach. What, Jacob was just going to miraculously appear because I drove out here? I was about to get back into my car when I heard a noise behind me.

I whipped around and there he was, towering above me and looking completely miserable. He was standing about 5 feet away, looking at me like I was a mirage. Apparently a miraculous appearance wasn't too much to ask for.

"Bella?" His voice was raspy and low. He sounded a lot like I had after crying through most of the first part of the week. I didn't really know what to say, so I kept it simple.

"Hey, Jake. Let's talk."

We walked over to our tree, the one where I had pictured our perfect proposal scene. He approached me slowly, asking me permission before he got closer. I nodded, trying to keep the fear off my face. Even though he had scared me that night at my apartment, I knew deep down that he would never hurt me. He was probably miserable that he had grabbed me. There was no excuse for his behavior, but remorse was written all over his face.

My teeth started to chatter, and before I could process it, he was reaching over and folding me into his arms. I tried to protest, but he was so warm that I decided it was best to just give in for the time being. No sense in getting frostbite. He wouldn't try anything with me, not now.

"Tell me, Jake. Don't leave anything out," I said, trying not to sound angry or judgmental. He needed to talk, and nothing he said could change what had happened or what I felt. This I could give. I could pretend it didn't hurt for a few minutes.

"Tanya's in my class at school. She's in my study group, and she's good friend," he started talking immediately in a monotone. He sounded like he had been planning out this speech for the last week.

"We've been hanging out a lot lately, studying alone, talking about our lives and what we want to do. She really understands where I'm coming from, you know?" I tried to ignore that dig, but it stung. He looked down at me, and his expression changed.

"You understand _all_ of me, Bells. Tanya just knows more about my life right now. That's my fault, not yours." He took a deep breath and plowed forward. "We didn't have class that day, and I invited her over to my apartment to study. We had been spending a lot of time in coffee shops and at the library and it was time for a change of scenery. One minute we were arguing about a case for Contracts and the next second…"

He stopped talking, and I started to doubt this plan. Sure, I knew that breaking up with Jake was right, but sitting here and listening to his confession hurt far more than I was expecting. It had been easier to be the one inflicting the pain…passively accepting it, worse, actively seeking the pain was so much harder.

"We didn't have sex, I promise you. It was that one afternoon. We fooled around and hadn't even really talked about it. I didn't know what to think, and then you came in, and all I could think of was how royally I had just fucked my life up."

I felt something hot and wet on my cheek. Huge sobs were shuddering through him, and he held on to me like a stuffed animal, apologizing over and over again in barely recognizable words.

Not once, in ten years, had I ever seen Jacob cry. Not when he broke his leg in a motorcycle accident, not when we said "I love you" for the first time (I had bawled like a baby), not when Billy was hospitalized for a heart attack right after he started college. Jacob was a sun; he radiated happiness and certainty. This giant, quivering mess of a man was completely foreign to me.

Suddenly, I was rocking him back and forth making shushing noises. I don't know what button he pushed, but I felt sorry for him. Not angry, not guilty, just _sorry_. The unexpected comfort completely unhinged him, and for a long time we just sat there, clinging to each other. I saw the scene in my mind's eye, and thought again about how closely this resembled the engagement I dreamed about. Early morning, Christmas day, wrapped in each other's arms and crying. Check, check and check. Somebody upstairs had a sick sense of humor.

Once he had calmed down to an occasional whimper and hiccup, I took a deep breath of my own and said my piece.

"I won't lie to you. I wanted to kill you that afternoon." Here he let out of a loud sniff. Before he could start crying again I kept talking, not thinking about the words. I told him about every realization I had come to, how we were different people now, and how we both deserved to be with people who wanted the same things. It sounded so cliché, but it was true too. I cried a little, but it wasn't anything like before. I had already said goodbye. This just made it official.

"I'm not ready to stop trying, Bella," he said quietly, his voice still clouded with tears. "I'm not ready to give up on this, on us. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. God, this is not how I wanted this to go." He wouldn't meet my eyes, despite the fact that he was still holding me to his chest.

"I know, Jake. It's OK. You have to let go now," I said. I couldn't leave any door open. This had to end now, for both our sakes. "I love you, but I'm not in love with you anymore. And dragging this out is just going to hurt us more in the long run. I think we should probably take a break from each other for a while. In a few months we can try being friends again. But that's all. Friends. " I used my very best Alice voice: firm, demanding, and unwavering.

He didn't respond, but I could see it start to sink in.

"Will I see you at Charlie's house today?" He sounded so hopeful. Thank God for Alice and planning ahead.

"I'm going to be at the Brandons' this year. Charlie and I had Christmas last night. I thought it would be best if we weren't together this year," I said. I looked up just in time to see him squint in pain and nod his head.

"If that's what you want. I'm sorry, Bella. I love you."

"I know. I'm sorry, but this is what I need." I hugged him one more time and kissed him on the cheek. His arms stayed wrapped firmly around me.

"Jake, you have to let go," I prompted him. When he still didn't move, I patted his hands softly and said, "Please, let me go."

That did it. I felt his hands release my hips and a sudden shock of cold as the air hit my clothing. I backed away slowly. He met my eyes and I gave him a small smile. "Goodbye."

******

When I arrived at Alice's house later that morning I was the picture of happiness. I hugged her parents, chattered with Cynthia about Wisconsin and college, and dished with Alice over all the gory details I had left out on our trip to Forks. I caught Jasper staring at me a couple of times, but I just smiled and nodded. Alice was taking my holiday cheer in stride, but I avoided Jasper. He could make me say pretty much anything without even trying. I think he may have secret mind powers. When I first met him, I told Alice that he would be one hell of a hypnotist.

Sure enough, about halfway through the day, he cornered me in the kitchen. I was minding my own business, eating one of Mrs. Brandon's truly glorious sugar cookies and drinking eggnog when he found me.

"So, when did you talk to Jacob?" he asked casually. I snorted eggnog up my nose.

"What?" How the hell did he know about that? I hadn't been moping, and I sure as hell hadn't said anything to Alice. Of course, my complete shock gave me away. He laughed at me and handed me a napkin.

"I knew it," he said smugly. "You don't even have to admit it, your face went from surprised to flustered to embarrassed in about five seconds. What happened? He didn't come to your house, did he?" Alice had filled him in on the events at my apartment, and he looked worried that I had been cornered again.

"No, actually I went to him," I told him defiantly. Instead of looking annoyed or horrified like Alice would have, Jasper looked like he was proud of me.

"And why did you do that?"

"I needed to hear what had happened, and I needed to say goodbye. I told him everything, I asked him to give me some space, and told him that I hoped we could be friends again."

"You _what_?" Shit. Alice had chosen that moment to walk into the kitchen. Jasper had the good grace to look sheepish about outing me.

"I went and talked to Jacob this morning," I explained as lightly as possible. I shrugged. Shrugging was good. Very blasé. "It's officially over… just in time for New Year's."

I winked and sashayed out the door and into the living room, where I quickly engaged Mrs. Brandon in a conversation about Jane Austen and the perfect man. It was a daring tactical move on my part, but it paid off in spades. I attracted all the other middle aged ladies in a circle around me as we debated the pros and cons of Misters Darcy, Ferrars, and Knightly. It was like having my own personal, literary force field.

I kept myself surrounded for the rest of the day, giving Alice no opportunity to ambush me. At 9:00, I waved goodbye to the Brandons, promised a visit in the near future, and made my escape.

When I got back to Charlie's house, the Blacks were gone and he was sprawled out on the couch. I woke him up and sent him to bed, before collapsing on the couch myself. I wasn't ready to sleep, but I didn't have enough energy to write.

Just then, my phone beeped, lighting up with a new text message. **Edward Cullen**. I held in the girly squeals and opened it quickly.

_**Merry Christmas, beautiful. Did you get everything you wanted?**_

I laughed. Of course, he had diarrhea of the mouth when he left voicemails and he was Mr. Smooth when he texted. Unfortunately, I couldn't tell if he was messing with me or not. I mean, what kind of a message was that? Flirty? Funny? Weird? I decided to test the waters.

_**Yep. I got a date for New Year's with a handsome doctor**_.

I waited. And waited. Twenty minutes later and I still hadn't gotten a response. Oh my God I had scared him off. I decided to wait another ten minutes before I found a hole somewhere to die in.

Beep.

_**What a coincidence. I got a date with a gorgeous writer. I think I got the better end of that deal.**_

Ohhhhh he's good. So totally worth the freak out. _Swoon._ And he said I was a writer. That's cute, although not entirely accurate. The panic attack and subsequent adrenaline crash set in after that, and I felt my eyelids drifting closed. Before I could pull a Charlie and pass out on the couch, I trudged upstairs, pulling on my pajamas as I fell into bed. I glanced at my alarm clock and was pleasantly surprised. Not even 11:00 and I was going to sleep. _Merry Christmas to me._

_

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**Author's Note: There you go! Bella has gotten rid of Jacob...for good? We shall see. One thing's for sure, lots more Edward coming up! Read and Review please!  
**


	13. Chapter 13

**Oooooh an early update! Don't you love me? I'm enjoying all your reviews, thanks for your support! It's a little overwhelming...I'm glad you guys are still reading along with me.**

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I spent the next day with Charlie. Alice and Jasper joined us for brunch, much to Charlie's delight. She's had him wrapped around her little finger since we were in high school… whenever I needed to convince him to let me do something I would invite Alice over to push him over the edge. If she asked, he'd say yes, guaranteed. We got away with a lot thanks to that brilliant strategy.

Despite her reaction on Christmas, Alice was quite supportive after I gave her the full story about my trip to La Push. It helped that Jasper thought I had done the perfect thing to "diffuse the situation." When the professional problem solver agrees with you, you know you're in the clear.

"I wish you had talked to me before just driving out there, Bella," Alice pouted. She wasn't really upset anymore, just peeved that I hadn't consulted with her before I made my decision. It was totally out of character for me. I liked it. _Note to self: spontaneous can be a good thing. _

"Leave her alone, Alice," Jasper said, winking at me and helping himself to another helping of French toast and bacon. "Hey Bells, any chance you could teach Alice here how to cook when we move back to Seattle? I'd like to eat like this on a regular basis."

Charlie laughed and patted me on the back. "She tried to teach me a thing or two when she moved up here from Phoenix. A lot of burnt pans. It didn't end well. As soon as she graduated I reverted back to fried eggs and lunch meat sandwiches."

"Yeah, well, I saw that coming a mile away," I sighed, shaking my head in mock disappointment. "The one night I let him make dinner completely unsupervised, he put metal in the microwave, cooked the noodles so long they clumped together in a giant mass, and burned the ground beef for the meat sauce beyond recognition." I laughed at the memory. I ended up ordering pizza that night rather than trying to repair the damage he had done to our "meal."

"It might be safer to teach _you_ how to cook, to be honest, Jasper," I continued. Alice shot me a warning glare, but I couldn't help myself. "Alice was almost responsible for single-handedly destroying our dorm at UW. She tried to bake a batch of cupcakes in the community kitchen our freshman year and she started a kitchen fire."

"That is _such_ an exaggeration." She scowled at me and threw a potholder at my head, but it was too late. Jasper doubled over in laughter gasping for breath, and Charlie wasn't much better off.

"I just forgot about the timer!" she protested, raising her voice above the laughter. "It was an honest mistake! Anyway, you're making it sound like the whole kitchen was on fire. I put it out, nobody was hurt, and the oven was fine."

"How have I not heard that story?" Jasper said, calming down enough to speak. "This explains your irrational fear of baking." He grinned at Alice, and when she still didn't smile he kissed her cheek. She softened a little after that, wrinkling her nose and sighing dramatically.

"I think I'll take you up on that offer, Miss Bella," he continued. "I'll trade you general cooking skills for my super secret barbecuing techniques. You can't do much better than that."

"I've always wanted to learn how to grill!" I said, laughing and shaking his hand to make our deal official. "That sounds like a fair trade. We'll start your lessons as soon as you get your butts back to Washington where you belong."

"I'll pencil you in for February, then," he replied, his eyes twinkling.

I sat there in silence for a beat, and then jumped up and started screaming. I threw one arm around Alice's shoulder and the other around Jasper's, pulling them into a tight hug.

"February? I thought you were just starting to look into moving back, not that you already had a _moving date_! When did this happen?"

"Plans may have been a _little_ more definite than we let on," Alice admitted, laughing with me and squealing a little herself. "I've been looking at studio spaces and apartments while you were at work, and Jasper got a confirmed offer from one of the mediation firms he's been in talks with when he was here last week. There'll be some overlap between our leases, but that can't be helped. This offer was too good for us to pass up, plus they're paying relocation expenses."

"If you girls are done screaming," Charlie interrupted, smiling over at us, "I could use some help clearing the table."

We spent a little more time together at Charlie's, but Alice and Jasper had to get to Seattle so they could catch their evening flight back home. I couldn't even imagine the jet lag Jasper had to be going through, but he just shrugged it off when I mentioned it.

"Ain't no thang, sweet cheeks," he drawled. "I'll sleep on the plane."

"See, that right there? That's how I know you're tired," Alice said, pulling him out the door. "You always turn on the Texan when you get overtired. Let's go, cowboy. Bye, Charlie! Bella, I'll call you soon!"

I hung out at home for the rest of the day, playing poker with my dad and watching classics on ESPN. It was familiar and relaxing. I hadn't realized how much I missed this until I came back. Things at Charlie's house ran at their own pace, no need for planning or thinking. I spent that evening writing lazily, every once and a while flipping through the blank pages of Charlie's gift. It was so beautiful I felt guilty even thinking about writing in it. I wanted the words I scribbled there to be meaningful and special. Unfortunately, so far I was coming up empty.

When I got back to Seattle the following evening, my immediate inclination was to call Edward and see if he wanted to meet up, for coffee, dinner, drinks, _anything_. I had been thinking about him almost constantly since Christmas Eve. To tell the truth, I wanted to reassure myself that he was, in fact, more than just a figment of my imagination.

Unfortunately, I had forgotten about the yuletide mess that covered every surface in my apartment, courtesy of Alice. Sighing, I started clearing the living room, making piles of things that could be saved and tossing the rest indiscriminately in a large trash bag.

Two hours later, I was sweaty, cranky and fed up with my best friend's apparent need to hide decorations in every nook and cranny she could find. _How the hell had she managed to create this much of a disaster in one day? _ I had just unearthed a shiny Christmas bauble from behind my desk when my phone rang. I chucked the ornament into my trash bag and flipped it open without checking who was calling.

"Hello?" I snapped into the phone.

There was no answer. I exhaled loudly, waited a beat, and then repeated myself. "Hello? Who is this?"

"Bella?" Edward's voice, tentative and low, wavered on the other end of the line.

My heart sunk. _Shit. He actually calls me and I come off like a psycho bitch._ I tried to collect myself before the panic could set in completely. Unfortunately, I appeared to have forgotten how to speak.

"It's Edward. Ahhhh, listen, if this is a bad time, I can call you back later," he said quickly. "Or you could call me, whichever—"

"Edward, hi," I interrupted him before he could work himself up into a nervous lather. I cleared my throat, just to confirm that I had regained control over my vocal chords.

"Sorry about that, I've been cleaning the Christmas out of my apartment and it sucked all the joy right out of my holiday," I joked weakly. _God, I sound like an idiot. _

Edward laughed softly and a little too long, considering how stupid I sounded. An awful thought occurred to me. What if he was laughing me because I sounded totally pathetic? Or crazy?

I waited, breath stopped in my chest, for him to say something. After a couple of awkward moments, I gave up.

"Um, Edward? Did you want something?"

"What? Oh, yeah," he sounded startled, like I had interrupted a daydream. "I was calling to see if you were back in town yet," he said. "I thought maybe we could grab a drink or something." He spoke slowly, hesitantly, as if he thought I would snap at him again or tell him to go jump off a cliff.

"You, Edward Cullen, are a godsend. I have to get out of this apartment," I tried to sound as happy and normal as possible. I couldn't risk scaring him away before our date on New Year's.

"Really? Wow! Great, I'll pick you up in 20 minutes, is that OK?"

I laughed at his sudden enthusiasm. Was getting drinks with me really that exciting? _He must not get out much._

"I'll just throw on a different shirt and I'll be ready to go."

"Sounds wonderful. See you soon," he replied.

I said goodbye and ran to my room, throwing open my closet door and letting out another exasperated groan. Alice had ransacked my closet before we left and I had never fixed it. There was no way I would find anything in that mess, and what I did find was sure to be wrinkled beyond quick repair. Then I remembered the red top she had packed for me. I hadn't worn it while I was home, but it would perfect for tonight.

I pulled the shirt on and hurried to the bathroom. I only had ten minutes left before Edward showed up, and I needed to look fabulous. I frowned into my bathroom mirror for a second, and then decided the only way to salvage my hair was a messy bun. I also put on some eye shadow and applied lip gloss. Voluntary makeup… I almost felt like I should call Rosalie or Alice. They would both be so proud of me.

I was packing and repacking my purse when there was a knock on my door. I checked my phone. Edward wasn't supposed to be here for another five minutes. I looked out of my peephole, just in case it was another unwelcome visitor.

Edward stood on the other side of my door, shifting from foot to foot and rumpling his hair compulsively. He was wearing a black t-shirt under a green sweater and dark jeans. He looked casual and cool. It wasn't going to be easy to keep my hands to myself this evening.

I opened the door with a big smile on my face. "Hey. You're early."

He returned my smile, white teeth flashing. Wow. I sighed happily and grabbed my keys and purse.

"Where are we going?" I asked, unable to wipe the grin off my face.

"There's a bar not too far from here that has live music, there's a jazz band there tonight," he said, watching me carefully. "Does that sound OK?"

"That sounds perfect," I said enthusiastically. He offered me his arm, and I slipped my hand through the crook of his elbow. We walked in comfortable silence to his car. He opened the door for me, waiting until I was inside before he shut my door and walked around to his side.

The bar wasn't too crowded, and the band was warming up on stage. I grabbed a table while Edward went to get us a round of beer. While I waited I entertained myself by picturing what was underneath his snug sweater. I was pulled out of my stupor by a loud voice.

"Hey, don't I know you?" I looked up to see a tall, dark haired man staring down at me. He looked slightly familiar, but I was having problems placing him.

"We met at Wild Onion the other night," he prompted me. "You were there with some friends?"

Now I remembered. Tall, dark and handsome had bought me a couple of rounds and hit on me for a half hour that night. He was standing a little too close to me now, leaning into my table. _Warning, Will Robinson. DANGER!_ My mental lights and sirens kicked in when he pulled up a chair and sat next to me. I needed to get rid of this guy, fast.

"I'm actually here with someone," I said coldly. My tone didn't seem to register with him. He smiled goofily and swiveled his head around.

"Oh yeah? Your hot blonde friend I hope," he said.

A strong arm wrapped around my shoulders, and two beers appeared in front of me.

"Who's your friend, sweetheart?" Edward's smooth voice purred in my ear, loud enough for my unwelcome visitor to hear. I turned to look at him and was surprised to see the face I was beginning to associate with life threatening situations. His soft green eyes glinted in the dim bar lights, slightly narrowed. His jaw was clenched and his shoulders were squared and thrown back.

"I actually didn't catch his name," I said quickly, trying to reassure him. "He was just leaving." I raised my eyebrows in the direction of the man, who was staring slack-jawed at Edward. He stumbled out of his chair and backed away slowly.

"Uh, well, bye," he muttered under his breath before turning and weaving his way through the growing crowd. Edward didn't remove his arm, nor did he relax his stance, until the man disappeared.

"I can't leave you alone for five minutes without some man propositioning you," Edward said, smiling. I couldn't tell if he was kidding. The glint in his eyes made me think he was at least half-serious.

"Don't worry, the caveman act scared him away," I replied, taking a drink. "He was hardly propositioning me. I met him when I was out with Alice and Rosalie the other night. When I told him I was here with someone he asked if it was my 'hot blonde friend.'"

He lifted his perfect eyebrows in disbelief. "Bella, you're absolutely stunning. I doubt if, even with Rose around, any man would look past you. I'm certain that if I wasn't here he would have been angling to take you home later."

I looked at him skeptically, but he was completely serious. He actually believed what he was saying. I felt a familiar heat creeping up my neck and cheeks. Jake told me I was beautiful all the time, but it felt different when Edward said it.

Sensing I was uncomfortable, he changed the subject. "So, how was your Christmas? Did you do anything special?"

It was an innocuous subject, "what I did on Christmas vacation", but I tensed. Jake's sobbing figure flashed in front of my eyes. I didn't want to hide anything from Edward, but he wouldn't be happy if I told him that I had sought out the man he had pulled off of me just days earlier. We didn't know each other that well, but I did know that I hadn't been too far off with my superhero assessment. Edward was a protector; that was his driving force. He seemed especially protective of _me_, for reasons I had yet to fathom.

Of course, he was also incredibly good at reading my facial expressions.

"Bella? What's wrong?" When I didn't answer, he sighed in frustration, reaching a hand up to his hair. "I wish I could read your mind," he muttered, so low I almost didn't hear it.

"Tell me, please?" he said, louder this time. His eyes were wide and deep, staring into mine like I was the only person in the room. The corners of his mouth turned up slightly, the beginnings of a smile. I blushed deeper and looked down, breaking eye contact.

"You'll be mad at me," I said quietly.

"I can't imagine being mad at you," he said quickly, reassuringly. When I didn't speak again, he reached out and took my chin in his hand, tilting my head up to meet his stare again. His forehead was creased in frustration, and his lips turned out in a tiny pout. It was the pout that broke me. I couldn't handle looking at his lips anymore. I cracked; I blame my irrationally charged hormones for what I said next.

"You have a very nice mouth." The words were out before I could stop them. _Oh God. Ohgodohgodohgod. _At this rate, I was never going to return to a normal color. I had finally blushed so hard that it would stick forever.

"Don't change the subject," was his only response. He looked a little startled, and more than a little pleased about my comment.

"It wasn't intentional," I stammered. At least he wasn't disgusted or annoyed. He must get women throwing themselves at him all the time. I'm sure hardly a day passed without something like this happening.

"We can talk about my mouth later," he said, laughing a little. "Although I have to tell you I think your lips have mine beat by a long shot." He let his hand drop from my face, sighing quietly. My stomach twisted when he mentioned my lips and his in the same sentence. "Tell me. It's driving me crazy not to know. Did something bad happen while you were home?"

"Fine, you win," I gave up. It was clear he wasn't going to drop this. "I went to see Jake."

The color drained off his face and his smile disappeared.

"You…you what? Why would you go near him again? Are you…" He couldn't finish his sentence he was so upset. I had steeled myself for anger, but the look on his face was far worse. He looked devastated. I reached out to him, grabbing the hand that rested on our table and running my thumb back and forth over his knuckles.

"We had some things we needed to talk about," I paused, trying to decide how much I should tell him. "We were together for a long time, almost four years. We broke up for a bunch of reasons, the biggest being that he cheated on me last week and I walked in on it. I had to talk to him about it."

Edward didn't say anything, just stared at our hands. Suddenly, he brought his other hand up, encased my hand between both of his and looked me in the eye.

"I'm so sorry. I should have hit him harder." There wasn't a hint of humor in his voice.

I let out a shaky laugh. "Well, I'm not saying he wouldn't have deserved it, but I'm glad you didn't."

"You're not…" he stopped. Taking a deep breath, he spoke quickly, like he was afraid of losing his nerve. "You're not back together with him, are you?" As soon as he got the sentence out he cringed.

"No! No, of course not," I said, surprised. "Actually, before he cheated on me I was planning on breaking up with him anyway. We've been growing apart. The cheating was just the straw that broke my back."

He let out a big gust of air when I answered and smiled at me.

"You deserve so much more than that, Bella," he said sweetly. "I know we just met, but I think you're amazing. You're beautiful and smart and caring and kind. You're funny and unpredictable. Every time I talk to you I just want to know more about you. That day at the diner was one of the best days of my life. Period. Until it ended with a trip to the E.R., of course." Now _he_ was blushing, which I found strangely adorable. He bit his bottom lip and looked up at me, clearly a little embarrassed by his outburst.

"I just can't believe that _you_ would be here with _me_," he finished quietly.

It was such a ridiculous statement that I couldn't even begin to formulate a response. I just gaped at him for a minute, completely baffled. My silence seemed to make Edward uncomfortable. He shifted in his seat and stared down at his hands again.

"Seriously?" I managed finally, with a snort. "Are you trying to say you think I'm out of your league?" The thought was so funny, I couldn't stop my giggles. He looked up, finally, still embarrassed and a little annoyed. Great, moody Edward was back.

"I'm not laughing at you," I said, still giggling a little. "Well, maybe I am a little, but only because that's such a ridiculous thing to say. Why on Earth would you think that?"

"Because it's true," he snapped. How had he gone from romantic and sickeningly cute to irritable so quickly? I stopped laughing and frowned at him.

"The mood swings are getting old, Edward," I snapped right back. "I don't know what the hell your problem is, but if you really want to get to know me you should probably try to cover up how annoying you find me."

That seemed to surprise him. He stared for a second, opening and closing his mouth. "What are you talking about?"

"I'm talking about how you can't seem to decide whether you like me or I drive you crazy!" I blurted out, exasperated. He had to be joking. "Every time I see you, you have at least one bizarre mood swing. When I first saw you in Café Amore, you rolled your eyes at me and looked irritated before storming out of the place…which I guess is normal behavior for catching a crazy person staring at you, but then at dinner you acted like you thought the whole thing was funny! Later, when you saw me with Alice, you seemed happy enough to see me, but then you got all distant and left. Again. Ugh, and then at the bowling alley, I thought you were going to punch Jasper when we came in, followed by several hours of shameless flirting! Now you're pulling all this, 'Bella, you're so wonderful' crap right before _yelling_ at me!"

Abruptly, I ran out of steam. I was breathing heavily, eyes filling slowly with angry tears. Edward had continued to stare at me in complete confusion during my rant, his eyes getting wider and wider as I showed no signs of slowing. When it became obvious that I was done speaking, he cleared his throat and blinked a couple of times.

"Wow," he said. "That was… you have quite a temper, don't you?" He flashed a debilitating crooked smile at me that almost made me forget how mad I was. Almost.

"Don't change the subject," I threw back his line from earlier. He had sense enough to look a little sheepish.

He sighed quietly. "Fine. You're right. I'm an asshole. Happy?"

He looked sad again, and broken. That wasn't right. Superheroes don't break. I reached out for his hands and tugged gently until he looked at me.

"You're not an asshole. I just wondered why is all." He grimaced.

"I really am sorry. I didn't think you noticed all that." He was speaking so quietly it was hard to hear him over the band. "That first night, I watched you when you came in. You looked so sad, but kind of hopeful too. When you sat in that booth I had to concentrate on _not _looking at you."

Huh. That was brand new information.

"I rolled my eyes and 'stormed out'," he finger quoted, getting louder and adding a tinge of sarcasm to his voice, "Because I couldn't believe that I was so worked up about a girl who was so beautiful she couldn't possibly be looking at me. When you came to dinner, and I found out that not only were you actually looking at me but you _saw_ me, really saw who I am…" He trailed off, staring over my shoulder. I squeezed his hand and raised my eyebrows, indicating he should continue. Now that he had started, I was fascinated. What else didn't I know?

"I went back to that café hoping to see you. The night that you were there with Alice, I was overjoyed, but you looked so sad again. It seemed like you liked me, I mean, you had even mentioned me to your best friend! But then you got distant and I could tell you didn't really want me to stick around. So I left. Again."

Seeing our encounters through Edward's eyes was interesting, even if he did have it all wrong. For someone so mind-numbingly gorgeous he sure had low self-esteem.

"And as for the bowling alley, well, that was simple jealousy," he sighed, squeezing my fingers lightly. "I had to sit through that whole dinner, thinking about how wonderful you are, with that jackass's hands all over you. Then seeing you with a different guy, hugging him, looking so happy and safe... It tore me up. I wanted to be that guy."

He sighed again , running a hand through his messy-beyond-repair hair and spoke one more time.

"But I'm not that guy, Bella. I'm a workaholic and I have next to no experience with women. I'm not smooth, I'm not charming. I'm not a superhero. I'm just Edward."

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**Author's Note: Ooooh Angstward makes an appearance. Silly boy... who is he trying to kid? Reviews make me happy :)**


	14. Chapter 14

_Just_ Edward? Really? Edward on a bad day could beat out most of the guys I knew on a perfect day. This just kept getting more ridiculous.

"Edward, can we just relax for a minute please?" I asked, trying to figure out how to dispel some of his insecurities and direct our conversation back to more suitable topics…like his lips. He didn't look like he wanted to cooperate though. After announcing that he was inadequate, he had looked away from me and continued to be completely dejected.

"For crying out loud, Edward. You're on a date with a cute girl! Buck up! Flirt with me. Buy me a drink. Maybe later I'll kiss you goodnight," I laughed a little. Like there was a chance I wouldn't try to kiss him tonight. "Lighten up, kid. I like you."

A smile flickered across his face as he shot a sideways glance at me.

"You like me, huh? Does that have anything to do with my 'nice mouth'?" He shot a bigger smile at me now, his green eyes crinkling as he held back a laugh.

"Maybe." I winked at him. I, Bella Swan, just winked at an attractive man. I was practically a whole new person.

He leaned in, eyes inches from mine, and whispered, "This bar is suddenly very crowded. Feel like taking a walk with me?"

For a minute, I didn't even process his words. I just stared at those gold-flecked irises and thought about all the things I wanted to do to Edward Cullen. Then I realized he was waiting for an answer.

"Yes," I said, exhaling the word in a breathy sigh.

He kept my hand in his and weaved his way through the bar to the door. We strolled hand and hand down the street toward his car. The cold night air hit me hard, and I shivered.

"Are you cold?" he murmured into my ear, still speaking low and soft. I nodded, teeth chattering.

He smirked and wrapped his arms around me, running his hands up and down my arms to create friction. I closed my eyes and inhaled, just enjoying the feel of his hands. I wasn't positive this was actually happening, but even if it was just the start of a really good dream, I didn't want it to stop.

"Is this ok?" he asked. My eyes fluttered open and I smiled lazily.

"Yes, but it's cold out here. Maybe we could go back to my place for some hot chocolate?" _And then I can undress you and have my wicked way with you._

He held my hand all the way back to my apartment, twice raising it to his lips and kissing it softly. After the second time I scolded him.

"I don't know who you think you are, telling poor defenseless women that you don't know anything about girls. Seriously? You're just about the smoothest charmer I've ever met." He laughed, and then I remembered something.

"Except on the phone. If I only knew you from the phone, I would completely agree with everything you said about your skills." I laughed along with him, remembering his disastrous voicemail. "'Oh God, if this isn't Bella, please don't call me back!'"

He rolled his eyes, pulling up to the curb and letting go of my hand with a playful shove. "I was exhausted from all the saving lives and such. I was delirious with sleep deprivation." I didn't miss the fact that he blushed while he made his excuse, fumbling a little with the door to his car as he locked up.

He followed me into my building, walking silently next to me. I snuck a few glances at him as we walked, trying to gauge his mood. One hand had taken up permanent residence in his hair, the other was swinging awkwardly at his side, fingers twitching.

I unlocked my door and walked in, holding it open for him. He hesitated, all his earlier confidence gone.

"Seriously, Edward, I don't bite. And I make some mean hot chocolate. You'll never want to drink that powdered crap again." I tried to smile alluringly, but I must have done it wrong because he looked even more uncomfortable. Sighing, I grabbed his hand and towed him in, closing the door behind him.

I left him standing there and went into the kitchen, pulling out the hot chocolate fixings and a sauce pan. While I poured and stirred, I heard him walk up behind me. I turned to see him standing there, smiling crookedly. "Can I help you, Mr. Cullen?" I asked archly.

"Nope, I just wanted to see the magic happen," he teased. He chewed on his lip for a second. "Listen, I know I probably sounded like a total asshat at the bar. I haven't really dated since my first couple of years in college, and, well, I don't know." He shrugged helplessly.

"You make me all nervous and flustered and tingly, but I'm still so comfortable around you that …" The color drained from his face suddenly, and he buried his face in his hands. "Sorry, my brain just caught up with my mouth. Did I actually just tell you that you make me tingly?"

I tried not to laugh, but it was too much. I turned the burner off and grabbed a couple of mugs, chuckling as I poured out the hot chocolate. "Yes, but it was cute. Don't worry about it."

He groaned into his hands, shaking his head and muttering under his breath.

I sighed and held out his mug, waving it slowly in front of his nose.

"Come on, Romeo. Take the chocolate and come sit with me."

He surrendered, smiling sheepishly and grabbing the mug. We sat down next to each other on the couch. It was hard not to think about the last time we had been on this couch together…his arms wrapped around me, our legs tangled together. My face was pressed up to his incredible chest.

"Bella?"

Shit. Was he talking to me? _Quick, say something clever._

"What?" _OK, that wasn't quite what I meant by clever. _

"I was just saying that this is the best hot chocolate I've ever tasted. What's in it?"

"Oh no, Cullen. Old family secret. My Granny Marie taught me and gave me strict instructions to only pass on the recipe to my daughter. Are you my daughter?"

He pretended to think about it for a second, looking himself over. Then he set down his drink and leaned towards me, draping his arm over my shoulder and staring into my eyes. "I certainly hope I'm not related to you in any way, Miss Swan."

I giggled. I couldn't help it. I was having a hard time bouncing between the Edward who was endearingly nervous and slightly awkward and the Edward who made my head spin and my breath catch in my chest. He groaned and pulled away.

"I totally ruined the mood with the verbal diarrhea didn't I?"

"No, no, you're just…" I tried to find a way to tell him how cute he was without damaging his already bruised ego. "You're trying a little hard. I'll make it easier for you, Edward."

He looked up expectantly. When he looked at me like that, I got this crazy urge to offer him anything and everything he wanted. His eyes were disarming, but that wasn't what did it. Everything about him pulled me in, promising me trust and safety and all kinds of impossible things.

"I feel the same way," I said softly, maintaining eye contact as I set down my own chocolate and scooted closer to him. "You make me feel all those things." I grabbed his hand and ran my fingers over his palm. "Nervous." I trailed my fingers up his forearm and he shuddered a little. "Flustered." I moved my other hand to his hair, marveling at how soft it was. He closed his eyes, breathing faster. I couldn't believe how bold I was acting. I leaned in until our noses touched. "Tingly."

For one painful, endless moment, he hesitated. Then his lips were on mine and both my hands were in his hair. His hands flew to my face, fingers tracing my cheekbones and then moving up into my hair. I have no idea how long we sat like that, faces locked together and holding on for dear life. Our lips moved effortlessly together. If just being close to Edward made me feel "tingly", then kissing him was nothing short of electrifying. Eventually, we broke apart, gasping for breath.

His hair stuck up in chunks where I had held on, and he was breathing heavily. I'm sure I didn't look that much more put together. We stared at each other, beaming matching smiles.

"Wow." His voice was hoarse, and his eyes widened in surprise.

"I'll say," I agreed shakily. Kissing Jacob had never been like that. Don't get me wrong, Jake was no slouch in the bedroom, and he always knew how to turn me on. But with Edward, there was no trying involved. There was only heat, electricity, and raw attraction.

He reached up, running his fingers through my hair again. I shivered, sparks of remembered heat flashing through my body. He pulled me closer, my hands automatically bracing against his chest.

"Bella," he breathed, kissing me softly before moving his lips to my cheeks. I closed my eyes and let the sensation take me over. Gentle kisses covered my eyes, my forehead, and my chin. He tugged my earlobe with his teeth, running his tongue lightly over the shell of my ear and breathing heavily. Hearing how turned on he was, how hard he was breathing, just made me want him more.

I groaned in frustration, pulling him back to my face and kissing him firmly. I traced his lips with my tongue, smiling to myself when he gasped and opened his mouth in response. He wrapped his arms around my waist, tackling me and pushing me flat on my back. I squealed as he ran his hands over the sensitive spots near my hips. Sensing my weakness, he tickled my sides lightly with his fingertips until I broke away, laughing hysterically and protesting with as much breath as I could.

"Stop! Stop!" I gasped, "Uncle! You win!" I twisted out of his hands and fell sideways off the couch. "Oof!"

In a flash, he was beside me. "Bella?" his panicked voice was in my ear, breath still coming in quiet gasps. "Shit! Are you OK?"

I sat up, slightly dazed and laughing a little. "I'm fine. Terminally clumsy, remember? All in a day's work, my friend."

He smiled, gripping my hand firmly and tugging me to my feet. "Only you could manage to get hurt while kissing."

"I'm going to use an instant replay here. Judges say? No, sorry, Edward. That was a tickling induced injury."

He poked me swiftly in the side, grinning crookedly. "Whatever lets you sleep at night, babe."

I grabbed our forgotten hot chocolate and walked back to the kitchen. Suddenly I was full of pent up energy, and I had no idea what to do with myself. The moment for kissing had passed with my klutzy moment, and I was hyper aware of how close Edward was standing.

He stood in the doorway, shifting from foot to foot as he watched me scrub the mugs clean in my sink. When I heard him sigh quietly, I looked up.

"I'm sorry," I said quietly, putting my mug in the drying rack next to the sink. "When I get anxious I clean. It's kind of anal, but it gives me something to do with my hands. I didn't mean to start ignoring you."

He smiled brightly, shaking his head slightly. "I wasn't sighing because you were ignoring me. I was sighing because it's later than I thought it was and I have to get going. Work's going to be intense for the next couple of days, so I won't be able to see you until our date on New Year's Eve. I'm going to miss you."

He looked a little embarrassed about admitting he would miss me, but I understood completely. I smiled at him reassuringly.

"I'll miss you, too." I reached out and grabbed his hand, swinging it lightly and leaning into the door jamb next to him. "Where are we going for New Year's anyway?"

"I thought we'd go out with Emmett and Rosalie," he said. He stared at our hands, weaving his long fingers through mine. "Emmett has some VIP passes for the party at Full Moon."

I looked blankly at him. "Full Moon? What's that?"

He laughed, blushing a little. "Yeah, I have no idea. I've never been there, no social life and all. Apparently it's a pretty popular night spot, and they've always got a really great New Year's party. At least, that's what Emmett tells me. Is that OK?"

"Of course! Night clubs aren't really my thing either, but I've been friends with Alice and Rosalie long enough that I know how to enjoy myself at one." I grinned slyly. "I'll show you my very best moves on the dance floor."

"Should I wear steel toed boots?" he teased, clearly enjoying my flirting. I laughed, apparently I wasn't the only observant one.

"Probably," I said ruefully. "Jake always made me dance on his feet, he said if I was going to step on him anyway I may as well enjoy it."

"I think my feet can handle it," he chuckled. I noticed his shoulders tensed at Jake's name, but he seemed to recognize that it was a harmless reference. Besides, he had to realize what a huge part of my life Jake was. It was inevitable that I would talk about him. Edward didn't strike me as the jealous type.

"OK, well if you've got to save lives later I should probably let you go," I heaved a huge sigh and hugged him tightly. He hugged me back, running his hands down my back and inhaling deeply. _Is he smelling my hair?_

"Can I call you later?" he asked shyly.

"You can call me whenever you want to," I said, squeezing him a little tighter before letting him go reluctantly. He kissed my forehead and then walked with me to the door. We stood there for a second, staring each other down in my hallway, before he reached his hand up to my face. Just like he had the other night, he brushed his fingers over my forehead, smoothing my hair back. "Goodnight, Bella."

"Goodnight." I could barely get the word out. His touch had an unprecedented affect on me; I went from sane and normal to hormonally crazed the second his fingers brushed against my skin. I watched him go before closing the door softly and dropping to the floor. I just sat there for a minute, leaning against my door and focusing on taking deep steadying breaths.

Being around Edward put me in some kind of weird high. I couldn't get enough. I wanted to breathe in his scent and touch his soft skin and stare into his deep green eyes and marvel at the feel of his lips on mine. I was quickly becoming an addict, and I didn't mind one bit.

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**Author's Note: Awkward Edward strikes again! I love that boy. Next up: New Year's Eve. Leave me some reviews, I love those things :)**


	15. Chapter 15

**New Year's Eve...and a little dose of lemonade!**

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I spent the next few days locked in a creative fever. I barely slept, and I only stopped to make ramen or mix another pitcher of iced tea. I worked on my superhero story, but I also pulled up several older stories and reworked them.

When I was a teenager, I often experienced bouts like these… frenzied outbursts of creativity. They would hit at odd times, and I would find myself up for hours at a time, late into the night, scribbling away at some story or poem. I dabbled in drawing and poetry, but I was always most prolific when I wrote fiction.

As an adult, the fever hit less often. I wondered to myself now, as I rode the strange Edward-high after our kiss, if the creativity was somehow remotely connected to my hormones. I tried to remember whether I had been this productive at the beginning of my relationship with Jacob. The stories I saved from that period were bubbly but still refined and self-contained. I could tell, just by reading them, how old I had been when I wrote them. They held all the optimism of a young girl on the edge of discovery. A place for everything and everything in its place. I was beginning to realize that life couldn't be shelved in neat little boxes. For all my planning, I couldn't factor in Jacob's infidelity, or the way Edward made me feel.

Instead, life now seemed to be duplicitous and uncertain. Every situation could be looked at in endlessly different ways. There were no more neat little boxes. Edward's story began taking on a different flavor. My unwilling hero became a man who never thought he was good enough despite his obvious gifts. His nemesis was just a woman, one who had tried to love and lost. Her intentions were good in the beginning, but the hurt and betrayal she felt when her best friend and lover abandoned her changed her forever. And my heroine? She was lost in a world of impossibility, trying to keep up with powers and events she couldn't even begin to fathom. Being locked in this super-world had an effect on her though, and I suspected that before too long she would be able to start saving herself.

I was so wrapped up in my writing that it came as a complete surprise when Rosalie knocked on my door New Year's Eve day. She had two garment bags slung over one shoulder and a bright pink duffel bag on the other.

"Damn, Bella, how much sleep did you get last night?" she asked, glaring at me as she swept into my apartment.

"Uhhh, I don't know. I haven' t really been keeping track," I said honestly. "I've just kind of been sleeping when I feel like it and writing when I don't." I shrugged.

"Bella, appearances are very important early in a relationship!"she protested. "You have to get them good and reeled in before you start looking like you haven't had a good night's sleep in eight years." She sighed dramatically. "No wonder Alice told me to get here so early. You need all the help you can get."

I glared back at her. "Pfft. Relationship, right. I can't believe Alice sent you over here, it's not like I need a babysitter. Besides, Edward likes me just the way I am! "

"Oh of course he does sweetie. But don't you think he'll also like you all dressed up and looking like you just walked off the runway? Trust me. This won't hurt a bit."

Like the sucker I am, I let her con me into a facial and a hair wrap. Once I had showered and shaved my legs, I collapsed into a kitchen chair and let Rose play with my hair. That was relaxing enough that I was able to nap through most of the ordeal. My hair is incredibly thick and long, so it took her about two and a half hours to curl, twist, and fasten it into an elaborate up-do.

"Rosalieeee," I whined. "We're going to a night club. This is too fancy."

"Nonsense." She rolled her eyes at me. "With what you'll be wearing, it's perfect."

Shit. I had completely forgotten about the outfit I'd be wearing tonight. Of course Alice wouldn't let me wear something from my own closet. Apparently even being clear across the country couldn't save me from Alice's need to shop for me. She had sent her minion to carry out her work instead.

Grumbling under my breath I grabbed the garment bag that Rose handed me. A post-it note was attached to the hanger.

_**Bella-**_

_**Don't be difficult. I designed this one myself, and it will look DAZZLING on you. I'm trusting Rose to make sure you don't do something stupid like spill champagne on it or rip a seam. Be good, and remember what I said. It's all about confidence.**_

_**Love, Alice**_

Taking deep calming breaths, I unzipped the bag, eyeing the shiny deep green silk cautiously. Even I had to admit, it was a beautiful dress. The silk flowed in rippling lines from a corset-like bodice. From the looks of it, the hem would stop at my knees. The skirt wasn't too full, but it had a nice sway to it, giving me plenty of room to move around. In a particularly giving gesture, Alice had kindly matched the dress with a pretty pair of green flats, which would dramatically reduce my chances of tripping, falling, or making a complete fool out of myself.

Rosalie helped me into my dress, making sure my hair wasn't damaged in the process. After she put on her own dress, we did our make up together, singing along to a playlist I had had since college. Alice and I used to get ready for parties like this, dancing by ourselves in our dorm room and later in our apartment. I was a lousy dancer, but Alice and I were experts in silliness.

"Oh my God, Bella, I can't believe you have Backstreet Boys and *NSYNC on the same playlist," Rosalie laughed. "Isn't that kind of sacrilegious?"

"A party isn't a party until you've whipped out _Backstreet's Back_ and _Bye Bye Bye_," I said seriously. "I speak the truth."

"I'm sure you do," she said sarcastically, flipping open her phone. "I'm going to call Emmett to let the guys know we're ready to go."

Fifteen minutes later, a loud knock sounded at my door.

"Special delivery for Ms. Swan and Ms. Hale!" Emmett's voice boomed out from behind the door.

I wrenched it open as fast as I could, ready to scold him, but I was stopped dead in my tracks by Edward. He was beyond words. Seriously. There were no words. He had obviously taken some time to tame his hair, because instead of being its normal out of control messy, it was artfully disheveled. He wore a mint green button down shirt with a dark green tie that matched the silk of my dress. Shiny black dress shoes peeped out underneath a pair of perfectly fit black slacks.

I realized that I was ogling when Edward cleared his throat. I met his gaze, flushing my normal shade of bright red, and I swear I almost lost it. His smoldering, soft green eyes took in all of me. I felt like I was naked and under a microscope, and it wasn't an altogether unpleasant feeling.

"Ready to go?" Emmett's voice broke into my Edward-induced stupor. I smiled sweetly, grabbed my purse and coat, and walked out with Rosalie.

"You look…exquisite," Edward breathed into my ear. I shivered slightly as I felt his warm hand press into the small of my back, the heat searing through the thin silk of my dress. I briefly imagined what his hand would feel like pressed against my bare skin, but I shook that thought off before it could take root.

The club was packed, but Emmett had come through with the VIP passes, so we skipped the line and got into the slightly less crowded lounge area. Rosalie immediately bellied up to the bar, leaning over and flashing her cleavage to ensure fast service. Emmett stood there looking amused by the whole thing, laughing uproariously when Rosalie winked at the bartender and shimmied back to our table with a full tray of shots.

Edward looked from Rosalie to the tray in disbelief. "Are these all for us?" he asked.

"Edward, don't be such a baby," she said, grinning and taking a shot of bright pink something. "You're not working tonight, we can take a cab home, and it's New Year's Eve! Have some fun." She knocked back another shot, blue this time, and slid two more across the table to Edward and me. He looked uncomfortable.

"I think I'm going to DD this evening," he told me quietly. "I don't feel good about putting you in a cab."

I pouted a little. I had counted on the alcohol loosening both of us up, letting him relax and focus less on his insecurities and helping me man up and give that whole kissing thing another go. "Please Edward? You can have a few drinks now and then sober up later. We'll be here for hours," I pleaded. It was early yet, not even 10 p.m.

He hesitated, then grabbed the shot in front of him. "One shot. That's it," he said firmly.

I beamed at him. "Bottoms up!"

*****

Two hours and seven shots each later, Edward and I were wrapped around each other on the dance floor. I had insisted that we escape our table when Rosalie and Emmett started making out and groping each other. I blame them for the last three shots; my poor eyes will never be the same. Edward had given up his idea of DDing after I had conned him into the second shot, and was now insisting that I was not to go anywhere without him.

"Ima protect you, Bella," he would say firmly every time I tried to walk away, swaying a little and tapping my lips with his forefinger. "You…you are precious."

You don't say shit like that to drunk, horny Bella. She'll jump your bones. Especially if your name is Edward Cullen.

With five minutes to go until midnight, I was no longer sure I cared about the big countdown. All that seemed to matter was the fact that Edward's hands were all over me, wandering down my back and around my hips, brushing against the sides of my breasts and lingering on my shoulders and neck. I pressed myself into him, swinging my hips along to the beat of whatever hip hop crap was blasting through the speakers. The music didn't matter. All that mattered was Edward.

He seemed to feel the same way. He stared at me like I was the only person in the room. He hadn't left my side for more than the two minutes it took me to pee about an hour after we arrived. I'd lost track of the number of times he'd told me how beautiful I was, how precious, how special.

I leaned into him, wrapping my arms around his neck and whispered into his ear. "I don't want to wait for midnight. Take me somewhere we can be alone."

He looked at me uncertainly, lifting his eyebrows in surprise. This would not do. Drunk, horny Bella does not tolerate insubordination. So I did the only thing that made sense. I pulled him closer and kissed him, biting his lips gently and kissing my way down his throat before he could react. I let my hands wander down to his butt and squeezed. He groaned, still moving his hips with mine along to the music.

He pulled away, no longer looking at all conflicted. "We should tell Em and Rose we're leaving," he mumbled before pulling me back and kissing me fiercely. I'm normally not into public displays of affection, but making out with Edward in the middle of a crowded club was _hot_. No other word for it.

I shook my head, pulling him toward the door and murmuring against his lips. "No, no," I said between kisses. "They won't miss us. Can't wait. Need you now, take me home."

That stopped him short. "Bella, I can't drive, and you definitely can't. How do you think we're going to get all the way back to your place? We'll never get a cab."

Drunk, horny Bella didn't even pause. "Where do you live?"

"God, you're a genius. I only live a few blocks away. Ten minute walk tops."

I didn't waste any time after that. We practically sprinted through the crowd to the lounge area. Rose and Emmett were still seated at our table, locked in a passionate embrace. Emmett's hand was up Rose's skirt and she was running her hands over his chest and arms, moaning into his mouth. Sober Bella would have been absolutely mortified. Drunk, horny Bella was kind of turned on.

We grabbed our coats and said our goodbyes to our friends. They didn't pause, but Emmett gave a kind of half-wave indicating that he had heard us before putting his hand back up Rose's skirt.

The air outside was biting cold. Normally I was hesitant about walking outside at night, especially after I'd been drinking, but Edward held me close to his side, fingering the loose curls that had fallen to my neck absently. We didn't speak until we reached a tall apartment building. It was beautiful, one of the brand new high rise complexes that had been built in the last couple of years. He pulled me into an elevator quickly, pinning me against the wall as soon as the door closed behind us.

A tiny part of me wondered if this was too much too soon, but it was vastly overshadowed by the part of me that had been mentally undressing him all night. We practically fell out of the elevator on the 18th floor, Edward pulling me down the hallway so quickly that I stumbled. He laughed, and before I could process what he was doing he scooped me up in his arms, sprinting the rest of the way down the hall.

"Put me down!" I shrieked, kicking out and laughing.

"Can't have you hurting yourself," he replied with a smirk. "Much too precious. Your feet can't be trusted."

I have no idea how he managed to get his door unlocked and opened while still holding me in his arms, but soon we were standing in the middle of a large living room, feverishly kissing. He set me on my feet, still kissing me while touching every patch of bare skin he could lay his hands on.

I went with it, fumbling with the buttons of his shirt while showering him with kisses. As soon as I got the buttons open, I tugged at the sleeves, dropping the offending piece of clothing on the floor. He was wearing a thin wife beater underneath, the muscles of his chest visible under the fabric. I ran my fingers done the perfect planes of his chest, then moved my arms around so I could feel his back. He had the sexiest shoulders, strong and broad but not overly muscular.

He pulled away suddenly when I ran my hands under the waistband of his slacks. His face was heated and flushed, and his eyes were wild. "Bella, I want this, but I think…"

I pulled him back before he could finish his sentence, silencing him with my mouth. I located the side zipper of my dress and pulled it off. The silk fell into a puddle at my feet, and I thanked God and Rosalie that I was wearing my matching black lace strapless bra and panty set. He pulled his face away from mine again.

"Bella, don't you think we should wait…" I grabbed his hand and put it on my chest, effectively stopping the conversation again. I wasn't thinking about anything but how much I wanted him, how much I needed him to touch me. I couldn't think about what he was trying to say.

He walked me slowly backwards, now running his hands all over my chest and stomach. We hit a wall, and he grabbed my wrists, pinning them above my head. He pulled away. The uncertain look from the club had returned.

"Can we talk about this for a second?" he pleaded, pouting a little bit. I groaned in frustration, trying to free myself. He refused to let go, keeping a safe distance from my lips. "I don't want this to be something you regret."

"Do you think you're going to regret it? Is that why you're stopping? You don't want me, do you?" My eyes filled up with tears.

His expression changed instantly from frustration to concern. He pulled me forward from the wall gently, holding me tight to his chest.

"Bella, I just want it to be special. We're both drunk and not thinking very clearly. Don't you think maybe it's a bit soon for this? God, you're so incredibly sexy, of course I want you! I don't want this to be about sex though."

Now I was confused. Why the hell wouldn't he want sex to be _about_ sex? He laughed at the expression on my face.

"Sweetheart, I care about you. Sex isn't something I take lightly. If and when it happens for us, I want it to be as special as you deserve…not a drunken encounter that neither of us fully remembers the next day."

He kissed me again, with less urgency than before, still gripping me tightly to his chest. It was sweet really, and what he said made a lot of sense. But drunk, horny Bella didn't want sweet, and she was feeling rejected and embarrassed. I was standing half naked in a gorgeous man's apartment, and he had just told me that he respected me too much to give in to my seduction. Or rather, what I'm sure were awkward and overbearing attempts at seduction.

Edward just rocked me slowly, one hand tangled in my hair and one hand on the small of my back, steadying me. It felt strangely like dancing, except our feet never moved.

"I'm sorry," I finally mumbled against his shoulder. "You must think I'm such an idiot."

He didn't say anything, just pulled me in for a searing kiss.

"You aren't an idiot. Arguably, _I_ am the idiot, but time will tell on that one. Do you want to get some sleep?"

I sighed and nodded. The alcohol combined with extreme embarrassment had drained me of all the energy I had when we arrived at Edward's apartment. He took my hand and led me down a hallway, stopping at the last door.

"This is my room," he said shyly. He pushed the door open, leading me inside. "Do you want a t-shirt to sleep in?"

I nodded, yawning and collapsing on the queen sized bed that took up most of the room. I heard the doors to his closet open, but I was too busy thinking about where I was right then to care much about what he was doing. The blankets, the pillows, everything smelled like him. It was spring and summer and rain and indescribably _Edward_. I sighed happily, burrowing under the covers and inhaling the scent that lingered on his pillows. I never heard him come back to bed.

*****

I woke up blinded by a ray of sunshine peeking through the curtains. I was snuggled up to Edward's bare chest, his arms wrapped firmly around me, face in my hair. I gave an experimental wiggle. He sighed happily.

In the light of day, my tears last night seemed ridiculous and childish. Edward didn't want to be a one night stand. He didn't want that for us… that had to mean something, right? What had he said? Something about wanting it to be _special_. My memories of what exactly happened were fuzzy at best, but the look on his face when he held me and rocked me stood out clearly. He cared about me. The thought warmed me, and I grinned into his chest.

_Time for a wake-up call, Edward. _

I planted a kiss on his collarbone. It was quick and light. He stirred slightly. I kissed him again, this time right under his chin. From there I drew a straight line down the center of his chest, massaging his lower back with my hands as I went. He yawned and pulled away slightly to look down at me, a wide smile plastered on his face.

"Good morning," he whispered, scooting down so that we were face to face. "How do you feel?"

I answered him with a kiss. It started off fairly chaste, but I wasn't able to contain myself for very long. I knotted my fingers in his hair, holding him as tightly as I could and surrendering to the moment. When I pulled away, he was still grinning.

"I take it you aren't hung over, then," he chuckled.

"No, but I do have to use the bathroom," I answered. "Point me in the right direction?"

"Straight down the hall on your left. You can't miss it."

I rolled out of bed, reluctantly leaving the warmth and comfort of his arms. I noticed that I was draped in a large t-shirt from a triathlon. _Figures. He's athletic too_. I was beginning to think there was nothing this man couldn't do.

After I used the bathroom, I explored his apartment a little more. Directly across from the bathroom was his kitchen. It didn't look like he used it much. I took a peek in his oven and grinned. He was using it for storage; pots and pans were piled haphazardly together on the racks. He did have a fairly impressive coffee maker though.

I wandered into his main living space. A baby grand piano was pushed against the windows. I hadn't even noticed it last night. A pile of staff paper was stacked on the bench. When I got closer, I saw that the notes were handwritten. These must be his compositions.

Pictures adorned the top of the piano. Most of them looked like family photos. In one, two teenage boys grinned on a beach flexing their muscles. Edward was instantly recognizable from his messy bronze hair, and the other boy had a mass of curly brown hair and mischievous dimples—Emmett. A more formal family picture was right next to that one, this one from the Cullen boys' younger years. Emmett was missing his front teeth and Edward wore his hair in a bowl cut. Their parents were gorgeous, not that I was surprised. Edward's mother had caramel colored hair that waved around her shoulders. Her green eyes were identical to her youngest son's, and her smile was bright and kind. His father was blonde and fair, with blue eyes that matched Emmett's.

I turned to the last picture on the piano and froze. It was more recent, obviously taken in the last couple of years. Again, Emmett and Edward grinned out of the frame, this time arm and arm with two women. Next to Emmett was a petite blonde, her hair straight and almost white, hanging down to her waist. But my eyes were focused on the girl to Edward's right… she was breathtaking, and horribly familiar. She was laughing, and staring fondly up at Edward, a cloud of strawberry blonde hair framing her perfect face.

Tanya.

* * *

**Author's Note: I know, I know, I'm a horrible person leaving you with such an evil cliffie! Sorry, updates are going to be slower now, I'll have the next chapter for you next weekend. I have my first year law school finals coming up and a lot of studying to do! I promise, at least one chapter a week, but this is all you get for now. Leave me your predictions, comments, reviews! You know how I love those :)**


	16. Chapter 16

I sat on the piano bench, staring at her. You know that expression "seeing red?" True story. The edges of my vision clouded in a red haze. I was so angry. How dare she? How dare she pop my Edward bubble and shove her stupid, perfect, laughing face back into my life? I pushed the photo face down so I wouldn't have to look at her any more.

Just as suddenly as the rage had surged up, it fell away. I had no right to be angry. I wasn't in a relationship with Edward. I knew next to nothing about his family, his ex-girlfriends, or his past. What was I doing here? I sighed heavily, resting my forehead on the piano keys. Soft, discordant notes chimed. This was such a bad idea. I genuinely liked Edward, but I was coming off a serious break-up. I had no business taking off my clothes in front of him and kissing him, and I certainly shouldn't be sleeping in his bed.

Residual guilt and anger filled me up, making me slightly nauseous. _Stupid, stupid, stupid_. A light touch on my shoulder made me look up.

"Bella? Are you hung over after all?" Edward's concerned face stared down at me, forehead creased with worry. I didn't say anything, just glared at him. Couldn't he see I was in the middle of a crisis of conscience? He pulled back immediately, taking his hand off my shoulder like I had burned him.

"What's wrong?"

"I can't believe you're asking me that," I huffed, standing up and storming to the middle of the room where my dress still lay on the floor. I grabbed it and rushed to the bathroom, determined to get dressed and flee the scene as quickly as possible, preferably before he could smile, laugh, or speak again. _Stupid handsome Dr. McDoMe superhero fantasies._

I had no idea how to get back into that stupid dress. It was easy enough to get out of, but it was just tight enough, even with the zipper all the way open, that it got caught around my shoulders when I tried to pull it over my head. I struggled with it for at least five minutes, determined that I would not ask for help. I finally got it on and zippered, and was left with the unfortunate dilemma of having to walk back out past him to leave. I would have to be cold. I would make it clear that I was not interested in a relationship and that he was better off without me. Remembering his happy grin this morning, I winced. I would hurt him, that much was certain. _Better now than later._

I pushed open the bathroom door, padding quietly down the hall toward the main room. Edward sat on the piano bench, fingers caressing the keys. Hand-marked staff paper was spread out on the instrument's music stand, but he didn't appear to be looking at it. A sweet tune drifted towards me. It sounded faintly familiar. After a second I realized it was the song Edward had hummed to me the night he rescued me from Jacob. He wrote it. Playing his music in the morning light, shirtless and focused, he looked otherworldly. My resolve faltered, just as he brought the song to its final, wavering note.

I crept into the living room, still watching his every move. He had just noticed the picture frame sitting face down in front of him. Before he could pick it up or think about it too hard, I cleared my throat. He whipped around, eyes narrowing as he realized that I was dressed and ready to leave.

"What's going on, Bella? Please talk to me." His lips jutted out in that perfect pout, swirling green eyes pulling me down, pleading with me.

"I can't do this Edward. I don't want to get involved with you. I'm no good for you." I tried to sound strong and dismissive.

"Something happened between you leaving my bed this morning and me finding you out here. You were happy when we woke up. What did I do? Why are you so upset?" Instead of focusing on the hurt in his eyes, I concentrated on his furrowed eyebrows and the way his mouth was set in a hard thin line. If I could imagine he was angry with me, I could get through this.

"Nothing happened. I just realized what a mistake this is," I said, keeping my face expressionless as I swept through the room. He flinched at the word "mistake", and reached out to me as I tried to move past him. I twisted away, but he caught my arm and pulled me into his lap.

"Don't say that," he said. He sounded desperate. "This wasn't a mistake. This _isn't_ a mistake. You can't think that." I inhaled deeply, trying to stiffen my resolve. Unfortunately, all it did was remind me of how fucking edible he smelled. I hesitated. My eyes flickered to the picture that still lay face down atop the piano. He followed me gaze and narrowed his eyes. Keeping a firm grip on my waist, he picked up the photograph.

"This was taken last summer," he said, his tone light and 180 degrees from moments earlier. "Emmett and I were visiting Kate and Tanya in California. They're our only cousins, we're pretty close." My breath caught at the sound of Tanya's name, but other than that I contained my reaction."Tanya's actually in Seattle going to law school right now. Maybe you've met her. She's in the same year as Jacob."

I was silent. He was related to her. _My Edward_ was related, by blood, to that bitch. And they were close. If I kept seeing Edward, I would have to see _her_ again. It was practically guaranteed.

"We've met," I said finally. "Although at the time, she was wearing much less clothing, and she was kissing my boyfriend."

Edward's hands dropped in surprise. He looked at me wordlessly, no doubt trying to process what I had just said. Hell, I was still trying to process what I just said. I took advantage of his shock and stood quickly, practically running out the door.

Just before the door swung shut behind me, I heard him call my name. I kept running.

*****

Several hours later, I was sitting on my couch dressed in my sweats trying to figure out where everything went so terribly wrong. Obviously, I had overreacted. Running out of Edward's apartment without even bothering to talk to him about the situation had been crazy. I had behaved like an insane person.

I sighed, looking at my phone for the millionth time since leaving Edward. I kept expecting him to call. _Don't hold your breath, crazy._ _He's not going to call._ Why would he? Resigning myself to a good long wallow, I pulled a pint of Cherry Garcia out of my freezer and called Alice.

"Happy New Year!" her cheery voice blared out of the receiver. "Did you like the dress?"

I laughed. Even in my current mood it was hard to remain unaffected by Alice. "It's beautiful. A little hard to get in and out of, but beautiful."

"I figured that Rosalie would be there to help you get zipped up… and Edward would be there to get you zipped _down_," she giggled. I rolled my eyes. She was half right.

"About Edward…" I didn't even know where to start. The kisses at the club? Making out in his elevator? Taking off my clothes only to be rejected? Waking up in his arms…sweet mother of Mary his naked chest.

"What about Edward?" Alice broke into my thoughts, her voice suspicious. "OhmigodBella! Didyousleepwithim?!"

Her rapid fire question caught me off balance, so I answered without thinking.

"K-k-kind of," I stammered. Alice's answering shriek forced me to pull the phone away from my ear. "Calm down Alice, we slept together, we didn't _sleep_ together. We crashed at his apartment. Nothing happened."

Pause.

"Why the hell not?" There was unmistakable disappointment in her voice. I sighed.

"Really, Alice? You're disappointed? We barely know each other."

Skeptical pause.

"OK, I may have taken off my dress and thrown myself at him," I muttered.

Alice, my supposed best friend, bound by the laws of friendship not to mock me when I'm in a jam, broke down into hysterical laughter.

"You what?!" I waited out the laughter. And waited.

"Do you want to hear what happened or should I call you back at a better time?" I asked sarcastically. That shut her up fast.

"No! Tell me, please, I'll be good." I could see her in my head, locking her lips and throwing away the key. The image made me smile in spite of myself.

"Well, long story short we got pretty drunk at the party that he took me to," I started. Immediately, Alice broke in.

"To make a long story short? Seriously? You're pulling that on me?"

"Yes I am," I snapped. "The before part isn't what's important." She got quiet again, so I continued. "We walked back to his apartment and started making out. That's when I threw myself at him and he told me that he didn't want to be a one night stand because he liked me too much." Even now, as confused and irritated as I was, that part of the story amazed me. What kind of a man turned down a mostly naked woman who offers herself guilt free, no strings attached? Maybe he really did have super powers.

"We fell asleep, and he didn't try anything. He even put me in one of his t-shirts while I was sleeping." _God, I'm such an idiot._ I cleared my throat, determined to get through the story to the end before I beat myself up any more. "I woke up this morning and I was looking around his apartment. I found a picture of him and Tanya—"Alice gasped. "She's his cousin," I said quickly. "They're really close, I guess. I freaked out on him and left and now I'm sitting by myself feeling like the world's biggest idiot."

"Have you tried calling him?" I blinked. Calling him hadn't occurred to me. Shouldn't he call me?

"Of course not! I stormed out of his apartment this morning and totally embarrassed myself," I struggled to explain myself. "I can't just call him. I was going to wait for him to call me."

"Why? Bella, it was perfectly normal to react the way you did. But you've had time to process, and now you realize that you overreacted and want to talk to him about it. He'll understand I'm sure."

"I wish I was born with your self-confidence, Alice," I muttered, unconvinced. She sighed, clearly irritated that her "pull yourself up by your bootstraps" logic wasn't working on me.

"I don't see what the big deal is Bella," she huffed. "I love you and all, but you're such a girl sometimes. Grow a pair and call him! He's such a nice guy. I'm sure he's just trying to give you your space. If you don't call him, he'll think you don't want to talk to him. He's not going to make the first move, trust me."

I hate it when she makes sense.

"For someone so small, you are hugely irritating," I griped, sighing heavily and flinging my arm over my face.

"Is that your messed up way of saying that I'm right?" She giggled.

"What the hell am I going to say to him?" I moaned, ignoring her question. "Don't tell me to figure it out, Alice, you're the one who's actually getting me to consider calling him."

"It's not rocket science, honey," she said patiently. "Call him, apologize for being crazy, and explain what your problem was. What was your problem, by the way?"

"I don't know," I answered. "I was sitting there, looking at this picture of them, and I was furious, right? And then I'm hit by this crazy guilt. I have no right to him, we're not in a relationship and we don't know each other very well. I'm getting possessive of a man I barely know, and meanwhile I'm not entirely sure that I'm over what happened with Jake yet." I thought about it for a second. "Obviously I'm not over what happened with Jake, look what happened this morning."

"So that's what you tell him," she said quietly. "Although you may want to avoid mentioning the possessive stuff, it would go straight to his head." She laughed. It was an easy, happy sound, and I laughed along with her, thinking of Edward's face when I told him that he had a nice mouth.

I talked to Alice for a few more minutes, filling her in on the details of New Year's and my impromptu date with Edward after I got home from Forks. She pressed me for descriptions of everything, especially what kissing Edward had felt like.

"I'm going to be an old married woman, Bella," she griped. "I'll never have another first kiss. Was it amazing? Tell me everything!"

I begged off eventually, telling her that if I didn't call Edward soon I would chicken out. She hung up immediately, much to my amusement.

Despite what I had told Alice, I was in no rush to call him. Jacob had known me for such a long time that whenever I did something crazy he knew exactly what to do in reaction. He would have called me after about an hour and sweet talked me out of the apartment with promises of chocolate and coffee. We would have gone out into the city, chatting casually until I was comfortable enough to stop skirting around the issue and talk about what was bothering me.

Edward didn't know any of my habits. He had no idea how to handle my moods. What if he decided that I wasn't worth the trouble? What if there was more to his crazy mood swings than I had already seen? I had no idea how to be in a relationship with a stranger. This was scarier than I thought it would be.

Swallowing my fear, I dialed his number and held my breath. It rang four times, and then his voicemail picked up. Damn it. _What if he's screening my call?_

Beep.

"Edward, it's Bella," I said. "I'm really sorry about what happened this morning, and I was wondering if we could get together and talk about it." I was at a loss for words. What else was there to say? "Call me back if you're interested."

My call waiting beeped as I finished the message. **Edward Cullen calling…**

I pushed the talk button to transfer to the call and answered as steadily as I could manage.

"Hi."

* * *

**Author's Note: Oh man! So, I had this all ready and written for you guys and I decided, hell, it's close enough to the weekend for me to post. I apoligize for leaving it at yet another cliffie, I didn't mean to... well, I did, but it's for the best. Really! Leave me some reviews and let me know what you think of our most recent developments. What are your predictions? What do you think will happen next? And all that jazz. Until next time kids...**


	17. Chapter 17

_My call waiting beeped as I finished the message. __**Edward Cullen calling…**_

_I pushed the talk button to transfer to the call and answered as steadily as I could manage._

"_Hi."_

"Hey, Bella," he said, out-of-breath. "Sorry I didn't pick up right away, I was in the shower and I didn't make it to the phone on time."

"That's ok," I answered. I couldn't think of anything else to say. Pictures of Edward, soaking wet and wrapped in a tiny towel, flitted through my head. Maybe he wasn't even wearing a towel. Maybe he was naked. _Drool._

"So, did you want something?" he asked after a long pause, sounding as nervous as I felt. "I mean, not that it isn't great to hear from you. After this morning…" he trailed off.

"I'm really sorry about that," I said quickly. "I overreacted. Things have just been really…weird lately. Do you have some free time where we could get together and talk about it?"

"I don't have to work until tonight. Why don't I pick you up and we can go grab coffee?"

"Sure, what time?"

"Give me another 45 minutes or so, I'm still all soapy," he laughed. I stifled a moan. _Are you kidding me with this? I'll never get that image out of my head._

"How about I just meet you at Café Amore in an hour?" It would be best if I wasn't sitting in an enclosed space with him.

"Sounds good, I'll see you then," he said. "Oh, hey, Bella?"

"Yeah?"

"Thanks for calling."

I flew around my apartment, throwing on a pair of comfortable jeans and a t-shirt. I was determined to be myself. No makeup, no fancy hair. According to Alice, Edward thought I was attractive just the way I was. Smiling, I pulled on the t-shirt I wore the night at the bowling alley.

There were only a handful of people at the café when I got there. A girl with long, blonde dreadlocks strummed her guitar on a low stage near the back. I smiled at her as I took a seat in my favorite corner booth. I had never seen live music here before, but this girl was good. She swayed gently, singing _Let It Be_ sweetly into the microphone set up on stage.

She finished and I clapped loudly, grinning at her. She smiled back and nodded at me before strumming the opening chords to _American Pie._ Nice. I let myself get lost in her music, closing my eyes and letting her voice wash over me.

The soft thud of a body hitting the seat across from me startled my eyes open again.

"I love that shirt," Edward said, flashing a sexy smirk at me and taking a sip from the mug he had brought with him. I blushed and quickly took a drink from my own mug. Too quickly. Coffee spilled over the sides of the cup, dripping on my face and spattering on my lap. I yelped, setting down my coffee and dabbing at the dark splotches with my napkin.

"Bella! Are you ok?" x

I sighed. This was just great. I couldn't even get a full minute into our coffee date before looking like a complete klutz. Oh well, I _had_ promised to be myself. This was par for the course.

"I'm fine, Edward. How are you?"

He smiled happily, looking straight into my eyes. "I'm better now, thank you."

Goosebumps popped up on my arms at the look in his eyes. Gold sparks lived in those green eyes, and I felt like I was caught in some kind of a tractor beam. _Gah. How does he do that?_

"So, I wanted to talk to you about what happened this morning," I said, staring down into my mug again. This would be easier if he wasn't hypnotizing me with his stare. "I know it was kind of crazy of me to run out this morning, but I didn't know what to think and I just needed to get out of there."

"Bella, you don't need to explain your reaction to me," Edward interrupted. "I don't blame you for running out." I closed my eyes and shook my head, mentally pleading with him to stop being so perfect.

"Just let me say what I have to say please," I said quietly. He shut up immediately. I couldn't look at him. What if I had already managed to hurt his feelings again? "Breaking up with Jacob was pretty traumatic. I didn't really realize how upset I still am about the whole thing until I saw that photo." I heard Edward take a breath like he was about to speak again, so I started talking faster.

"I really like you. I love talking to you, and every time I see you I have fun. You're so smart and clearly you'll be successful at whatever you do. I've only heard you play the one song on the piano, but if the rest of your songs sound like that… You're too good for me, Edward. I'm damaged, and I need some time to put myself back together again. I would really like it if we could just be friends."

I chanced a look up. He was looking down at his hands, so I felt safe staring for a few seconds. He was chewing on his lip, eyebrows knit together in that adorable, ever present crease. He was too damn cute. Finally, he looked up.

"If that's what you want, Bella." His words echoed in my ears, and I was standing on First Beach, looking at Jake's devastated face. Blinking, I brought myself back to the present and reached out to him, putting a hand tentatively on his arm.

"I'm sorry. I'm just not ready for whatever this is. Not yet."

His eyes flashed a little when I said _not yet_, and I saw a flicker of hope there. I hoped he would hear what I couldn't let myself say. I wanted to be with him, but not this way. I needed time to be me for a while. By myself.

"We can be friends." He smiled at me, flashing his teeth. He seemed sincere. Maybe I was misreading the signals… maybe he wasn't as disappointed as I thought. I tried not to let myself be upset by that possibility. I was the one playing the just friends card.

"So, friend," he interrupted my downwards spiraling thoughts. "Care to show me around Seattle, tourist style? Not today, because I have to work in a few hours, but maybe next weekend? I have Saturday completely free, and I would love company. I haven't even seen the Space Needle close up!"

I had to laugh at the expression on his face. He had reverted to little boy Edward, his face lit up with excitement and his lips pouting out a little when he made the Space Needle comment.

"That sounds like fun. Let me know when you have time. We'll go to Pike's Place Market and Pioneer Square."

"And the Space Needle?" he asked, bouncing a little in his seat.

I laughed again. "Yes, dork, and the Space Needle."

"There's a restaurant up there, right?"

"Yeah, I've never eaten there though."

"Hmmmm," he replied, staring off over my shoulder to where the blond girl still strummed her guitar.

"So, I'm almost done with that story I wrote about you," I said, casting around for a topic change that wouldn't be awkward. His eyes snapped back to me, and his lips twitched into a hesitant smile. He rolled his eyes.

"Right , right. Because I'm such a hero. I never asked, what's my super power?"

"Alex, that's his name, is telepathic. Besides the normal super strength, super speed, etc… he reads the minds of people around him."

"Alex, huh? Was there a reason behind that choice?"

I shrugged.

"Alexander means 'man's defender'. It seemed appropriate." He nodded, taking another sip of his coffee.

"Well, mind reading seems like a pretty neat trick. I would give anything to be able to read your mind, for example."

I gave him a small smile, trying to maintain my composure. He wasn't making this "just friends" thing easy for me. Taking a deep breath, I explained.

"You would think it's great, but actually he hates it. He can't turn it on or off, so he hears everyone in a mile or so radius talking in his head all day, every day. It's a terrible burden, even though it makes saving the world a lot easier." He stared at me intently, like he really was trying to read my mind. "He tries to keep his mind occupied with other things. For example, he has a passion for music." I smiled wider at that, remembering how I added that tidbit after Edward had sung me to sleep on my couch.

"One of the things that draws him to my heroine, Grace, is the fact that his mind reading doesn't work on her," I continued. "It frustrates him, but I think in the end it helps. He has to work to understand her. They have to work to understand each other."

"That makes a lot of sense," Edward agreed, nodding slowly. "Their relationship has to develop normally, even though he's a superhero."

"Exactly," I said, tapping my hand on the table for emphasis. "It's kind of a silly story, more of a parody on the genre than anything, but I was also trying to make some commentary on the way men and women relate to each other. We have these ideals, these perfect paramours. The daring hero who rescues the helpless maiden from certain death. The perfect woman, who smiles and swoons and falls in love instantly. There's this inherent inequality about it, you know? But Grace and Alex, they start off on even footing, despite their prospective talents. We're all looking for perfection, but that's not how life really works. Alex and Grace are chock full of imperfections. Alex is melodramatic and overprotective, and Grace is insecure about pretty much everything. Despite that, each sees the other as perfect. Glaring flaws morph into endearing quirks. Alex rescues Grace from physical danger; Grace rescues Alex from himself. Love is all about perspective, and discovering new ways to see the people we care about."

I was babbling, waving my hands for emphasis, not really paying attention to my surroundings. When I stopped talking, I finally looked back at Edward. His mouth was hanging open, his eyes round as saucers. I flushed what I'm sure was an exceptional shade of pink and cleared my throat.

"Sorry, I get a little carried away when I talk about my writing."

"Don't apologize," he said. "That was fascinating. I'd like to read your writing some time."

"Oh, no one reads my stuff," I protested. "Not even Alice."

"You've never tried to get any of it published?" He raised his eyebrows in surprise. "I thought you wanted to be an author?"

"I tried to get some short stories published in college, but I got a lot of rejections. I guess I just feel like until I have everything perfect, I shouldn't even bother. I mean, I'll just get rejected again, so what's the point?" I shrugged. I realized that I sounded kind of pathetic and down on myself, but a girl can only read so many rejection letters before she gives up for a while.

"That's not how it works," he disagreed. "You'll never get perfection, remember? Weren't you just saying that's not how life works? It's important to push yourself to be your very best, but it's also important to reach outside of what you're comfortable with. I think you should give publication another shot. Besides, even if you get rejected again, maybe you can get some suggestions."

I shrugged noncommittally. It was hard to argue with his logic, especially since I had been trying to put myself outside my comfort zone for the last couple of weeks. Trying publication again would be another step in the right direction.

"Tell you what, my aunt Irina works at a boutique publishing company," he said. "Why don't you give me some of your stuff and I'll pass it along? I can just ask her what she thinks, no pressure. Maybe she'll have ideas for you."

"Really? Why would you do that?"

"What are friends for, Bella? Come on, you have nothing to lose." He must have been able to tell that I was considering it, because he turned on the charm. He flashed a crooked smile at me and looked up at me through his eyelashes. "Please?"

I nodded, all thoughts of my inevitable rejection replaced with images of the gorgeous man seated across from me. He grinned; the full force of his smile left me a little breathless. I groaned when I realized what I had just agreed to.

"How do you _do_ that?" I muttered.

"I have no idea what you're talking about," he replied smugly. I rolled my eyes. Of course not.

We chatted for a little while until Edward had to leave for work. He jotted something down on a napkin and slid it across the table to me.

"Here's my email address. Send me a couple of your stories and I'll pass them along to Aunt Irina. If it makes you feel better, I won't even read them first."

"I'll think about it," I muttered, tucking the napkin in my pocket and standing to walk out.

"Don't think about it. Just do it." He gave me one last, heartbreaking smile and sauntered out of the café. I sighed.

When I got home, I pulled the napkin with Edward's email address out of my pocket and put it up on my fridge. For the rest of the afternoon, the scrap of paper taunted me, no matter where I was in the apartment. Edward's offer was exciting, but I was terrified. Rationally, there was no reason to be so afraid. This was what people do, they network. I was just sending out feelers, looking for opinions. But it had been years since I had let another person read something I wrote that wasn't schoolwork, and it felt so… intimate.

Despite my fears, I was also excited. Edward believed in me, he even wanted to help me. It shouldn't really surprise me, but again, I was going off of my experiences with Jacob. The last year or so had been all about Jake's dreams, which I had supported wholeheartedly. It hadn't occurred to me that I should look for support from _him_, which was stupid. Now I was free, and as soon as I realized it I decided to do something about it. I grabbed my laptop and opened up my email. Without thinking too hard about what I was doing, I attached the stories I had been working on to a new email and addressed it to Edward. Three of them were complete, and I also included the nearly finished draft of Edward's story.

_**Edward,**_

_**Feel free to read them. Thanks for the push. Thank you for everything.**_

_**Bella**_

I held my breath, said a quick prayer, and hit send. _Nothing to do now but wait._

_

* * *

_**Author's Note: I felt bad keeping this in the hopper when I had it all written... and since you guys were good and reviewed, I thought I'd give you a little something extra. However, since I don't have the next chapter finished and I have two finals next week, don't expect anything more until next weekend. And see? I can end a chapter without a cliffie. How awesome is that? Review please :)**


	18. Chapter 18

I didn't hear from Edward on Sunday. He didn't call me, text or email. I went back to school on Monday morning drowning in dread. He probably read my stories and decided not to send them to his aunt after all. What if he didn't like the one he inspired? I was so nauseous I couldn't eat. By Tuesday, I still hadn't heard from Edward and had foregone my last three meals.

"Are you feeling ok, Bella?" Rosalie eyed me critically. We were sitting in the teacher's lounge for lunch. I focused on sipping my club soda as slowly as possible. A pile of saltine crackers sat in front of me. So far I had managed to eat five of them. Small victories.

"Noooooo," I groaned, resting my forehead on the table. She patted my head, giggling a little.

"Melodramatic much? Geez, are you on your rag or something?"

I sat up and glared at her.

"You have got to stop spending so much time with Emmett." She rolled her eyes and took another bite of her salad.

"So? Spill it, Bells. What's up?"

"I spent the night with Edward on New Year's Eve, told him we could only be friends, emailed him four of my short stories, and I haven't heard from him since Saturday afternoon."

She choked on her salad.

"You'll want to start from the beginning, Isabella." Uh oh, I was in trouble. She only whipped out my full name on very special occasions. I sighed and unloaded the whole story as quietly as possible. We were sitting in the faculty lounge after all. No need to give my coworkers more fodder for gossip.

"Wow," Rose said. She fell back against her chair, a shocked expression on her face. "That's a lot to take in. It seems like he's still interested. Emmett said he's been working really hard, maybe he's just lost track of time. You should call him."

"I don't know," I said. "I mean, I feel like the ball is in his court after my email. Plus this Saturday outing was his idea."

She sighed, rising from her chair and dumping the rest of her salad. "Whatever, Bella."

Two more days passed. Still no Edward. The nausea had gone away, but I wasn't getting much sleep. It was frustrating how anxious not talking to him made me. It was like New Year's Eve had flipped some kind of switch inside me, and all I wanted was to see him, hear him, talk with him. At least I had the distraction of auditions for the spring play to keep myself occupied. Wednesday and Thursday after school I corralled 50 drama kids through auditions and call backs, and I spent most of Thursday afternoon making my final casting decisions. Luckily, I was able to use everyone who didn't get a speaking role as fairies and noblemen. I hoped that giving everyone a part would help me avoid conflicts with angsty teenagers.

By Thursday night, I was cranky, tired, and fed up. I broke down and called Edward. His voicemail picked up. At this point, I was past being insecure. I was irritated.

"Hello, Edward, it's Bella. Are you alive? Are you dead? Inquiring minds want to know. Call me back."

Thirty minutes later I got a text message from his cell phone.

_**Maybe dead? Work this week terrible. Miss you. Will call tomorrow.**_

It wasn't ideal, and I was still annoyed, but at least he wasn't avoiding me because he didn't like me or thought I was a terrible writer. No need to overreact again. He's busy, that's how it is. Deep, calming breaths.

I killed Friday afternoon with my stories, getting caught up with the easy flow of words and ideas that washed through my head. Writing was so therapeutic; it was hard to believe I had gone through such a long dry spell. After Edward's text message last night I had finally finished his story. I tweaked it a bit before emailing him the final draft. Maybe it would make the end of his week better.

Around 7:00 p.m., my phone buzzed on my coffee table. Grinning from ear to ear, I lunged at it and saw that yes, finally, **Edward Cullen calling…**

"Hey," I sighed into the phone. I was practically purring. I don't purr. Do I? _Guess so, Swan._

"Hi, Bella." Edward sounded groggy, like he had just gotten out of bed.

"Did I wake you, Sleeping Beauty?" I teased.

"Huh? Oh, no, I just," he paused to yawn. "I'm so tired. Long week. The only reason I made it through at all was by thinking about our tourist date with the city of Seattle." My heart fluttered a bit. _Just friends._

"Did you get my email?" I asked. I couldn't hold it in anymore. I had to know what he thought. Despite my earlier reluctance to let _anyone_ read my writing, I had been on edge all week waiting to hear _his_ opinion. I felt like a 14 year old.

"Yep." That was it. Yep? What kind of a response was that? I pour my soul out on paper and the man says _yep._

"And…?" I prompted.

"I just," yawn. "Wow, Bella. I'm not an expert or anything, but I really enjoyed it. You're a phenomenal writer." I couldn't tell if he was being sincere or just trying to placate me so he could get me off the phone faster and go to bed. It seemed like a pretty generic compliment. I went fishing.

"What did you think about the baseball story?" It was a test. There was no baseball story.

"What? There was a … shit, did you send me a different email?" He sounded more alert now, almost apologetic. I felt guilty immediately. I had only recently promised myself to _not_ act crazy around him. It was not a good sign that I broke that promise the very next time we had contact.

"Just making sure you actually read them," I laughed apologetically. "Sorry, that was a mean trick." Thankfully, he laughed too. "I did send you the finished version of _your _story though."

"Really?" He sounded excited, happy.

"Yeah, I finished it last night." He yawned quietly again, and I pictured his face, smoothed out in sleep, a peaceful smile on this lips. Involuntarily, I smiled in response. I mentally kicked myself. My hormones were really getting out of control.

"Well, great." I heard the smile in his voice. _Swoon_. "I'll pass it along to Aunt Irina. She actually wanted me to ask you for any more samples you have lying around."

My heart raced. I cleared my throat and took an unnecessarily deep breath.

"Well, that's… I mean… ok," I said lamely. Honestly, I was kind of floored. She wanted more? I put that information away for further reflection later and returned to the actual reason I wanted to talk to Edward. "So when do you want to do the tourist thing tomorrow?" _Keep it casual_.

"Do you want to meet me at Café Amore tomorrow around 11? Then we can go from there together."

"Sounds great! Have you decided if there's anything else you want to do tomorrow?"

"Yes, but it's a surprise." I groaned.

"I really hate surprises."

"No worries, it's a good surprise. You'll love it, I promise." Even without his magic eyes and smile, Edward was hard to resist. His voice had an indescribable _texture_ to it, silky and warm, almost velvety. It was quite convincing.

"OK," I sighed. "Well, you should get some sleep. I'm planning on wearing you out tomorrow." As soon as the words were out of my mouth I wanted to take them back. God, I'm such a perv. Edward sputtered slightly, and when he spoke again, he sounded a little winded.

"I'll look forward to it. Sweet dreams, Bella."

For the record, my dreams were very sweet. They featured a mostly naked Edward Cullen ripping my lacy panties off with his teeth. It was a good night.

*****

I was ready outrageously early the next morning, so I busied myself by flying around my apartment, cleaning everything in reach. I tried to take my time with a bowl of cereal and some coffee, but everything seemed to be kicked into turbo gear. By 10:15, I was so full of pent up energy that I gave up and left. I dressed warmly, not sure how much time we'd be spending outdoors. I love Occidental Park, and if Edward wanted to I hoped we could take a walk through it this afternoon before we left Pioneer Square.

I decided to go straight to the café where I was meeting Edward, figuring I could grab another cup of coffee while I waited for him. I hummed happily as I parked in the all day ramp around the corner. In between my bouts of self-doubt and panic, I had been looking forward to today.

I was still trying to categorize my feelings for Edward. Obviously I was attracted to him, but who wouldn't be? There was more to it, though. I was attracted to him personally, which was rare for me. There was a reason that I hadn't dated much before Jacob. I was really picky. Part of me thought that it took me so long to warm up to the idea of dating Jake because he had to work hard to become the kind of guy I wanted to be with. I don't think he minded, and along the way he discovered a lot about himself and what he really wanted from life. He always said that I made him want to try harder, to be better.

Edward made me want to try harder. He had convinced me, over the course of a single conversation, to get back on the horse and try to get published. He wanted me to succeed, and he was willing to support me, whatever it took. It was a little overwhelming, but it certainly wasn't a bad feeling.

On that note, I pulled open the café's door and searched for a seat. Saturday mornings were busy here, and the shop was bustling with activity. A flash of bronze hair caught my eye. Edward must have gotten here early too. Smiling, I started to work my way through the crowd toward him. Then I saw who he was sitting with. I stopped, unsure of what to do next.

Edward was sitting at a small table near the back with Tanya. She was talking animatedly, gesturing wildly and frowning. His eyebrows were furrowed in a familiar expression of frustration. They were obviously having a serious discussion. Well, shit. _Now what?_

I wouldn't be able to handle sharing a table with her, I knew that for certain. As it was I was having a hard time being in the same building as her. Clenching my hands in to fists, I slunk off toward the counter. _Must not bitch slap future boyfriend's cousin_. I pulled up short and shook my head as the word "boyfriend" flashed through my head, narrowly avoiding running into a fellow patron.

"Watch it," the man muttered, glaring at me. I barely noticed. I ordered a cup of black coffee and thought about my next move. Could I approach him while she was still there? What if they were talking about me? Would she even recognize me? Could I get away with "accidentally" spilling my hot coffee all over her?

I decided it was safer for both of us if I lurked in a corner and waited for Tanya to leave. I hid behind two college aged girls who were clearly nursing Friday night hangovers. They were also ogling Edward shamelessly.

"Do you think she's his girlfriend?" one of them asked.

"She must be, look how beautiful she is," her friend answered, sizing up Tanya. "Although it looks like they're having quite the argument."

"I wouldn't waste my time talking if I was dating him," the first girl said dreamily. They dissolved into giggles. I rolled my eyes and was just about to switch hiding spaces when Tanya got up from their table. She kissed Edward on the cheek and gave him a one armed hug. Perfect timing.

I weaved my way through the tables to get to Edward, carefully keeping to the opposite side of the shop. I watched her leave, prepared to duck out of sight if she should turn around. In the split second before she walked outside, she turned to wave goodbye to Edward and our eyes locked. I glared involuntarily. She took a startled step backwards, and then she was gone.

When I reached Edward, he was running his fingers distractedly through his hair and chewing on his bottom lip. I sat across from him, and his face brightened visibly.

"Bella! You're here." He looked almost relieved. I laughed lightly.

"Well I told you I would be. Didn't you believe me?"

"Of course," he said, smiling easily. "I didn't realize it was 11 yet. I've been here a while."

It was a perfect opportunity to ask him about Tanya. I could admit that I had seen them talking and clear the air about her once and for all. But damn it, this was my day with him, and she ruined the last one. So instead, I simply said, "Oh."

"So, as the Seattle expert, where to you suggest we start today?" He grinned, that mind numbing crooked smile that made me forget my own name.

"I thought we could start at Pioneer Square, walk around a bit, maybe do some window shopping. It's too far to walk to Pike Place Market from there, so we can just drive over when we're done. There are plenty of places to eat there, we can grab a late lunch before we do the Space Needle thing. How does that sound?"

"Hmmm, I was hoping we could just grab a light lunch now before we start. Are there places to eat at Pioneer Square?"

I rolled my eyes.

"Of course there are places to eat. It's a major tourist spot. Are you that hungry?"

He blushed a little and smiled again. "It's just that you said you've never eaten at the restaurant at the Space Needle, so I got us dinner reservations. I thought it would be a good way to end the day, my treat. I wouldn't want to spoil your appetite before we get there. Surprise?" He looked a little nervous, but still hopeful.

I gaped at him. "Edward! That restaurant is expensive, you don't have to take me there."

"Don't be silly, Bella," he scoffed. He actually scoffed at me. "It's not a big deal. Are you done with your coffee?"

He took my empty cup and reached out for my hand. I took it without thinking and let him lead me towards the door. As we passed the college girls (who were still staring at Edward), I winked. _Eat it, bitches._

*****

Spending the day with Edward was easy and fun. I made myself relax for the day, putting the whole "feelings" thing out of the picture for the time being. Instead, I concentrated on getting to know him better.

"Favorite… science fiction writer."

"Easy," I said. "Orson Scott Card. Favorite guilty pleasure?"

"Bad horror movies, anything with lots of fake blood, zombies, and maybe a vampire or two."

We had been playing the favorites game for the last half hour or so, bouncing back and forth asking goofy questions.

"Most attractive feature on a guy?" He asked, quirking his eyebrows at me. Tough question. Do I answer honestly and risk ridicule, or do I lie? I decided to fudge it a little.

"Eyes." It wasn't a total lie, eyes are the second thing I look at. He gave me a confused look.

"Why would you lie about that?"

"What?" I stared at him. How could he have known?

"You get this wrinkle on the bridge of your nose when you're making stuff up," he explained. "What's the real answer to that question?"

I sighed. Stupid face. Stupid Edward Cullen and his uncanny ability to _read_ my face.

"Fine, but its silly. Eyebrows." He snorted.

"Do you like _my_ eyebrows, Miss Swan?" He waggled the brows in question. They were pretty perfect but I didn't really feel like telling him that, especially since he was teasing me about it. So I ignored the question and asked one of my own.

"If you could be any animal you would be…"

His forehead scrunched together in that adorable concentration/frustration face. "A mountain lion," he finally said. "Top of the food chain, protected species, no real worries besides finding a mate and a place to sleep. Sounds nice. Besides," he winked. "They are quite handsome creatures."

I rolled my eyes and shoved him playfully. That afternoon, Edward revealed a different facet of himself to me. He was goofy and light-hearted. While we sat on a bench in Occidental Park taking a break from our walk, he watched the families with children scurry back and forth with a wistful expression on his face.

"Do you want kids some day?" I asked, curious about what had him looking so emotional. I guess it was a silly question, he was well on his way to becoming a pediatric surgeon after all.

"I do," he said, a soft smile lighting his face as he looked down at me. "Did you know that Emmett and I are adopted?"

I shook my head silently, unsure of how I was supposed to react to that information.

"When I was six my parents died in a car crash. I didn't have any other relatives, and Carlisle and Esme wanted another son. They adopted Emmett a few years earlier, when he was four," he said. "I don't have a lot of memories of my birth parents. Carlisle and Esme are the best parents I could ever wish for, so I'm extremely lucky in that respect. The four of us are closer than a lot of families I know. I want that for myself. Unfortunately, I haven't had a whole lot of luck finding someone who wants that with me." He chuckled a little, giving me a look that made my stomach churn and my breath quicken.

"I find that hard to believe," I said, trying to lighten the conversation.

"You'd be surprised," he replied. "What about you? Do you want kids?"

I frowned. It was an argument that Jacob and I had often.

"Eventually. There's so much I want to do first, though. I want to get published, and I'd like to get a Master's degree. I know that I don't have all the time I could wish for, but I want to do some things for myself before I commit to a family."

"That makes a lot of sense," he agreed. "I don't want to miss the early years of my kids' lives because I'm too busy at the hospital getting roughed around as a resident."

He was overwhelmed by Pike Place, which was understandable, but cute nonetheless.

"How does anyone find anything in here?" he asked incredulously. We wandered through the market, stopping in random shops to examine the handicrafts and jewelry. He bought me an apple at a small organic fruit stand, and we walked slowly, window shopping and chatting. He was especially curious about what it was like growing up in Phoenix.

"You mean to tell me you never saw _snow_ before you were 17 years old?"

"Nope," I said solemnly. "And it only rains there like, four times a year."

"Shut up!" he gasped.

"I will not!" I shot back, doing my best valley girl impression. We dissolved into helpless laughter, earning a kind smile from an elderly woman who was walking past us.

"It's so nice to see a young couple in love," she said, winking and continuing on her walk.

Thanks for killing the mood, lady. Needless to say, I sobered up quick. Edward cleared his throat, still laughing a little under his breath. He kept casting me sidelong glances the rest of the way back to his car, like he was waiting for me to freak out.

The short drive to the Space Needle was quiet, but not uncomfortable. The entire afternoon had been scattered full of slightly awkward pauses and charged silences, and I was finding it more and more difficult to ignore the "feelings" portion of my friendship with Edward. OK, not such a great friendship, obviously. He wanted to date me and I… well at the very least I had a huge crush on him.

I thought about my options as I stood next to him on the Space Needle's observation deck.

_Option one: Ignore said feelings and continue on the just friends track._ I frowned.

_Option two: Jump his bones at the earliest opportunity, let awkwardness overcome the situation, and drift apart, never to hear from him again. He will marry a leggy blond and have five kids and a mansion on the coast. I will die alone with my 17 cats._ I frowned some more.

_Option three: Friends with benefits. Edward the fuck buddy. Enough said._ He didn't seem to be that kind of guy, but the idea had merit. I giggled.

_Option four: Go on a few more dates with him and see where it goes._

"Penny for your thoughts?" Edward's silky voice sounded in my ear, interrupting my musings. I blushed and flinched.

"Just admiring the view," I lied.

"You're lying again," he said with a laugh. "But I'll let it go."

We stood in silence, just letting the view wash over us. You can see the whole city from up there, the surrounding bay areas, the Sound, the mountains in the distance. Edward started humming, the same unfamiliar tune he always seemed to have in his head.

"Is that one of yours?" I asked.

"Yes," he said. He turned toward me and put his hand tentatively on top of one of mine. "It's a fairly new tune. I started composing it when this crazy woman stared me down at a coffee shop."

I laughed.

"You wrote me a theme song?" I joked, a little flattered. "That seems a little backwards… you're the superhero here, not me."

"Not exactly," he said, giving me a wide lopsided grin. "I wrote you a lullaby. It started taking shape that night at your apartment…" His face darkened a bit and I saw a flash of anger before he covered it up. I squeezed his hand.

"So I make you sleepy, is that it? I'm sorry I'm so boring," I teased, nudging him with my hip. I didn't like it when he wasn't smiling. It wasn't right. My teasing did its job, and he gave a half hearted smile, his eyes crinkling a little at the corners.

"Not boring," he protested. "Peaceful. Being with you is so relaxing, and watching you sleep," he shrugged. "I can't really explain it, except that when I'm not around you I get anxious, and when I see you again everything kind of falls back into place. Despite the fact that you make me nervous as hell, it's a good nervous, if that makes any sense at all." He sighed, ran a hand through his tousled hair, and looked into my eyes.

"I know you said you just wanted to be friends, but I _really_ like you, Bella."

I looked at him for a minute, a little surprised by his outright admission. I suppose I shouldn't have been, he'd already proven that being around me made him say things he wouldn't normally say. I couldn't help but think, though, that this was an on purpose kind of statement. He had a determined look on his face, his bright green eyes measuring my reaction. Option one through three were definitely out.

"I like you too," I said. His smile got wider. "But this is hard for me, and I want to take things slow, ok? No need to rush into anything."

"Of course," he agreed quickly. He glanced down at his watch. "Our reservations are for about five minutes from now. Why don't we head to the restaurant?"

We strolled up to the hostess stand, hand in hand. I liked it. Holding Edward's hand felt casual, comfortable, right. I rolled my eyes. _Alice is right, I'm such a fucking girl sometimes._

Our table was right next to the windows, and for a while we just stared out over the city. The sun had set, and the lights of the city sparkled up at us while the stars twinkled down. It was surreal, almost like we were caught between two different worlds.

"So beautiful," I sighed happily.

"It's alright," he replied. I looked back to see him staring at me, a tiny crooked smile still fixed on his face. "But I like this view better."

I stuck my tongue out at him, trying to make him drop the compliments for a while and go back to our easy banter. He took the hint, and we passed our dinner chatting comfortably. I asked him about the triathlon shirt he had given me to wear, and he went off on a tangent about running. It was cute, and I imagined he looked a lot like I must when I talk about books. He had run four marathons and completed one triathlon to date. He was currently in training for a Seattle triathlon scheduled for August.

"That's sick," I informed him. "August is nine months away. You're training already?"

"365 days a year," he laughed. "You should join me sometime."

"Oh, hell no, Cullen," I said adamantly. "Unless you want to be wrapping my sprained ankle or driving me to the E.R. to set a broken arm, you will not extend that invitation again."

At the end of the night, I was full, warm, and happy. It was almost worth not talking to him all week. He walked me to my door and waited while I unlocked my apartment. I fidgeted. It was probably too soon to pull him in by his shirt collar and tackle him. He cleared his throat and my eyes focused back on his face.

"I had a wonderful time tonight," he said softly. I nodded, staring at his lips. _Kiss me. Kiss me, please._ He leaned forward, ever so slowly. It was almost like he didn't know that I wanted it. I licked my lips, trying to telepathically let him know that it was OK to make his move.

He moved in further, and just before his lips met mine… a door slammed. I jumped, my head moving to the right. His lips hit high on my jaw, nose colliding with my cheekbone. He pulled away quickly, eyes on the floor.

"I'm… uh… I mean," he stammered. I groaned internally. He hadn't heard the door slam; the poor guy thought I was rejecting him. I let out a big breath.

"Edward?"

He looked up, cheeks pink with embarrassment. I reached out and tugged him close to me, tilting my face up towards him.

"Kiss me," I said firmly. He smiled briefly, and then he brought his lips down to meet mine. They were soft and gentle, he was kissing me like I would break at any minute. It was sweet, but I wanted more.

I reached up, tangling my fingers in his hair and pulling him toward me, my back flush against the wall. He got the hint, one hand wrapping around my waist, the other cupping my face as he kissed me forcefully. My heart was pounding in my chest and after only a few seconds I was gasping for breath. When I pulled away to inhale, Edward brought his lips down to my neck, trailing open mouthed kisses down toward my chest. I tried to get closer to him, I _needed_ to be closer. In that moment, it was like the chemical powder keg that was my physical attraction to Edward exploded. I was overwhelmed, and I never wanted it to stop. I buried my nose in the crook of his neck and inhaled his cologne, groaning. _Why does he smell so damn good_? He shuddered, and his kisses slowed, and finally stopped.

He pulled back and grinned at me.

"Good night, my Bella," he whispered, leaning in for one last, chaste kiss on my forehead. And then the bastard turned around and walked away.

"That's not fair you know," I called after him, laughing a little under my breath.

"You're the one who wanted to take it slow," he called back, shooting me a grin. "And I never said I played fair."

* * *

**Author's Note: This chapter is freakin' long, and was surprisingly hard to write, so I hope you guys like it. I have two finals left and about 21 pages I have to memorize for my last one, so I don't know if I'll have the next chapter ready by next Friday. I will try my very hardest :) Leave me some reviews, let me know what you think, you know how I like that! **


	19. Chapter 19

January passed in a blur. Between rehearsals for the spring play and scattered dates with Edward, my schedule was full. I was writing whenever I had time, and I had exchanged several emails with Edward's aunt, Irina. She was excited about my work and wanted to discuss a book deal. For _my stories_. Bella Swan, high school English teacher, soon-to-be authoress. I had an agent and everything! She loved my story about Alex the maladjusted superhero. I believe her exact words were "A sharp and witty look at the human psyche." Not that I reread her email twenty or thirty times or anything. We were planning to get together mid-February at her office.

Edward and I had imposed some guidelines for our "relationship." We decided to only meet in public places, the idea being that when there were other people around it would be rude to rip each other's clothes off and go at it like bunnies. He insisted that he wanted to get to know me as a person before anything happened, and I wanted to make sure I wasn't on the rebound. Our New Year's Eve slumber party had been too close a call, so we were playing it safe. There had been a few heated moments and some particularly passionate kisses, but so far we were still playing by our rules.

Unfortunately, our schedules had a nasty habit of conflicting, and over three weeks we only managed a handful of dates. He was terrible on the phone, and often got so caught up at the hospital that he would forget to call, or worse, forget to return my calls. As it was still early in the relationship, or whatever this was, I tried hard to stay positive and not get angry about his various boyfriend faux pas. He made it especially easy to forgive him by sending thoughtful text messages and begging for forgiveness every time he knew I was upset. I found that he was far more eloquent in writing than when he spoke, and there were days when a text message from Edward would send me floating and giggling through the day like the proverbial band geek who landed a date with the football captain.

It irked me a little that he had me so wrapped around his (long, probably very skillful) finger, but at this point I was willing to let it go. Besides, I had a countdown to Alice going, and my attention was otherwise diverted.

"Five more days until you're heeeeere," I sang into the phone. Alice's cheery laugh rang out on the other end. It was Monday night, and the only current bright spot on my horizon was Sunday morning when Alice, Jasper, and all their stuff would pull into Seattle for their big move back west. Edward was working a series of 18 hour shifts this week, and I had rehearsal every night.

"Not that you're counting or anything," she teased. "Are you guys still planning on helping us move into the condo?"

"Absolutely. We will show up with coffee and you will direct us like the field marshal you are."

"Bring Emmett, he's got some good arms on him. He can help Jazz with all the big stuff, and Edward can put things together. Are you sure he wants to spend his day off helping us move?"

"I told him it would score him major boyfriend points."

"Boyfriend points, eh? Does he get to redeem those for a blow job or something?"

"ALICE!" I gasped, laughing. "You know we aren't like that yet. It's a figure of speech."

"Well that's… boring," she sighed. "OK, babe, I'm going to let you go. There is still a ton of packing to do before we start our cross-country drive and Jasper is crankier than a frat boy with a sober date."

The week drug on and on, but on Thursday I got a sweet surprise. I was in the auditorium watching a small group of my leads work their way through a scene. We had spent most of the first half of rehearsal blocking it out, and they were struggling through it now. I was seated near the back of the theater watching.

"I can't hear you, Jessica," I called out. Jessica was a good actress, but she lacked confidence on stage. Odd, because she had no end of confidence in other areas of her life. She spent most of her time throwing herself at the boys in the cast, especially James, the good looking bad boy I had cast in the role of Puck. He was bad news, but he wasn't malicious, and as long as he wasn't causing problems on school property and behaved on my time, I couldn't really report him.

"Nay, good Lysander, for my sake, lie further off," she called loudly. A little stiff, but I could work with it. Her Lysander, a muscular boy named Felix, followed his blocking perfectly, scooting closer as he begged her to reconsider where she spent the night. I flashed them a thumbs up.

"You know, Shakespeare was a real prude," a velvety voice whispered in my ear. I whipped around. There was Edward, grinning ear to ear and holding a bag of what smelled like hamburgers and French fries. My stomach growled loudly.

"Serendipity smiles on you, Miss Swan," he laughed, walking around and sitting next to me. "I brought you dinner."

"Edward! What are you doing here?" I scrambled to remember his work schedule. The last time we had spoken I was sure he mentioned working tonight.

"I got time off for good behavior. An hour for dinner, can you imagine! And I thought to myself, what would I rather do? Eat by myself, or sit in a high school auditorium with a lovely woman and watch teenagers mangle the classics. It was a no brainer, really."

I took the burger he handed me a laughed a little.

"Shakespeare wasn't a prude."

"What?"

"Shakespeare," I clarified between bites, "Sex is one of the major subtexts of this play. This part of the scene revolves around Lysander trying to convince Hermia to 'lie with him' before they're married officially. Since they'll be man and wife soon, he figures it doesn't really matter what the sleeping arrangements are."

James sauntered on stage to where the sleeping lovers lay.

"Puck, the fairy, thinks their sleeping arrangements mean that Lysander doesn't love Hermia and has forced her to stay away, so he tries to fix the situation with some love potion. It's a case of mistaken identity, because he's actually supposed to find the _other_ pair of Athenian lovers. He's on a mission from the Fairy King, Oberon, who, incidentally, has not gotten any from Queen Titania in a long while. Sexually frustrated fairies always lead to trouble." Edward laughed softly.

As James exited, Lauren and Marc ran onto the stage clutching their scripts.

"Poor Helena, on the other hand, wouldn't mind letting Demetrius into her pants. He doesn't want anything to do with her though," I continued, watching the drama unfold.

"Lauren!" I called down to her, stopping the progress of the scene. "You have to be relentless. Don't stop halfway across the stage, chase him all the way to the edge. Did you write that down?"

"Yes, Miss Swan," she muttered, shooting me a venomous look. Little bitch. She was one of the wannabe budding starlets I had to deal with on a regular basis. Unlike Jessica, she had no end of confidence, which was one of the reasons I had given her a lead. She was beautiful, but stuck up and relatively talentless. I think her plan was to go to LA after graduation and be an actress. Good luck honey, you'll need it.

"I didn't know Shakespeare was so… arousing," Edward murmured, leaning in and blowing a little on my ear as he spoke. I gasped quietly, shivering.

"Are you cold, Miss Swan?"

I don't know why Edward calling me "Miss Swan" was such a turn on, but I was suddenly very, very hot. I never really entertained naughty school teacher fantasies until that exact moment. I cleared my throat, trying to appear unaffected. We were at my workplace, my students were not that far away, and Edward and I were supposed to be taking it _slow_.

"Are you going to behave yourself or do I have to send you back to the hospital with your burger all alone?"

"Sorry, Miss Swan," he said, smirking at me.

"Cut the Miss Swan crap, _Dr. Cullen_," I said as sternly as possible.

"Miss Swan!" Jessica's voice bellowed up from the stage.

I flashed Edward an apologetic smile and handed off my food before I got up and walked down to the stage.

"What's the problem, Jess?"

While I dealt with Jessica's blocking issues, I snuck sideways glances up at Edward. He was watching me with a silly smile on his face, working his way through our fries. I shook my head and turned back to the students on stage.

"Well, I think tonight was really productive. We've been at it for a few hours, and we've done the full run through of the scene, so let's call it a night. Remember to work on your lines; everyone should be off book by next Friday."

"Who's the guy with the French fries? Miss Swan, do you have a boyfriend?" Felix teased as he and Marc packed up their backpacks. He must have spotted Edward in the back. Felix was one of my favorite students and had been since his freshman year. He looked like a meathead, but he was insightful and funny, and he spent a lot of time in my classroom after school since I took over the drama department. I think he had a tiny crush on me.

"A boyfriend? What about me? I'm crushed, Miss Swan," Marc countered, laughing and elbowing Felix in the ribs.

I shook my head at them and rolled my eyes.

"Dr. Cullen is a good friend who took pity on me and brought me food because he knew that I was penned up in here with you knuckleheads." I laughed a little and looked around. Edward was watching our exchange, an amused expression on his face. I was going to get mocked mercilessly for this later.

"A doctor?" Felix waggled his eyebrows. "Go Miss Swan!" I cleared my throat and did my best to ignore his jibe.

"Goodnight guys, thanks for working so hard. See you all tomorrow, same time, same place."

I walked away, trying to save what little face I had left. It was against my personal policy to talk about my private life with my students, but I didn't really know how to handle Edward visiting me at school. With Jacob it wasn't an issue. He might have picked me up once, but I think that was the extent his contact with my professional life. My students never even knew he existed. Another thing that made Edward different and confusing at the same time.

"I guess I shouldn't be surprised that you've got teenage admirers falling all over you," Edward joked when I got back to where he was sitting. "Do I have anything to be worried about? None of them are 18 yet, right?"

"For your information, Marcus's birthday was right after we got back from winter break," I said, mock severity coloring my tone. "He brought cupcakes."

Edward groaned, running a hand through his hair and sighing heavily. "How can a man compete with cupcakes _and_ Shakespeare? I wish the two of you all the best." He handed me my hamburger and crumpled up the now empty bag.

We walked toward the auditorium doors.

"Do you have any time before you have to go back to the hospital? I barely got to see you." I tried to imitate Edward's heart-wrenching pout. I must have done OK because he sighed a little and hugged me.

"I'm sorry, love," he said. "By the time I get back there my dinner break will be over. Just think, we'll have all day Sunday together. We can do something just the two of us after Alice and Jasper are settled, how does that sound?"

I wanted to tell him that it sounded freaking fantastic. I wanted to say that I was so sexually frustrated that we should take a week's vacation time and lock ourselves in my bedroom, hospital and students be damned. I wanted to admit that taking it slow was nice, but after a month of temptation I was ready for a little more.

Instead, I shrugged and smiled. "That sounds OK."

The rest of our walk to the parking lot was quiet. Edward took my hand and laced his fingers through mine, swinging our arms back and forth. I wasn't sure when I realized that I was truly comfortable with Edward. He made me want to trust him with every word, every gesture. It wasn't that he was genuine or brilliant or kind; it was the combination of all those things and the look on his face when he looked at me.

Jake hadn't tried to contact me since Christmas, and I was grateful for that. I missed him, and there was a giant Jake-shaped hole in my life since he left, but I was filling it in slowly: with my writing, my students, and with Edward. I didn't have the courage to ask Edward if Tanya was seeing Jacob; in fact, we never spoke of her. I was aware that they met up occasionally, but I tried not to think about it too hard.

"Did your aunt tell you that we're getting together next week to discuss book options?" I asked as we walked into the chill February air. His face lit up with a giant grin, and he picked me up and spun me in a circle, laughing delightedly. I squealed a little and shut my eyes tightly until he put me down and enveloped me in a hug.

"Isabella Marie Swan, I can't believe you didn't tell me sooner! This is wonderful, when did that happen?"

"She's been suggesting it for a couple weeks now, but our schedules haven't worked out. She's going to fill me in on the details at our meeting."

"Congratulations!" he said. "We'll go out and celebrate after you have your meeting. When is it?"

After we made plans and I promised to pick him up on Sunday morning, we kissed goodbye and went our separate ways.

*****

Sunday morning dawned bright and clear, which is relatively unusual for the Pacific Northwest in February. I blew through a drive thru for the morning's first round of coffee and pulled up to Edward's building around 9 a.m. He was sitting on the curb wearing a ratty gray sweatshirt and a faded red knit cap. He jumped up and sprinted for my car, slamming the door and huddling up to the heater.

"So it turns out that it is not as warm as it looks out here," he said, teeth chattering a little as he warmed his hands. "Why doesn't sunshine translate into warmth?"

"You just spent the last how many years in the Midwest and you're complaining about _our_ weather?" I laughed. "Stop being such a baby."

When we got to the building where Alice and Jasper's new condo was, Rosalie and Emmett were already there. Emmett rubbed his hands together for warmth, grinning at us as we walked over.

"Well aren't you two just freakin' adorable," he laughed. His eyes took in Edward's arm wrapped around my waist, the blush that colored my cheeks, and the wide smile plastered on Edward's face. I stuck out my tongue and handed him and Rosalie their coffee.

"Have you heard from Alice yet?" Rose asked as she took a big gulp of her coffee.

"She called about an hour ago; they should be here any minute." I had just finished speaking when a moving van pulled into view, followed by Alice and Jasper in their SUV. Alice cranked down her window and leaned out.

"Yoohoo! We're hooooome!"

"My grandma says yoohoo!" Emmett yelled back, grinning.

"Well then she is a well-spoken and venerable woman and you should show her great respect," Alice replied cheekily as she hopped out of the car and jogged over to where we stood. "Where's the coffee?" She turned and looked at me.

"Why, hello Bella! Nice to see you, Bella. I missed you too, Bella," I said sarcastically.

"Yeah, yeah, love you, missed you, blah blah blah," she laughed. She reached past me for the coffee carrier and took a long drink, smacking her lips in satisfaction.

"You know, I don't care who will hate me for this back in New York, but I never had a good cup of coffee the entire time I lived there. Even the drive through crap here is better." She took one more drink and then set her cup down and clapped her hands loudly.

"Alright Team Alice, let's get down to business."

"Team Alice? What about Team Jasper and Alice? Or Team Whitlock?" Jasper had parked the car and joined us. He was watching his bride-to-be with a mixture of exasperation and amusement.

"Don't be silly, sweetheart."

By lunchtime, we had gotten everything into the condo and were busy cleaning, organizing, and constructing. Rosalie was putting together sandwiches in Alice and Jasper's sparkling kitchen while the rest of us flopped on the newly purchased sofas and arm chairs that filled the living room.

"I am never leaving this chair," Emmett announced. His eyes were closed and his arms were spread wide over the broad arms of the chair.

"Oh no you don't," Jasper laughed from his spot on the loveseat. "I spent too many hours testing out armchairs to let you live in _my _perfect chair. Besides, you have to help me set up the bedroom after lunch."

Emmett groaned.

"That shit is heavy," he whined. "Why did you have to get such a solid bedroom set?"

"Because I have flawless taste," Alice retorted. "Rose, is there food yet?"

"Come and get it, lazy ass," Rose called back.

As the six of us ate lunch together, I noticed again how seamless we seemed as a group. There were none of the usual awkward silences that come with new acquaintances. We laughed and teased each other easily; it was like we had been friends for years. I had never had a group of friends like this before, but it felt, in an oh-so-cheesy way, like I was finally home.

After we ate, Alice handed out tasks. Emmett and Jasper headed into the bedroom, Rosalie started organizing the kitchen, and Edward and I were sent to assemble the home office. Alice's drafting board was already set up in the corner, but Jasper's desk and a set of hefty bookshelves were still in boxes.

I found out quickly that when it came to teamwork, Edward was a little… how can I put this politely… bossy and controlling.

"Hand me the screwdriver," he said, not looking up from the plans.

"What can I do while you're putting those pieces together?"

"What?" he said absently. "No, nothing, just leave it for now. I have a system."

After he told me about his "system" four or five times, I got a little irritated.

"Seriously, Edward, let me do something. If you don't let me help with the desk I'm putting together the bookcase without you."

Sighing heavily, he looked up at me. "Look, if I let you help with this I'll lose track of where I'm supposed to be in the directions. It doesn't look like I'll need your help. Go ahead on the bookcase."

I rolled my eyes. That desk was just as solid as the bedroom set, and he was crazy if he thought he could lift some of the component pieces by himself. I remembered that desk. It took me, Alice, and Jasper together to take it apart for their move to New York and he thought he was going to assemble it singlehandedly? _Men._ I unpacked the bookcase and got started. The plans were fairly straightforward, and I had half of it put up before Edward had made any significant progress on the desk.

I smirked to myself as I slide the shelves into place while Edward started muttering and swearing under his breath. After I finished putting together the shelves I looked at him with my best innocent expression.

"Do you need anything, babe?"

He grunted at me and waved me off, muttering something about how he was going to figure it out if it killed him.

I giggled to myself as I wandered into the kitchen. Alice had finished cleaning the living room and was chatting with Rose.

"Are you two done in there already? Wow, that desk usually takes forever to put together," Alice said.

"No no, Edward is working on the desk." I poured myself a glass of water and laughed a little.

"By himself?" Alice looked slightly incredulous, but I just shrugged.

"He insisted he could handle it, and honestly, I can only offer my help so many times. So now I'm waiting for him to come crawling with his tail between his legs. I give it 10 minutes, tops."

Rose smiled and shook her head.

"I don't know Bella, I think you're underestimating that man's sense of pride. Emmett has told me stories. He's incredibly competitive and stubborn… and if Emmett is calling someone competitive you know it's bad."

In the end, Rosalie was right. He hadn't left the room for almost an hour and a half and from the increased volume of his grumbling, things weren't going well. When I heard a loud crash and a pained yell followed by loud swearing, I finally ventured in.

Edward was sitting on the floor in the middle of the room, the half completed desk against the wall and pieces littered around him. He was kneading his foot, still swearing a blue streak. I couldn't help but be a little amazed that I was seeing yet another side of Edward's personality. Every time I thought I knew what to expect from him, he turned around and revealed something different. It was fascinating and frustrating.

"Edward?" I spoke softly, not wanting to poke the bear.

He looked up, and instead of anger I saw embarrassment and chagrin. He took a deep breath and released it before speaking.

"You were right. Can you help me?"

My jaw dropped a little and a slow smile spread over my face. Edward's eyebrows narrowed a little.

"I'm sorry, could you repeat that? I don't think I heard you right."

"How long are you going to gloat?"

"Oh, don't worry. It shouldn't be longer than a few months."

He turned the full force of his pout on me, and I had to laugh.

"OK, He-Man. Let's get Jasper in here. Between the three of us we should be able to put this back together again." With Jasper, the rest of the project only took about a half hour.

"Now, was that so hard?" I teased as we left the office. "All you had to do was ask for help. We would have been done hours ago."

He gave me a crooked smile and shrugged his shoulders. "I'm genetically programmed to not give up. It can be kind of a problem sometimes. When I'm trying to problem solve I can be…"

"An asshole?" I offered helpfully. He grimaced.

"Maybe," he said evasively. I arched an eyebrow at him.

"OK, definitely," he sighed. I laughed and wrapped my arm around his waist. He leaned into me and kissed the top of my head. "I'm sorry."

"Apology accepted."

Alice and Rosalie made gagging sounds from their spots in the kitchen. Emmett coughed loudly into his fist. "Whipped!"

Edward grinned down at me. "You know, I'm tired from all that desk building. What do you say we get out of here, Bella?"

I glanced quickly at Alice, who winked at me and bobbed a quick nod, and smiled widely in response. "That sounds fantastic."

Once we were in my car, he turned to me. "I hope it was OK that I suggested we leave. I guess I just didn't want to share anymore. What do you want to do now?"

"It was a wonderful suggestion," I said firmly. "And I was thinking I could cook us dinner at my place. How do you feel about that?" I was hesitant in suggesting it, the two of us alone in my apartment for hours at a time. But honestly, he was a perfect gentleman. What could possibly happen?

"I'd really like that," he replied. I chanced a look at his face. That was a mistake. His eyes were burning, staring into me in that way that intrigued and haunted me for the first several weeks that I knew him. This was going to be a long night.

* * *

**Author's Note: I know the part where he says he's sorry and asks for help is a little unrealistic, but hey, it's MY AU :) What did you guys think about the vampire cameos in the play? And how will Bella fare with Edward alone in her apartment? Leave me your thoughts! And if you're interested, I've started a new fic... Kissed the Girls and Made Them Cry. We've only got about 5 chapters left on this one, give or take... sad! Thanks for reading.**


	20. Chapter 20

By the time we got to my apartment, I was starting to get nervous. Not bad nervous, just pent up and agitated, the butterflies in my stomach swirling double-time. I was acutely aware of the space between us as he followed me into my apartment. I started cooking right away, trying to distract myself from the electric energy that flowed between us.

Luckily, Edward chose to amuse himself by wandering around my apartment. After I finished preparing the chicken parmesan and put it in the oven, I went looking for him. I found him in my office, his nose buried in a book of short stories by Poe. I watched him for a while, my eyes lingering on the cute way his nose wrinkled up and his lips moved as he read along. One hand twisted through his hair absently, all the nervous energy I usually associated with the gesture gone.

"Poe seems a little dark for you," he commented, not looking up. I blushed, realizing that he probably knew I was checking him out on the sly.

"I have a dark side," I protested. "What, you think it's all Brontë and Austen? Please, Cullen, you don't know who you're dealing with."

He tossed the book aside suddenly and stood, crossing my tiny office and pinning me up against the door jamb.

"A dark side?" he murmured, dragging his nose down my neck before skimming his lips over my collarbones. "I would love to find out who exactly I'm dealing with, _Miss Swan_." His hot breath raised goose bumps on my skin, and my eyes fluttered shut involuntarily. I was about to lean in for a kiss when the timer on the oven started beeping. Edward cursed quietly into the crook of my neck before planting a quick kiss on my cheek and straightening up. His cheeks were faintly pink, but he looked happy and confident. In the last month he had become more assertive and less hesitant.

Edward was suitably impressed with my cooking skills. He took one bite of my chicken parmesan and practically moaned in appreciation.

"Marry me, Bella," he pleaded. "Marry me and cook for me every night. You won't regret it."

I laughed and swatted him playfully. "I know they say the way to a man's heart is through his stomach, but don't you think that's a little premature?"

"Nope," he said. "The minute I tasted your hot chocolate I knew proposing would be worth my while. The chicken just sealed the deal."

After dinner, he insisted on washing the dishes. It would have been even cuter if his stubborn streak didn't remind me of how he had acted this afternoon. Instead of letting him do all the work, I dried and put away the dishes he scrubbed clean. It felt nice, doing something normal and domestic with Edward. We spent so much time avoiding situations like this that a simple dinner at home took on special meaning.

I was wiping the last pan dry when Edward's lips on the back of my neck distracted me._ Uh oh_. The bells and sirens in my head started to sound for a new reason. Edward had found my shiver spot: the spot on the base of my neck that turned me into a shuddering, horny mess. It was Jacob's special definitely-gonna-get-some spot. I didn't even know that spot existed until we started dating and he happened upon it accidentally one day. Edward was currently brushing his lips over it like he knew exactly where he was kissing and what it was doing to me.

He kissed me softly, alternating between open mouthed kisses up and down my neck and blowing cool air over my flushed skin. The hairs on the nape of neck raised and I shuddered, dropping the pan back into the sink and leaning into Edward. He caught me, gripping me tightly for a minute before spinning me around and kissing me deeply.

Kissing Edward was unreal. He made my heart gallop and my blood pulse wildly through my veins. Without thinking, I pushed him back against my kitchen counter, letting my hands take up their favorite position in his wild hair. He held me tighter, turning us around and lifting me to the counter. His lips left mine and worked their way down my neck again, while his hands worked an alternate route up my stomach. He hesitated before sliding one hand under my shirt and up my back.

I reveled in the feel of his skin on mine. I had been dreaming about his hands on me since I first saw him, but the reality was so much better than the fantasy.

Suddenly, I realized that I didn't want the first time I fooled around with Edward to be on my kitchen counters. Call me old fashioned, but there was plenty of time for kitchen sex later in the relationship. Oh God, was I honestly thinking about having sex with him? _Don't kid yourself, Bella, you know _exactly_ where you want this to end._

"Bedroom," I whispered, finding my voice in between Edward's soft, passionate kisses. He didn't need to be told twice. Scooping me up, he practically ran to my bedroom and laid me gently on the bed. His lips never left my skin, and his hands continued to explore under my shirt. I gasped the first time his hands slid over my bra, his fingers teasing me through the thin cotton fabric. He smiled into my lips, tugging lightly on the bottom of my shirt in a silent request. I lifted up, letting him pull my t-shirt off.

"You are so perfect," he said in a low, gravelly voice I didn't recognize. I didn't get a chance to respond before his mouth attacked mine again, his hands tracing the outline of my bra. I got a little braver and let my hands drift down to his waistline. It was… physically obvious that he was enjoying himself, and I felt more than a little smug about that.

When I ran my hand down the bulge in his pants, he pulled away from me gasping.

"Gah…I love you."

I froze. _What now?_

His face paled and he opened his eyes slowly. I was still frozen on my back, breathing heavily. He opened and closed his mouth several times, but no words came out. I backed up, pushing myself into a seated position against the headboard.

"What?" I whispered. "You… you love me?" It had taken four months with Jacob for us to say those words, and we had known each other for years. I met Edward less than two months ago, and we'd only been dating since New Year's.

He stared at me, still looking slightly horrorstruck. "Um… I didn't exactly mean to say that. I'm sorry, it just came out."

I took a deep breath and exhaled before speaking again. "That's OK, heat of the moment. Um… sorry I got a little carried away. We're probably not really ready for all this yet."

It was a stupid thing to say. I was strung tight, practically overflowing with desire for this man. A couple of seconds ago, I was ready to throw caution to the wind and immerse myself completely in Edward, body and soul. Now I was rejecting him for an unconscious slip of the tongue? His face fell at my words.

"Of course, you're right. I'm sorry." He handed me my shirt and turned away, his eyes on the floor. I pulled him towards me and wrapped my arms around his chest, snuggling my cheek into the crook of his neck.

"Hey, don't be sorry," I said softly. He relaxed into me, and for a while we just lay there in the dark, our breathing evening out into matching, regular patterns. He twisted in my arms so that our noses barely touched and stared into my eyes, his pupils huge and black in the unlit room. I was mesmerized by the look in his eyes; even clouded with worry, desire, and confusion their green depths pulled me in. I brushed my lips against his, ever so gently.

He responded immediately, crushing me to his chest and molding his lips to mine. It was my turn to tug his shirt off, to feel the long muscles of his back with my hands. We kissed leisurely, letting our hands wander and caress each other. Neither of us was willing to re-cross the line we were pushing earlier, but it was a start. We fell asleep huddled together on top of my covers.

The next morning I awoke to the sound of Edward's phone alarm chiming out loudly from the living room. His arms were wrapped around me, and we tangled around each other in the middle of the bed under my quilt. He was out cold, not remotely bothered by the alarm ringing insistently in the other room. I nudged him in the ribs. He doubled over instinctively, gasping a little as his eyes flew open.

"Whazzit?" He slurred groggily, his head swiveling comically as he processed where he was. His eyes met mine, crinkled in sleep. "Bella? Why are you in my apartment?"

"I'm not," I laughed. "You're in mine."

He closed his eyes and snuggled back into me, running his hands down my chest and stomach before clasping them behind my back. "What a wonderful dream," he sighed. I couldn't be sure, but I swear he smelled the nape of my neck. The alarm continued to chime. It was really starting to get on my nerves. Meanwhile, Edward had fallen asleep again.

"Seriously, Edward. You're in my apartment, you're not dreaming, and your alarm is ringing. Do you have to go into the hospital today?" I nudged him again, harder this time.

He opened one eye, then the other, finally seeming to see me. Then he groaned, covering his ears with a pillow and letting go of me. "What is that noise?"

"That's your alarm," I explained impatiently. "Go turn it off before I kick your sweet butt."

He rolled sideways quickly and trotted out into the living room. After another second, the shrill beeping stopped. I sighed in relief, and he poked his head back in through my door.

"Is my sweet butt safe from any kicking now?"

"That depends. Any chance you can pour me a cup of coffee and bring it back here?" He grinned and disappeared again. A few minutes later he strolled through the door, a mug in both hands.

We lay in bed, sipping coffee and cuddling until Edward had to get up and go to work. After he left, I stretched out under my comforter, inhaling the Edward-scent that lingered on my sheets and pillows. It wasn't quite as concentrated as if I was lying in _his_ bed, but it was still pretty satisfying.

I spent the rest of Sunday putting together my story pitches for my meeting with Irina on Friday. Edward was planning on cooking me dinner after the meeting, in celebration of my success and Valentine's Day. It wasn't until next week, but Edward had to work and didn't want to miss out on the holiday. It was sweet, and I could tell he was excited about making me a romantic home cooked meal. I could only hope things went a little smoother than they did last night.

Alice dropped by for a cup of coffee and a sandwich around lunchtime. It felt nice to connect with her again, to be able to have a quick visit and know that she was just a short drive away if I needed her.

That week I started a new routine. Every day after rehearsal I grabbed dinner and rushed to Café Amore for an hour or so, pounding out whatever new idea, or old idea for that matter, that was floating around in my head. After I stopped writing for the night, I called Edward to talk. Some nights he had time to talk for a half hour, sometimes he only said goodnight.

On Wednesday evening while I was waiting for my drink, a familiar bass voice called my name.

"Bella?" _Oh shit._ Jacob Black was standing a few feet away, a backpack slung over one shoulder and a disbelieving smile on his face.

"Hi Jake," I said quietly.

"Café au lait, Bella Swan," the barista announced. I grabbed it and tried to plow a path past Jacob, but he stopped me with his free hand.

"What, we can't even be friends now? Come on Bella, I miss you," he pleaded. I looked up at his face, gauging his motives .He seemed sincere, maybe it wouldn't hurt to talk a little while. I took a deep breath and gave him a small smile that was probably more like a grimace.

"Fine. How are you doing, Jake?"

He didn't answer, just let out a loud whoop and wrapped his arms around me. I almost spilled my coffee, but I managed to keep it steady. I didn't protest the hug at first, I mean, old friends can hug each other, right? But his arms lingered a bit too long, and there was a familiar glint in his eyes.

"Jacob, could you let me go?" I asked quietly. "I need my arms back so I don't spill hot coffee all over you." It was an indirect threat, but he got the hint. He backed away, dropping his arms.

"How did your exams go?"

"Good!" He answered enthusiastically. "I'm still waiting for my last grade, but it should come in this week. I did a lot better than I was expecting, considering everything that was going on…" He trailed off.

Was he seriously trying to pin our breakup and his resulting mental state on me? Hell, no. I was not going to stand for a passive aggressive guilt trip.

"That's good, Jake. Congratulations. If you'll excuse me." I tried to walk away, but I was stopped by his arm again.

"What did I say? Don't just leave like that, I haven't seen you since Christmas. How are you doing, are you seeing anyone?" He blurted the last question out quickly, almost like he said it unintentionally. I sighed and turned back to him.

"I'm doing well. I'm talking to a publishing agent about my stories this week, actually. How's Tanya?" I didn't want to tell him about Edward, especially since I knew he would probably be jealous, regardless of what his current relationship status was.

"Wow! That's great. Tanya's… uh, well I guess she's fine. We kind of stopped hanging out after finals. Sometimes I see her in the library." He shrugged, looking a little uncomfortable. _Interesting_. I stifled the rest of my questions. It wasn't worth it. We were through, and it didn't matter how guilty he felt about it. Edward made me happy, and that's what was important.

"Well, I have to go and get some work done. Good luck with your last grade, Jake," I said. I meant it; it was nice to hear that he was doing well in school. He had worked so hard first semester, and it was obvious when he talked about what he was studying that he loved what he was doing.

"Call me anytime, Bells. I miss you." He gave me a gentle pat on the back and walked out the door, leaving me free to sit and think about what the hell just happened. I settled into my booth and tried to get back into a writing frame of mind, but it was useless. Jake had shoved his way back into my head, and I couldn't focus. I wondered if I should tell Edward about running into Jake. Probably not, he would be angry. He thought Jacob was dangerous, which was completely ridiculous. Yes, it would be better if I just kept this encounter to myself.

I was staring blankly at the far wall when my phone rang, startling me out of my reverie.

"Hello?"

"Hi, Bella, it's Irina." I had spoken with Irina several times already, and I was really starting to like her. Besides the fact that she adored my writing and my characters, she was a genuinely nice person, about the same age as my mom. She was warm and caring, but she was also blunt and honest. It was refreshing to hear her take on things, and she had already given me a lot of good, workable advice.

"Irina, hi! What can I do for you? I was just putting together some more samples for our meeting on Friday."

"That's actually what I called to talk about," she said. "Something came up, and I have to be out of town for a long weekend. Can we push our meeting back to next Thursday? I'm sorry to have to do this to you, but my schedule is jam-packed."

I flipped open my calendar and confirmed my rehearsal time before I spoke again. "That sounds fine, but I have spring play stuff going on until 7. Is that too late?"

"Nope, that sounds perfect. I've inconvenienced you; I can definitely accommodate your schedule."

After my conversation with Irina, the night was shot. There was no way I was going to be able to write anything, my brain was just too full. Instead, I went home and immersed myself in fantasies of Edward and our date on Friday. I was determined that everything would be perfect. I even asked Alice for wardrobe advice.

"You must really want to get some," Alice laughed as she dug through my closet. "I can't believe you willingly came to me for fashion advice."

"You have no idea," I said, eyeing up a skirt she had set aside as a "maybe." "I really thought we were getting somewhere on Sunday until he blurted out that he loves me."

She turned slowly, dropping the shirt she was holding and staring at me incredulously. "You're just now telling me this? He told you he _loves_ you?!"

As I recounted the story, her face got more and more sympathetic. "Poor guy, finally gonna score and then he goes and ruins it with a mistimed declaration." She shook her head. "For someone so good looking, he's not very good with the ladies."

"Well, I don't know how good he is exactly, but I'm willing to find out," I said, wiggling my eyebrows suggestively.

"Bella Swan! You little slut," she teased, giggling and tossing another top onto the "maybe" pile.

In the end, Alice put together an "elegant yet understated" skirt and sweater combo that complemented my curves without being too flashy. I wanted to be comfortable, but I also wanted the pleasure of seeing his eye bug out a little when I showed up at his apartment.

I knocked nervously on his door. The last time I was here, things did not end well. Irrationally, I wondered if Edward had put away the picture that spurred my panic that morning. I was scolding myself when the door swung open.

I swear, every time I saw Edward he got better looking. Tonight he was wearing a deep red button down, the top few buttons open, and dark washed jeans. His eyes swept over me, lingering on my legs and the scooped neck of my sweater. He gave me a wide, crooked smile and held out a hand, inviting me in.

"Bella! You're right on time."

It was obvious that Edward had done some major preparation for this evening. There were scattered candles all over his living room, and soft piano music played from invisible speakers. It smelled incredible, too, like an Italian restaurant.

"What did you make?" I asked, catching the scent of tomatoes, garlic, basil and thyme.

"Just about the only thing I can make," he replied with a smirk. I had missed that smirk. "Lasagna. My mom taught me." He let out a low, embarrassed laugh.

"It smells delicious," I assured him, wrapping my arms around him and standing on my tiptoes for a kiss. He didn't disappoint. The instant our mouths connected I knew I wouldn't mind skipping dinner and getting right to the … er… main course.

"I missed you," I sighed, breaking away from our kiss and staring up at him.

He seemed to catch my mood, because he smirked again and said, "You know the best part about lasagna?"

I shook my head.

"You can reheat it."

I grinned and launched myself at him, wrapping one arm around his neck and hooking my other hand in his hair. I know it seems like I have a bit of a hair fetish, but I promise, it's just Edward's hair. His arms reached out and caught me, holding me like I was meant to be there. He staggered down the hall, pulling me with him as I made short work of the buttons on his shirt.

He groaned a little and pulled back right before we entered his room. "I have to ask. Are you sure?"

"More than sure." I gave him my best sexy smile and grabbed his hand, leading him into his room.

He pushed me back on his bed, and I fell against his pillows with a soft thump. He crawled towards me from the foot of the bed, shrugging out of his shirt and kicking his shoes off before he tackled me flat. I giggled uncontrollably as his hands slipped up my legs and brushed over my panties.

He arched an eyebrow and laughed a little, clearly amused by my giggles. I couldn't help it. Edward freaking Cullen was shirtless and up my skirt. It was a little surreal.

I found the zipper on my skirt and pulled it down, shifting a little as he grabbed it and ripped it off of me, tossing it across the room. He placed feather light kisses on my stomach, rolling my shirt up inch by inch.

"Off, off, off," I gasped, raising my hands above my head like a child. I couldn't think straight, his lips were driving me crazy. He followed my lead, pulling my sweater up and off and throwing it over by my skirt. His mouth latched onto my breast and I moaned, arching my back and clenching my fists into his bedspread. He ran his hands over my heated skin before reaching around and unclasping my bra. It joined the small pile of my clothing which was accumulating in the corner of his bedroom. I could have cared less.

His mouth was still exploring every inch of my body, his tongue swirling tiny circles every time he paused, but I couldn't wait anymore. I reached down and unbuttoned his jeans, pulling at the zipper as much as I was able. He sat up and shifted them down, giving me my first sighting of what can safely be referred to as "the promised land" from now on. As soon as his pants were off I grabbed him again, kissing him fiercely and touching every inch of him I could.

There's something incredibly erotic about being on the edge of sex, when the only separation between you and bliss is a few scant layers of cotton. I could feel every curve and hard edge of Edward's body rocking and molding with my own. His breath tingled on my skin, and everywhere he touched seemed to be on fire.

"You have no idea how long I've wanted this," he breathed out, his voice husky and low.

"I think I might have some idea." I wanted to laugh, or maybe cry. I was a mess; it was perfect.

We never made it to the lasagna, but I didn't mind. As I snuggled into Edward's chest, sweaty and exhausted, I giggled again. I hadn't felt this light in months. He was already asleep, nuzzling my ear with a soft smile on his lips. I closed my eyes and savored the feel of his body completely tangled up in my own.

I awoke the next morning when Edward slowly climbed out of bed, trying not to wake me. It was funny, really. He was inching out from under the covers, trying not to move a thing. It was going rather well until he put his foot down wrong and tumbled onto the floor.

"Son of a bitch!"

I sat up, peeking over the edge and trying not to laugh. He was still gloriously naked, and I was a little worried the fall had given him rug burn.

"You OK?" I called, grinning cheekily. He sighed and stood up, reaching for the boxers he had discarded the night before.

"Perfect. Don't move, I have something for you." He ran out the bedroom door before I could respond.

"Edward?" I yelled, not wanting to move from the soft sheets I was wrapped in.

"Yeah?"

"Can you bring my phone back with you? I want to check my messages."

A few seconds later, he reappeared, holding my phone in one hand with his other hand behind his back. He plopped down in front of me, dropping my phone to the side and kissing me softly.

"I got you something." He said again. "I don't know if it's too soon or if you'll think I'm crazy. But I want to spend as much time as possible with you and I thought maybe this would help."

He pulled his hand out from behind his back and slowly unclenched his fist. For one heart stopping minute I thought he had a ring in his hand. Then I realized it was a shiny silver house key.

"Really? Are you sure?" I echoed his question from the night before. Suddenly everything seemed so serious. We were spending the night together and now he was giving me a key.

"Only if you want it. I thought it would make things easier, and like I said, I want to spend as much time as I can with you." He looked into my eyes, so hopeful and happy. I realized right then that I would give just about anything to keep that look on his face. I didn't know if that meant that I loved him, that I was falling in love with him, or what, but I knew that I couldn't ignore it. I threw my arms around him and hugged him tightly. The sheet that was wrapped around my chest fell down, and after a minute Edward cleared his throat.

"Bella? If you don't put a shirt or something on I'm going to be late for work."

I laughed and smacked him lightly, pulling the sheet back up and watching him as he got dressed and ready for the day. He brought me the paper and a cup of coffee before he kissed me sweetly and left for work.

I was halfway through the weekend entertainment section of my paper when my text message alarm went off. Popping my phone open, I glanced down.

**1 new msg Jake Black**

Curious, I opened it.

_**B+ on torts! All above average grades!**_

I laughed and responded without thinking about it.

_**Congrats! I can see your brain from here, hot shot!**_

I finished my coffee and again wondered whether I should tell Edward I was talking to Jake. If I didn't, it would seem like I was hiding something. But hiding what? We had spoken once and texted once. If we started getting together regularly, then it would make sense to tell him, I reasoned. No need to freak him out about something so small.

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**A/N: Alright, so that was about as close to a lemon as you're going to get from me. It was really hard to write... how'd I do? Thank God those kids finally took care of some of that sexual tension. Whew! As always, leave a review and let me know what you think :)**


	21. Chapter 21

Saturday and Sunday passed in a slow, idyllic fashion. I spent Saturday night at Edward's apartment again, cuddled in his arms. We ate the lasagna for dinner that night, and I had to admit, it was the best I had tasted since my grandmother's. When he was at work, I spent some time on grading and writing. I had completed an entire portfolio of short stories, and because I had already had so much time to plan for my meeting with Irina, I was confident in what I would say. It finally seemed like things were taking a turn for the better.

Then Monday happened. My bad luck started out slowly. I tripped over a curb on my way into the building and fell flat, dropping a folder full of essays on the wet cement in the parking lot. I was able to gather them up quickly enough that only a few were completely soaked.

Half of my students were battling coughs and colds, so I tried to be prepared with antibacterial hand sanitizer and tissues, but by the end of the day I was sure my nose was stuffier.

Rehearsal was a disaster. Lauren still hadn't memorized her lines, despite the fact that the entire cast had been instructed to be off book by a week and a half ago. We were also trying to add costumes this week, which was proving to be a challenge. Between fairy wings and settling disputes about which boys were going to wear tights, I barely held on to a semblance of order.

Tuesday, things got worse. My cold was developing rapidly, and I had tissues stuffed in all of my pockets. A sinus headache pushed my sanity to the brink, and I swear my students noticed. Teenagers are like animals that way; they sense your weakness and exploit it as quickly as possible.

All hell broke loose in rehearsal that night. Felix and Marc were whaling on each other with their fake swords, and James had managed to swindle one from one of the extras. I was trying to run a scene with some of the noblemen and townsfolk when I heard a series of smacking sounds followed by a loud crack. I turned around to see Marc, flat on his back with one hand to his head. James was standing over him, looking a little sheepish but mostly triumphant, and holding a prop sword that was definitely not his.

"PUCK!" I bellowed, stomping up the aisle as fast as my feet could carry me. The theater had fallen into a hushed silence, and I could feel the eyes of every person in the room on me. I stopped in front of him, and he quickly dropped the sword and backed away, a hint of panic in his eyes.

"James! You are a FAIRY. Fairies don't need swords. Do you know why fairies don't need swords?"

"Because…it's not my prop?"

"Because they have magic! And yes, thank you for reminding me. It's definitely NOT your prop. Whose sword is this?"

I wheeled around, waving the sword over my head, and stared down the gaping crowd, daring someone to step forward. Finally a short boy with white blonde hair raised his hand. His eyes were huge, and he cringed as he met my gaze. It was Frank, one of the freshmen boys I had cast in a role as an extra. For a second I felt bad for yelling, but damn it, someone needed to show a little respect. Frank was just in the wrong place at the wrong time.

"Frank, do you know the rules about props?" I asked, my voice dangerously low.

"Um…I don't…"

"You don't touch other people's props, and other people do not touch your props. That is the rule. That has _always_ been the rule. It will always _be_ the rule. Am I clear?"

"Yes, Miss Swan." He stared at his shoes and turned bright red. The cast scattered, and the rest of the night went smoothly. The usual chaos that accompanied my favorite students was subdued, and by 7 I was tired, irritated, and guilty.

I called Edward that night, hoping to be able to talk to him about the crappiness that had taken over my life since the weekend. When he answered, however, he barely had time for hello and goodbye. He was cranky and abrupt, which usually meant that things were busy. He was on call or working pretty much solid until our date on Thursday night, and he dismissed me with a sharp, "We'll talk later, OK, love? I have to go."

Wednesday was an all time low. My throat was sore, my nose was completely stuffed up, and I had two classes of sophomore English tests to grade before Friday if I wanted to keep up with my goals for the week. Rosalie stopped by with a cup of soup at lunchtime.

"You weren't in the teacher's lounge and I got worried. Are you OK?" she asked kindly.

"M'fine," I mumbled, accepting the cup and turning back to the pile of papers stacked on my desk.

She cleared her throat. "I heard rehearsal last night was… interesting."

I winced. Of course the kids were talking. At least half my cast had choir, and Rosalie was well positioned to hear the drama kid gossip.

"I've been having a bad week. It's nothing." Rosalie and I hadn't been spending a lot of time together lately, but we still ate lunch together every day. She and Alice were getting closer though, so I felt less guilty for neglecting them while I explored my relationship with Edward. I didn't want to lay this on her now, not after basically ignoring her outside of work for so long.

We chatted about inconsequential things for the rest of the lunch hour, and I was starting to feel a little better about life in general. During sixth hour, however, the fire alarms started ringing. I sighed, directing my class in a line down our appointed route. We were standing outside in the parking lot when a crack of thunder pealed out, and seconds later the rain came pouring down. The students were laughing and playing delightedly, but I took it as a sign from on high. There was nothing else that could possibly go wrong.

That night, after a mostly successful run through of the show, I let my cast out early and headed for the parking lot. The rain had cleared, so at least something was looking up. I loaded my bags in the trunk of my car before turning the key. Nothing. The engine didn't even try to turn over. The lights didn't turn on, the radio was silent. I tried again. Nothing.

"ARGH!" I screamed to no one in particular. The faculty lot was long since deserted, and even my students had left for the evening. I screamed obscenities in my empty car for a little while later before I took a couple of deep breaths and tried to come up with a solution.

Edward was out. He was at the hospital right now and couldn't possibly be expected to drop his work and run to rescue his stranded girlfriend. I didn't want to call Rosalie, especially considering she had already been so kind this afternoon. Maybe Alice could help.

I tried her home phone and her cell, she didn't pick up either. Jasper's cell phone went straight to voicemail. Damn, damn, damn. Why oh why didn't I have more friends? The lot was pitch dark, and I was starting to get nervous. I checked to make sure all my doors were locked before continuing to wrack my brains.

Jacob. I could call Jacob. He probably wouldn't mind coming out to give me a jump. Well, maybe he would mind, but I was out of options. He was the only person I could think of. I took a deep breath before dialing his number, praying like hell he would pick up.

It only took two rings. "Bells! Hey, what's up?"

His cheery voice sapped the last bit of strength I had. Tears started streaming down my cheeks. That was fine though, as long as he couldn't tell I was crying over the phone. I just had to get through the phone call. Then I could sob for a little while.

"Jacob, I need your help. My car won't start and I…"

"Where are you?" he interrupted. "I'm leaving the library right now. I've got jumper cables in my trunk."

"I'm at school. Thank you so much," I whispered. For a second, I thought maybe he hadn't heard me. Then he exhaled loudly and said, "Anything, Bella. I'll be there in a couple minutes."

As promised, Jake pulled up next to me in his big, red truck in less than five minutes. I have no idea how he got there so quickly, but I was grateful. He did all of the work, instructing me to stand back while he connected the wires to our engines and started the cars. While we waited for my engine to charge, he came up to me and gave me a hesitant, one armed hug.

"You look kind of rough, Bells. Are you doing OK?"

They were almost the exact words that Rosalie used earlier that day, but for some reason when Jacob said them I felt myself pouring out everything that had happened in the last couple of days. It wasn't like my life was in shambles or anything, but I was stressed out and over tired, and I hadn't been able to talk to anyone about it. Jacob listened quietly, nodding and commenting in all the right places. When I started to cry again, he reached into his pocket and wordlessly offered me a clean tissue. He let me cry by myself for a few minutes while disconnected our vehicles and checked to make sure my car really started.

"I think you're OK now," he said. "Just drive around for a while before you go home for the night." He stopped and bent to look me in the eye. "Do you want some company? I would hate to leave you alone like this."

He must have seen the wariness in my eyes, because he hastily added, "Just to be a friend, Bells. I don't expect anything from you."

I reluctantly agreed, and we circled the school and the surrounding area for a little more than a half hour. We caught up on each other's lives and talked a little bit about my writing and his classes. He made me promise to let him know how the meeting with Irina went on Thursday. By the time we pulled back into the lot and Jake climbed into his truck to go home, I was smiling, albeit weakly. As I drove home, I decided that I had just crossed into a place where concealing Jake could be dishonest. I resolved to tell Edward about our limited contact at dinner after my meeting with Irina the next day.

Thursday morning dawned bright and clear. My cold seemed to be clearing somewhat, and by the middle of the morning I could breathe through both nostrils. I finished grading my tests over lunch, and I even had a few extra minutes to sit and talk with Rose before the second half of my day started. Things continued to go smoothly, ending in a near perfect dress rehearsal that night. I was ten minutes early for my meeting with Irina.

Her secretary ushered me into a brightly lit office. Irina was petite, with clear blue eyes and white blonde hair that waved slightly to just above her shoulders. She smiled at me brightly and gestured to a comfortable overstuffed armchair next to her desk.

"Bella, it's so nice to meet you!" she said, offering me her hand. I took it firmly and smiled back.

"Thank you for meeting with me," I replied. "I've brought some more samples for you, and I have a good idea on what I'd like to see done as far as a collection of stories is concerned."

I couldn't have asked for a better meeting. Irina was receptive to all of my ideas and eager to begin solidifying a contract. Apparently she had shown my work to other editors at her company and they were all excited about the possibility of publishing my first book. By the time I walked out of her office, I felt like a new person. And the icing on the cake? I was on my way to see Edward. He booked us reservations at a nice restaurant that overlooked the Sound to celebrate my meeting. It would be the first time I saw him since Sunday afternoon, and the first conversation we'd in days. I sighed happily and took the elevator down to the lobby. When I stepped out, I did a double take.

"Well, well, what a small world."

Beautiful, strawberry blonde curls and blue eyes. I blinked, willing the vision to go away. No such luck.

"Hello," I said, trying to keep my voice neutral.

"It's Bella, right? Irina's my mother. I'm Tanya," she smiled and offered me a hand. I raised one eyebrow and shook it quickly, letting it drop almost immediately.

"I know," I said stiffly.

"I suppose you do," she mused. "I've heard a lot about you. I'm sorry things worked out the way they did with you and Jake."

I stared at her in disbelief, but she looked sincere enough.

"How can you even say that?" I asked before I could stop myself.

"I didn't really understand what you and Jake had until after that day," she replied. "He never talked about you at school… I barely knew your name. But after, well he kind of fell apart."

I cringed internally, but I tried to keep my face impassive.

"I thought we could be something really special, Jake and I," she continued, staring over my shoulder like I wasn't even there. "Then he just… he left. He's gone, even though I see him every day. That's the problem with trying to love a smart and successful person, Bella. They always see you as an obstacle to success."

I rolled my eyes at the thought that the woman who had helped Jake cheat on me was dispensing dating advice. It seemed like such an unenlightened thing for her to say, too, especially considering she was probably smart and successful herself. "That's not true, Tanya. If you do it right, the two of you work together toward success. It's about mutual support." I learned that the hard way. Edward was so supportive, and I tried to return the favor.

"I don't think Edward sees it that way," she mumbled quietly. I looked at her sharply.

"What do you know about my relationship with Edward?" I asked it rhetorically, so when she answered, I was a little floored.

"I know that he feels pressured to spend time with you. I know that he's distracted from work, which is not something he can afford right now. Your relationship is putting a big strain on his professional goals, and he's conflicted about that."

I stared at her for a moment, trying to convince myself she was lying.

"He didn't tell you that. He wouldn't say that about me," I stammered.

She looked me straight in the eye, shrugged, and got into the now open elevator. "I'm sorry, Bella. It's like I said. Even strong, long term relationships can be obstacles. Yours is brand new."

The doors closed on her, and I stood there silently for a long moment. Then I was running from the lobby and speeding toward the restaurant as fast as I could. I knew that she was lying about Edward. I knew in my soul he would never say something like that about me. We had barely just begun, but I trusted him. I just needed him to reassure me, to calm me down. I sped off down the road, hoping desperately he was already at there.

I gave Edward's name at the reservation desk and was promptly led to a table for two near the back of the restaurant. He was already sitting there, thank God, looking more handsome than anyone had any right to. He also looked worn out, but his face lit up with a beautiful smile when he saw me. I sat across from him and sighed contentedly.

"Hello, beautiful," he said. He reached across the table and squeezed my hand. "How's it going?"

"Um…we need to talk," I mumbled. He stiffened slightly, and withdrew his hand. He looked into my eyes, probably trying to read my expression.

"Of course," he said simply. "What is it?"

"You'll never guess who I ran into on my way out of Irina's office," I started. He was completely nonplussed. I cleared my throat. "Your cousin Tanya."

He pulled in a sharp breath, but otherwise simply nodded, encouraging me to continue.

"She said some things, I guess it kind of struck a chord. Things about you and me."

"What did she say?" He looked confused.

"She said that you think I'm a distraction. That I'm taking you away from your work and that because you feel obligated to spend time with me, your career is suffering."

"Well that's ridiculous," he said, smiling a little. I sighed in relief. He hadn't said anything to Tanya. Of course he hadn't, he wouldn't do that. I smiled back.

"That's not what I said at all." My smile faltered.

"What?" Edward didn't appear to notice my change in demeanor. He smiled a little wider and shrugged.

"Well, I was talking to her about our relationship, you know, how new it is and how much I care about you. She's a really good listener, and I needed someone to talk to about it. And all I said was that I was worried that the hospital would distract me from giving you the kind of relationship you deserve."

I stopped listening after "I was talking to her about our relationship."

"You had a discussion… with Tanya… about our relationship," I said slowly, not wanting to misunderstand. He shrugged and nodded. And then I saw red.

"I can't believe you would tell her things about us that you haven't even mentioned to me," I raged. "That is so beyond inappropriate. Did you think for one minute who you were talking to? I know you're close, but Edward, the woman cheated with Jacob. Doesn't that mean something? How would you feel if I talked to Jake about our relationship? "

He froze, his jaw clenched. When he spoke, it was obvious that he was upset, but trying to contain it. "You wouldn't ever talk to Jake about our relationship because you won't ever talk to Jake. He's dangerous and a dog."

"Jacob isn't dangerous," I hissed. "I saw him last night, we talked and caught up and it was _fine._ But never once did I bring you up or discuss personal details of our relationship with him!"

"You saw him… last night?" The anger was more obvious now, and his nostrils flared. "Bella, you're never to go near him again. What if he hurt you? What reason could you have possibly have had to speak to him?"

"My car battery died and there was no one else," I fired back. "Alice didn't pick up, Rosalie was busy and you were at work." Rose wasn't technically busy, but he didn't need to know that. "And how dare you tell me what to do? You aren't my father and you are certainly not my boss."

"Bella, I just want you to be safe and-"

"No," I cut him off. "The biggest problem Jacob and I had was that he asked and I gave. I did whatever he wanted. I thought you were different. I thought you would be understanding and supportive. I thought you actually gave a damn. When it comes right down to it, though, Edward Cullen, you are just as much of an asshole as he is."

People were starting to stare now, and I realized our voices had been getting steadily louder. A waitress hovered several tables over looking torn about whether or not to intervene. Edward was glaring at me, his eyebrows still raised in disbelief.

"Are you serious? I'm an asshole because I spoke to a family member and close friend about how I feel, and because I want you to be safe. That is the most absurd thing I have ever heard come out of your mouth."

"No, you're an asshole because you spoke to that family member and close friend about fears you hadn't even mentioned until I forced it out of you. I had to hear a mangled second-hand version from someone I don't even like. You're an asshole because you are judging someone I have known my entire life based on one encounter. I'll grant you, it doesn't look good for him, but do you really think I would be friends with the kind of guy you've judged him to be? Do you think I could fall in love with and consider marrying that kind of man? What does that say about your opinion of me? Better yet, what does that say about _you_?"

We stared each other down for a second, both breathing heavily. The waitress chose that moment to approach.

"Can I get you something to drink? Our specials tonight are-"

I interrupted her. "I don't need to hear the specials. I'm leaving."

"Bella, don't go, please just talk to me about this." The anger was starting to fade from his eyes, but there was still a hard gleam there. I was exhausted, and I didn't want to deal with excuses or platitudes. So I quit while I was ahead. I ran. It was cowardly, and it was probably the exact opposite of what I should have done, but I needed to clear my head. When I got to my apartment I collapsed onto my couch and picked up my phone. She picked up in one ring.

"Alice," I sobbed. "Can you come over?"

* * *

**Author's Note: Okay, so this chapter was really hard to write and I put it off for a while. What do you think? Who is wrong and who is right? I'd love to hear what you think. Leave me a review, and as always, thanks for reading!**


	22. Chapter 22

**WOW--Your responses for the last chapter were awesome. Thank you to those of you who wrote such awesome (and rather lengthy) reviews! You helped me figure out how to approach this chapter. **

**A quick clarification: Jacob and Tanya's affair was far more emotional than physical. They were spending a ton of time together, but Jacob told Bella the truth when he said they never slept together. They fooled around the time that Bella caught them, but that was it. So when Tanya said she thought that she and Jacob could have had something special... she was thinking more of what their relationship could have been, not what it actually was. Not defending her, in fact the emotional affair stuff can be way worse. But just so everyone's clear on what we're dealing with. :)  
**

* * *

A half hour later, I was wrapped in my comforter on the couch, a steaming cup of green tea in front of me while Alice hugged me and smoothed my hair. I wasn't crying anymore, I just felt lost. The fight at the restaurant had come out of nowhere, and running seemed like the only logical solution at the time. The more I thought about it, the angrier I got, at both of us. Why couldn't I just stand and face my problems? Why was I always running? And why the hell didn't Edward realize that he was wrong? This wasn't all his fault, but it certainly wasn't all mine either. His face, confused and furious, burned in my mind. I saw it every time I closed my eyes.

Alice didn't ask any questions, but I could tell she was burning with curiosity. We sat in silence for a few more minutes, until finally I started talking.

"Edward and I got into a huge fight, Alice," I whispered. "It was ugly, and I ran. I don't even know where we stand now."

She exhaled, like she had been waiting to make any noise until I broke the silence. "What did you fight about?"

I groaned. "Well it started when I ran into Tanya on the way out of my meeting with my publisher," I sighed, and Alice hissed quietly. "She told me that I was messing with Edward's career and that I was a burden. It was awful. When I got to the restaurant I asked him about it and he admitted to talking to her about our relationship and I just lost it." She squeezed my shoulders, encouraging me to continue.

"I got really mad and told him that it was completely inappropriate to talk about issues he had with our relationship with Tanya. I wasn't thinking and I kind of blurted out that I had seen Jacob recently, and he got all controlling and told me I couldn't ever see him again and—"

"Whoa, back up," Alice interrupted. "When did you see Jake?"

"My car died the other night and no one was around. I tried calling you a couple times and Jasper didn't pick up, so I called Jake. It wasn't a big deal, he jumped my car and we drove around for a half hour. He didn't touch me, he wasn't inappropriate at all, we just talked."

She pursed her lips and shook her head a little. "Bella, can you see how that looks to Edward though? I mean, he only really knows what you've told him and what he's seen, and mostly he's seen Jake angry. I'm guessing you haven't discussed him in depth." I shook my head.

"I'm not saying he's right," she continued. "You've only been dating for a short time, and he's probably feeling insecure. That, coupled with his less than stellar personal opinion of Jacob, and I understand why he reacted that way in the heat of the moment."

"He acted like he owned me," I growled. "Like he knew best. Although honestly, the Jake thing I can forgive. I'm just so angry that he couldn't talk to me about what he was afraid of. Instead he turns to _her_. How did he not see what a terrible idea that was? I think I've been good about the Tanya thing. I haven't nagged him about her, and I certainly haven't issued any ridiculous ultimatums about him never seeing her again. But talking to the woman who cheated with my ex about our relationship… it's just such a low blow."

"Yeah…not sure what he was thinking there," she said. "That's something you should really ask him about."

I buried my head in her shoulder and groaned. "I'm so mad at him, Alice. I don't know what to say to him. I don't know if I even want to talk to him right now."

"The first fight is hard, but you have to get past it," she insisted. "I remember the first big fight Jasper and I had. I told him that I wanted to be with him forever and asked him when he thought he wanted to get married. He told me that he wasn't sure he ever wanted to get married, that the idea had never appealed to him."

I was floored. I tried to remember this fight, but honestly I don't think Alice ever mentioned it. "When did this happen?"

"About six months into our relationship. I knew Jasper was the one I wanted. I wanted it all, and I was so hurt when he said he never wanted to get married. We had a screaming fight in his apartment. I accused him of not being committed to our relationship and not loving me, he told me that I was crazy and off-base, and that marriage was just a meaningless piece of paper."

"Wow," I finally said. "How did you get past that? It seems like kind of a deal breaker."

"Well, after we finished screaming at each other, we talked about it," she explained. "He said that he felt the same way, and that he wanted to be with me forever. Just because he had reservations about marriage didn't mean he didn't love me completely and totally. Once I heard his reasoning, I kind of understood where he was coming from. He agreed to think about marriage as a possibility, knowing how important it was to me, and I agreed to lay off on the issue until we got a little older."

"How very reasonable and mature of you," I muttered. "What does that mean for those of us who aren't capable of acting like adults?"

She smacked the back of my head sharply. "Stop it," she ordered. "Grow up. You had a fight. A big one. It happens, now you need to deal with it. No more running away, no more hiding. You don't have to call him tonight, but don't just give up. You were never this happy with Jake."

"I was never this unhappy with Jake," I sighed.

"Well, there you go," she said simply. "Another sign."

After another half hour or so she left, with promises to return after rehearsal on Friday night.

When I got to school on Friday morning, Rosalie was standing outside of my office. I guess I should have expected as much.

"What the hell happened last night, Bella?"

"The fact that you're asking leads me to believe you have some idea," I said dryly, unlocking my door and dropping my bag on my desk.

"Edward showed up at Emmett's last night in a complete rage. He was practically tearing out his hair he was so mad. He barked out some convoluted story about you going bat shit on him because of something Tanya said." I winced and concentrated on unpacking my things.

"Of course, as soon as we were able to get more of the story out of him, Emmett took your side." That surprised me. I looked up, silently encouraging her to continue.

"I can't believe he went to that hussy for advice about your relationship," she growled. "I mean, I get it, Emmett gave me the back story. They're practically brother and sister, yada yada yada. Whatever. She's too close to the situation. That's common sense 101, even his own brother didn't agree with him. Edward was pissed because he didn't believe that she had said what _you_ said she said, so Emmett suggested he call Tanya and get the whole story." I ground my teeth together a little. He thought I was lying? Why would I make up something like that?

She chuckled a little and hopped up on a desk in the front row.

"Oh my God, Bella, I wish you could have been there. Whatever she said, it wasn't good. He got paler and paler. 'You said what?'" she mimicked Edward almost perfectly. "I thought he was going to throw up. When he got off the phone, he kind of collapsed onto Emmett's armchair and started muttering to himself."

"What _did _she say to you? I left to give the boys their space after Edward went all comatose."

I gave her the short version, and she nodded sympathetically in all the right places.

"Well, I can't say that I agree with your reaction, but it sounds like you already know leaving was stupid. What are you going to do now?"

"I don't know, Rose," I said quietly. "I honestly have no idea."

"Well, figure it out. You deserve to be happy, Bella, but that doesn't mean you can have it all without some effort. I love you. Let me know if you need anything."

By the time rehearsal started that afternoon, I still didn't know what to do about Edward. I tried to focus, but we were in the final stages now, and there was little left for me to do but supervise the run-thru and take notes on the performance. Opening night was in one week, and emotions were running high.

I was still having a hard time keeping order, but luckily most of the excitement was centered around the show. Most of it.

"Is Doctor French Fries gonna be at opening night, Miss Swan?" Felix called.

"Yeah, do we need to tell him to bring flowers?" Marc added.

"He looked pretty smooth, I bet he brings roses."

I stood there with my hands on my hips, unable to decide on a reaction. It was all so ridiculous. My students were teasing me about a boyfriend who may or may not want to speak to me ever again. I settled on a smile and a, "We'll see."

At 8, I stumbled out of the auditorium. We had run the show twice, and I was beginning to think that they wouldn't completely tank next Thursday night. I never got tired of this: watching my students create something new and beautiful, something they could be proud of.

I was rummaging through my purse for my keys, so I didn't see the figure standing next to my car in the dark lot until I was right on top of it.

I let out a soft scream before a strong hand reached out and grasped my arm.

"Bella, it's me," Edward said.

"Edward," I gasped, my hand on my chest. "You surprised me."

We stood there awkwardly for a moment, just looking at each other. He looked terrible, like he hadn't slept since last night. I was used to seeing him tired, exhausted even, but there was something new in his expression tonight. Defeat. I sighed and pulled out my phone.

"Bella, I was just about to head over to your apartment. How does cheesecake and rum sound?"

"Can I get a rain check, Alice? I've got company." Edward perked at that, and a hopeful smile crept onto his face.

"Oh? Oh! OK, you take care of business, Bella. I'll be here."

I close my phone and looked back up at him. "Your place or mine?"

We ended up at my place. I made hot chocolate as a peace offering. The awkward silence returned. Neither of us was sure who should speak first. It built up until I thought I was going to go insane. Finally, I gave up. Reminding myself that adults talk about things, I let myself talk.

"I'm sorry I stormed out last night. That wasn't helpful, and it wasn't fair to you." He looked instantly relieved that I had spoken.

"I know I'm not good at this, Bella," he began. "But it seems to me like we need to stop running away and running to other people. We need to talk about our issues together. That's the only way that this can work. I'm just as guilty as you are here, if not more so. I just didn't think…"

He seemed to be struggling, so I decided to ask him something that had been bothering me since last night.

"Why did you go to Tanya? I mean, so you're close. You know about the history between us. Why didn't occur to you that going to her would hurt me?"

He sighed and ran his fingers through his hair. "This is going to sound really stupid, but honestly, I didn't even think about it. I grew up with Tanya, and we've always kind of helped each other through things. Even when we lived in different parts of the country we still talked pretty regularly. She's really the only access I have to a female perspective on things. I don't have other friends who are girls. Things have been so hectic and busy, and I worried that I wouldn't be able to have the kind of relationship you deserved. I asked Tanya for advice because she's been in a couple of relationships with men who are really involved in school or with their jobs. I thought she'd have a good idea on what I was going through with you.

"I know you have a certain perspective of Tanya, and I don't blame you. What she did with Jacob was reprehensible. I'm pretty sure she knows that. She's told me as much. What I didn't realize until last night was that she's still upset about it…and she took that out on you."

He looked me in the eye, his deep green eyes wide and sincere. "Bella, I swear, I am so sorry she said those things. I never would have thought she'd react that way to seeing you. But more than that, I'm sorry because I didn't believe you. You've never lied to me, and I wouldn't even consider the possibility that you were right. Please forgive me."

I sighed. "I lied by omission. I didn't tell you about Jacob." His breath caught, and he broke eye contact.

"Why didn't you?"

"I knew you would be upset and I didn't want you to overreact." He scowled. "I was actually going to tell you about the dead battery thing at dinner, but then we were fighting and… it just came out. I ran into him once at Café Amore, we said hi and that was that. He sent me a text message a couple days later to let me know how he did in his classes. I only called him to jump my car because no one else was available."

"We'll get you signed up for AAA," he muttered. I smiled half-heartedly.

"I know you have a certain perspective about Jake," I began, echoing his words. He arched an eyebrow at me. "But he's a good guy. He's made big mistakes, but I'd like to at least maintain a civil relationship with him. We're not going to be best friends and braid each other's hair, but I don't want to be mortal enemies. He's part of what makes me, me. You don't have to like it, but I'd appreciate it if you tried to understand it."

He sighed heavily and slumped against the back of the couch. "I suppose I can try," he agreed.

I chewed my lip, trying to decide how to say what I knew I had to say next. "Edward, I want this to work. I know we haven't been together that long, but I feel like we have a shot. I need you to be honest with me, though, and if you're scared I need to know. I'm so scared. I didn't realize how much I… cared until I thought maybe it was over. But I'm tired of running away. I don't want to run from this."

He scooted closer to me, wrapping an arm around me and pulling me tight to his chest. "I'm scared. I don't want to lose you, but I'm not used to trying to balance my needs and schedule with someone else's. I keep thinking that you'll get sick of my hours or the fact that I'm relationship retarded and leave me. Bella, I don't know what I would do. After I talked to Tanya last night I was almost physically ill over the thought that I had completely screwed up. And I screwed up without even thinking about it."

I wrapped my arms around his waist and snuggled into him. "There will be plenty of screw ups. That's half the fun."

"What's the other half?" He grinned cockily, and I couldn't help but giggle a little. I knew things were far from perfect, but at least they were on the mend. I ran my hands over the muscles on his stomach under his shirt and winked at him.

"Making up," I replied. He leaned in and kissed me softly. I gripped him tighter and kissed him back, smiling against his mouth as his hands began undressing me. This was right. This was home.

*****

"Miss Swan? Some man out front asked me to give you these." One of the girls on stage crew held out a bouquet of gerbera daisies and white carnations. A piece of paper was tucked into the arrangement. Smiling, I pulled the card out and read the familiar scrawl.

_**Ay me! For aught that I could ever read  
Could ever hear by tale or history  
The course of true love never did run smooth**_

_**Break a leg, beautiful. I love you.**_

My heart pounded a little faster as I read the quote and Edward's message, I smiled almost unconsciously. After we finished "making up" on Friday night, he told me he loved me. Intentionally. I hadn't said it back, but that didn't bother him. Honestly, I knew I was almost ready to say it. Part of me didn't want it to be in response to something he said. I wanted him to know that I meant it.

"All right! See, Doctor French Fries totally came through with the flowers, Marc. Told you," Felix called. He winked at me and walked into the choir room where the rest of the cast was gathered for our pre-opening pep talk.

I watched the show from backstage that night, but all my friends were sitting front and center. I was a little embarrassed by the show of support, particularly when the cast started chanting my name and called me on stage to give me another huge bouquet of flowers. Edward, Emmett and Jasper were on their feet, chanting with the cast. They clapped and hollered along with the rest of the audience, trying to outdo each other with every yell.

After the cast left for the night, I was left with the task of making sure everything was cleaned up and turned off for the night. Edward was waiting outside, ready to whisk me off to a late dinner with everyone to celebrate my success as a director and author. Irina had drawn up a finalized contract earlier in the week, and all I had to do was bring it to an attorney and get it checked out before I signed. If everything went according to plan, I would be published in less than a year. It would be a small book, but it was an important first step.

I stood for a moment on the empty stage, peering out into the dark theater. It was difficult to understand all the changes that had occurred in the last few months. In December I was lonely and sad. One decision had sparked a series of changes in my life that were as unpredictable as they were welcome. Edward. My book. My own growing sense of self-awareness. I was, as Alice fondly told me earlier in the week, finally acting like a grown up. It felt good.

"My lady," Edward's voice echoed from the back of the theater, and I could vaguely make out his silhouette in the sliver of light that fell through the open door. "Your chariot awaits and your court grows weary of this waiting. Will you dine?"

I laughed and flipped the final switch, plunging myself into darkness. I felt my way through the dark cautiously, working my way toward the patch of brightness where Edward stood. When I reached him, he picked me up and twirled me around before pulling me in for a bear hug.

"Took you long enough," he grumbled playfully.

"You have no idea," I sighed.

* * *

**Author's Note: Okay guys, end of the road! Bella's a big girl now--and that's the last real chapter. An epilogue will be coming out shortly to wrap up some loose ends, so don't worry! **

**A couple of recommendations for you: Check out my new story--"Kissed the Girls and Made Them Cry"; and kimber's "Freshman Year"**

**Thanks for reading, and keep your eyes peeled for the epilogue!  
**


	23. Epilogue

"Bella, do you know where my brown shoes are?" Edward's muffled voice came from the bedroom.

"I think that box ended up in the hall closet, but I'm not sure," I called back.

Edward and I had just moved into a townhouse closer to the outskirts of the city. It was a huge step, but after a year and a half together we decided to take it. So after the school year ended, we packed up our perspective apartments and moved into a place of our own. It was scary, but I was excited to wake up every day with him, and to know that at the end of the day I would come home to him.

We had talked about marriage, but I wasn't quite ready yet. There was no doubt in my mind I wanted to be with Edward, but I needed more time to adjust to the idea of marriage again. He pushed at first, but I was learning to be firm about what I wanted and what I needed. It was hard, but I knew that the only way to avoid going down the same road I had with Jake was to be honest with myself and with Edward. Surprisingly, once I explained that all I needed was more time, he agreed. I compromised, suggesting that we move in together first.

Things got easier between us when Edward started the second year of his residency this year, but they were still complicated. Tanya and I had established a relative truce at family gatherings, holidays and the like, but as a general rule we avoided each other, and Edward didn't push it. Edward and I also agreed never to talk to people outside our relationship about things that were better left private. Jake was seeing a new girl, and he seemed really happy. We ran into each other now and then, and he and Billy still joined Charlie and me for holidays, but that was the extent of our relationship.

Gone were the days when I would bottle things up for weeks only to have them explode later. I made it a point to tell Edward when I was angry or upset, or when I just needed him to be there. For his part, Edward learned how to take me into account when arranging his work schedule, and he was loads better at calling me just to talk when we couldn't see each other because of work.

In the fall I would be starting a master's program for creative writing, and I knew that between that and my full time job, things with Edward would get difficult again. I was ready for it though, and so was he. In fact, he had been nothing but excited for me from the minute I received my acceptance letter.

"Are you almost ready, love? It'll take us a while to get there, and if we don't leave soon we're going to be late. You know how my mom gets." Edward stood in the bathroom doorway, smiling fondly at me while I tried to do something with my hair. I loved Edward's family, especially his mother Esme, but he was right: she had a weird thing about punctuality. I sighed gave up, twisting my hair into a simple bun.

"Ta-da!" I did a little curtsy and a pirouette before Edward caught me. He kissed me slowly, holding my face in his hands before breaking away and whispering in my ear. "Beautiful. You look perfect."

We drove to the restaurant where we were meeting his family in comfortable silence, our hands linked causally together over the center console. When we pulled into the parking lot, kissed my hand and walked over to open my door.

"Did Emmett say what this was about?" I asked curiously. I hadn't seen Rosalie since school let out a week and a half ago, and I was dying to know if my suspicions of an engagement were true. Edward just smiled knowingly and shrugged, chuckling when I huffed in annoyance.

Edward gave his name to the hostess and she led us to a big circular table near the back of the restaurant. Edward's parents, Dr. and Mrs. Cullen (or as they insisted I call them, Carlisle and Esme), were already seated next to Rosalie and Emmett. Even Jasper and Alice were there, which wasn't terribly odd considering how close the six of us had become. Carlisle and Esme often joked that Alice and Jasper were unofficial Cullens, and they were invited to a lot of family get-togethers.

Alice jumped up to hug me with her usual energy, not slowed at all by the visible baby bump swelling under her stylish maternity top.

"How's my god daughter doing?" I asked eagerly.

"Baby Girl Whitlock is healthy, happy, and causing near permanent hamstrings in my right leg," she replied, settling back into her seat. Jasper laughed and rubbed her back, beaming down at his wife.

"So, now that you're all here," Emmett started. A waitress walked up and interrupted.

"How are you all doing this morning? Can I get you some coffee? Waters?" After she left, Emmett cleared his throat and started again.

"Rosalie and I asked you to be here—"

"Oooooh they have rhubarb jelly in the little packets!" Alice squealed suddenly. "You never see that!"

Emmett glared at her while everyone else laughed. She turned a little pink and muttered an apology before scooping up some of the jelly packets and starting to stack them in front of her.

"Any more interruptions? Anyone else have anything they want to say?" Emmett asked impatiently. He was bouncing a little in his seat.

"Actually, I was wondering Bella, have you heard from Irina lately?" Esme asked, shooting me a humorous look and a wink.

"That was a rhetorical question!" Emmett sighed. Esme grinned at him and opened her mouth to reply, but Rosalie stepped in.

"I got this, baby," she laughed. "Emmett asked me to marry him last night, and I said yes!" She pulled out her left hand and showed off a sparkling diamond, at least a carat and a half, in an intricate golden band.

"Oh, Rosalie, think of all the disappointed teenage boys," I sighed, ducking as she aimed a swat in my direction. We talked about the proposal for some time, but Rosalie and Alice soon fell into a wedding planning discussion that made my head hurt a little. When separate conversations sprung up, I turned back to Esme.

"I heard from Irina on Monday," I answered her earlier question. "She said she's gotten a really positive reaction from the artist we chose, and I think the project is going to go ahead just as quickly as we can get him signed on."

"I can't believe I'm going to be a comic book character," Edward laughed, throwing an arm around my shoulder.

"Graphic novel character, putz," I corrected.

When my book was published last year, it became a bit of an underground sensation. It didn't garner a whole lot of critical acclaim, but I had a dedicated fan base that was rapidly growing, especially centered around Alex, my mind reading superhero.

Irina approached me with the idea of expanding the story into a graphic novel, pitching several possible local artists for the job. Over the last several months I met with eight different artists to discuss my story, and finally made my decision in May. Now it sounded like he was onboard. We were hoping that pushing into the world of graphic novels would open up my audience even further and create more buzz for my first full length novel, which was still in the planning stages.

"You should make sure that he captures my rugged good looks." Edward struck what I'm sure was intended to be a dashing pose, but he ended up just looking goofy. I giggled, and Esme rolled her eyes. He had come a long way from the unsure and awkward man I met last year, and he was much more comfortable with the idea of his story being published. Despite that, he refused to come with me to book signings, on the off chance that someone put two and two together.

Later, driving through the city with Edward at my side, I stared out at the changing landscape and thought about how different my life was from how I always thought it would be. No Jake, no wedding, no baby on the way. But I did have Edward, a book deal, and a growing number of fans worldwide. I was going back to school. I was shacking up! I giggled a little at that. It wasn't easy. It would probably never be easy. But life was good, and in the end, I suppose that's what matters.

* * *

**Author's Note: Group awwwwww. Happy happily ever after! Leave me one last review and let me know what you think. Thanks for sticking with me, it's been fun! Check out my new story "Kissed the Girls and Made Them Cry."**


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